This is one of the reasons I didn't read any psych or self-help books before I had my kids. I understand the sentiment, and I think it's partly true. I think these sorts of pet names surely CAN "indicate hidden hostility," but not necessarily so. Usually, I'm cuddling my kids and petting them as I lavish this anti-praise on them. Mixed signals? I think not. My wife used to get extremely irritated when my kids went through this phase where they were calling me "fat bastard," usually in jest, but sometimes in anger. She insisted I was teaching them to be disrespectful to me. OTC, since they've stopped breast-feeding, both girls have been much, much closer to me than they have to their mother. The fact is they idolize me and the feeling is mutual.
OTOH, I'm not without my own issues. I used to exhale sarcasm as most people exhale CO2. I made a conscious decision, however, before my kids were born that I would try to tone it down - an effort at which I've been largely successful. I couldn't take the chance that I'd hurt one of them. In retrospect, I wonder if I've lost an opportunity. Sarcasm is a grossly overused tool and most people who use it often assess their usage far more favorable than their actual abilities warrant. Still, it's a very useful tool - if for no other reason than self-defense against those who use it often.
Which sort of leads in to what I think is the real crux of the matter. I'm not, nor have I ever been much of a proponent for rules. I'm not opposed to families who have lots of them, though we have relatively few. (Rule #1 - no kidding - "Daddy loves you.") I'm happy to let other families do what they think they need to do. More important I think is the issue of family priorities which I've tried to make clear to my kids: 1. health and safety, 2. education and personal development, 3. happiness and general welfare. But these are just things to focus on, not rules, per se. I don't have absolute rules, but rules of thumb and they apply to me as well as to the kids. The main heuristic is "Pay attention." You try something, see how it floats, modify, test, modify, test, etc. While people have a lot of similarities and can often be usefully grouped into categories, we are still individuals and it's important for individual families to pay attention to what's happening with the other members.
You call a kid a poophead and he breaks down crying and you know not to do that again. You call a kid a poophead and he smiles and jumps up for a hug and maybe you're not too wide of the mark. Now, if a parent were really paying attention, they will almost certainly realise beforehand that a particular kid will not respond well to "derogatory" pet names.
Could it yet be some esoteric sign of antipathy? A buddy of mine was talking with one of his acquaintances about energy use and shortages. The fellow asks my friend imploringly, "Frank, are there forms of energy that we don't know about?" Frank pauses for a second and responds, "I wouldn't know." Could I have some latent hostily towards my daughters or they for me? "I wouldn't know."
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