Christolf Wolff, in his gigantic tome on Bach, includes a diagram from
1800, the "sun of composers." In the center is Bach. Around him, three
rays: Franz Joseph Haydn, George Friederick Handel, and Carl Heinrich
Graun. Graun? Who Graun? Are we missing something?

Carl Heinrich Graun was one of those artists, like Per Luigi Zucchini or
my uncle Sid, whose fame flickered all too briefly, a candleflame on the
tavern wall. A boon companion of King Frederick the Great of Prussia,
Graun celebrated the king's conquest of Upper and Lower Silesia with the
first Ode to Joy --- Joy Maedelbachen Graun being his Graunmother. In
return, Frederick wrote the story-board for Graun's celebrated,
autobiographical operas Lohengraun and Das Rheingraun. They were
produced in off-Berlin but flopped so badly that they were moved to
off-off-Baden-Baden.

Here the composer's fortune improved. The city of Baden-Baden had just
been overrun by rats, who packed the streets, took over the gutters, ate
up the sidewalks, and refused to get out of the bierstuben. But the
rodents were so enchanted by Graun's music that they flocked to the
operahouse to hear his new song cycle Die
Liederhosenlaudenflauffen, BMW 240. The rodents were rendered quiescent
by the music, so that the city building department was able to squash
them with a steam roller. The composer immediately memorialized the
great day in his new opera, Die Flattermaus, which was a popular success
with the townspeople as well. The critics compared Graun to the greatest
masters, and the grateful city of Baden-Baden appointed him
Kapellkapellmeister-meister. It was during this time that he produced
his greatest secular Cantata, Ich bin ein Doppelgänger, BVD 36-long.

After this triumph, Graun produced a symphony of some note (possibly
E-flat, although it is hard to be sure), the moving Theme and Variations
on 'Graun Grow the Grässes-Oh?' and a cycle of quartets. Unfortunately,
his balance was not what it had been, and he fell off the cycle going
around a corner, and had to switch to a tricycle. Next, he began his
famous experiments in edible counterpoint, which he illustrated in his
Tafelmusik, BFD 1212, for various ensembles of coldcuts. Works included
the Openface Sonata for pastrami and headcheese, a set of trio sonatas
with basso continuo and potato salad on the side, and the merry
Sauerkraut Dances. These too were a great success with his public, which
ate them up.

In his Golden Years, Graun dropped music entirely to work on developing
new foods for senior citizens. His crowning achievment was the cereal
Graunola, the popularity of which keeps his name alive today. If you
ever visit Baden-Baden, you will find a statue of Graun in the
Rathausplatz, with a band of rodents (after whom the square is named)
dancing happily about, nipping at his toesies.