As a lifelong connoisseur of fish and chips, I can tell you, regardless of any cries of derision from the east of you, that the Brits don't, cannot and never will make fish and chips properly.

Having never had to endure eating UK fushnchups, I can only add that I am left bewildered whenever Pommie friends salivate rapturously as they describe their longing for "real" fish and chips. They actually miss the very blandness and sogginess you describe! (bemused-shuddering-emoticon)