Jackie,
This last post of yours is really impressively deep and relevant. It has to be founded on personal experience.
There is no need for me to ad my grain of salt (or drop of vinegar). Just a recent anecdote: At lunch, I was complaining to a colleague about my current work situation. In the course of my lament, I said : It takes a lot for me to be angry at somebody. - "Oh, I believe THAT", said my colleague - and it sounded as if he had said: that's the problem with you...