The "odd press" thread brought to mind an email I once received containing a whole host of outrageous quotes taken from actual court transcripts, which quotes would bring a smile to the face of even the most poker-faced jurist. To wit:

Attorney: "Your Honor, I strenuously object!"
Judge: "Don't hurt yourself, Counselor."
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Attorney, questioning witness: "Was he dead when he spoke to you?"
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Attorney, reading along as opposing counsel quotes from letter in evidence: "Your honor, I object...I lost my place."
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Attorney, questioning witness: "Did you visit the woman's house while you were in jail?"
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Judge: "Counselor, where are you going with this?"
Attorney: "Back to the table."
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Judge, to clearly addled witness: "Sir, do you know where you are and why you're here?"
Witness: "Well, I know I'm not in Kansas anymore."
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Judge: "Counselor, control your client or else."
Attorney: "You're honor, he's not my client."
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Attorney, questioning witness: "Were you in the car while you were driving?"
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Attorney Smith: "Your Honor, I don't like the way Mr. Booth is questioning my client."
Judge: "Mr. Smith, I don't like your suit."

Would anyone care to add a few quotes in this vein?