I came up with a word-related question recently.  I've been trying to figure out how to find the answer... and then i thought "duh!"... you guys!

Let me explain the situation, so you can understand & appreciate where my question comes from.

I've had debilitating/disabling Chronic Lyme Disease for nearly 22 years now.  I've experienced some 20 symptoms, seen over 20 medical specialists, and still struggle/suffer every day.

I've been trying an acupuncturist for maybe two years now, and it has helped; not a LOT lot, but definitely enough to be worth it.  It seems to have helped more than any other treatments... and has no negative side effects! She's almost got me up to a threshold where i can begin to be semi-functional on occasion... which is wonderful!

A few months ago, she had some additional education/training, and has been trying a couple of new things on me each of these past several weeks.

It *seems* to be doing something noticeably positive.  I feel like an old dead car engine that a mechanic's been working on forever, and FINALLY, he gets it coughing and sputtering.  There's that moment of excitement.

Recently, i accomplished something i probably couldn't have done for the past 20 years.  So NOW, i'm excited and hopeful... and yet at the same time (having had false alarms in the past), i'm "afraid" to be get too excited or hopeful.


So my question is:

Is there a *word* for that state of being... where your natural reaction to a situation is to feel excited & hopeful, yet you're afraid or hesitant to, and you suppress it?


Thanks!