(from the good folks at Plain English Campaign)


Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain
improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring
by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and
around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St.
Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime
thereafter. The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were
located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e.
dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to,
candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said
dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as ("I"),
being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the party of the second part
(hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. At
such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g., kerchief and
cap.

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved
real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain
disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part
did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such
disturbance.

At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder
and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or
drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of
the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the
approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal
co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and
Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further
asserted that an additional co- conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally
and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and
in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with
packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior
invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the
House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from
the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned
packages, toys, and other unknown items.

He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of
local ordinances and health regulations.

Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor
children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said
items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable
provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose
and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer
waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown
destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the
party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all
and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.