But all these words are so useful! Look:

Once Upon A Chad

Took a chad out of my hand this morning with a screwdriver. There it was, just hanging, dimpled and kinda pregnant-looking. It was all because of that modern-day diva, Madonna, singing another one of the only, gently off key. The proto-injury took my mind off what I was doing - fixing kitchen drawers - and I found I had lost count of the drawer handles. To remedy this, I thought I'd do a manual recount, by hand. Only one hand of course, because of the chad on the other which meant that it couldn't be counted. At least, not without a ruling on the issue from both the Florida and US Supreme Courts, which seemed a little extreme when a bandaid solution would save the legal expenses.

After looking around me, I used an obscurely logical sub-branch of fuzzy math to determine that, unless I was Dubya, the number of handles should equal the number of drawers. Believe it or not, fuzzy math works, because it turned out that I was right. Since I was one handle short I rang the dude at the hardware store to order another. Shaken up from the near-fatal accident resulting in a one-handed manual chad recount, I jumped in my car and went down to the hardware store just so I could experience some real road rage at the traffic lights. Asked the dude in the shop how business was. He told me that he was experiencing negative growth, but that he was expecting to be able to leverage some new hardware lines to grow his business. He said that his business would expand because of the new lines, but I felt that he was just begging the question. He gave me a heads-up on some new types of drawer handles that he'd be stocking up on shortly.

Armed with this essential factoid, I came home.

How could we even think of living without them?


The idiot also known as Capfka ...