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I agree with you that we sounds nicer. Do you think it helps to lessen the pain if you add a couple of commas, thereby causing the reader to pause slightly and blunt the awkward effect? Like this:
Yet you can remove, by mindless bluster, the common - all too common sorrow from us, thoughtful human fools, if we dare to face you, spread our quiescent wings, and let go.
It may change the meaning for you, I don't know. I must admit, I'd like to read the whole poem. Whomever you are writing this to cannot be much loved by you!
Entire Thread Subject Posted By Posted we? us? Owlbow 01/02/10 01:57 PM Re: we? us? zmjezhd 01/02/10 02:09 PM Re: we? us? Buffalo Shrdlu 01/02/10 03:14 PM Re: we? us? Owlbow 01/02/10 08:14 PM Re: we? us? twosleepy 01/02/10 11:42 PM Re: we? us? Faldage 01/02/10 11:54 PM Re: we? us? Jackie 01/03/10 03:25 AM Re: we? us? Owlbow 01/03/10 02:23 PM Re: we? us? twosleepy 01/03/10 05:47 PM Re: we? us? Owlbow 01/03/10 08:37 PM Re: we? us? Jackie 01/04/10 12:04 AM Re: we? us? BranShea 01/04/10 05:26 AM Re: we? us? Owlbow 01/04/10 08:02 PM Re: we? us? Faldage 01/04/10 10:12 PM Re: we? us? Jackie 01/05/10 02:55 AM Re: we? us? Zed 01/05/10 04:01 AM Re: we? us? Avyy 01/22/10 01:28 AM
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