In the spirit of "setting the bar low" (Great idea by the way) how about tantafonesis as in :
TANTA-lizing us when we FONE and get an appointment with mechanic, dentist, doctor, plumber, electrician, computer guru,etc. and when we get there we are told "I can't find a thing wrong, SIS."
Arrrgggghhh
I can hear you all saying : "Oh, m'Gawd! She's baaaaaaack!"