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old hand
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OP
old hand
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Still tidying papers, and found this good joke:
A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols, in this order of appearance:
A woman - A donkey - A shovel - A fish - and the Star of David.
They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to their museum, where archaeologists from all over the world could come to study the ancient symbols. After months of study, they held a press conference to reveal the results of their work.
The president of the archaeological society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said, “This looks like a woman. We can judge that the race was family-oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey - indicating they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence lies in the symbol of the fish, which means that if a famine had hit the earth, meaning land-based food sources failed them, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.”
The audience applauded enthusiastically. Suddenly a little old man stood up in the back of the room and said, “Idiots! Hebrews read from right to left. It says, ‘Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on that Woman!’”
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veteran
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that's pretty cute. kinda busy these days. just popped in.
here's one my oldest daughter told me the other day.
string walks into a bar, goes up to the barkeep and says, "i'll have a beer."
keep looks at the string and says, "we don't server yer kind here."
string is offended, walks away in a huff, and sits down at a table.
he's stewing for a while, then decides to try again. stides up to the bar
and says, "hey, gimme a beer, i say!"
barkeep looks at him disdainfully and says slowly and firmly, "we - dont - serve - yer - kind - here!"
string's furious. stomps out of the bar and wanders the streets, nursing his fury. calms down and decides on a different tack.
ruffles his hair, tangles himself up, and slides up to the bar. "I say, could I get a beer over here?"
barkeep eyes him suspiciously and asks, "aint you that string what was in here earlier?"
"nope, i'm afraid not"
this child is off to a really bad start in life.
k
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Ores tabit fortis arare placet orestat.
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veteran
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O sibile, se ergo! Fortibus es in ero.
Nobile! Demis trux!
Vatis inem.
Causan dux.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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any links to a good on-line Latin->English translator? 
formerly known as etaoin...
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Carpal Tunnel
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O sibili, si ergo,
Fortibus es in ero...
Oh my! Haven't seen that one in a lo-o-o-ng time !
Try a modern language one:
Pas de leur on connu !
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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a good on-line Latin->English translator?
Why would you need a Latin-English translator?
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Carpal Tunnel
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Why would you need a Latin-English translator?
because those that have had no Latin training have no basis for discriminating between Latin and faux-Latin. we seem to get a lot of both here, which only benefits the few initiates.
Si haec crustulos eduisses, obsesus fuisses.
(If you had eaten those cookies, you would have been fat.)
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Carpal Tunnel
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a good on-line Latin->English translator?
Why would you need a Latin-English translator?
because my ability to sing in Latin has nothing to do with my ability to read it. and I didn't want to go to the trouble of doing it word by word, and I don't have a good Latin dictionary, and I'm stoopit.
formerly known as etaoin...
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not am I only stoopit, I'm really stoopit.
and in rare form...
formerly known as etaoin...
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Mine was found during an archeological dig in England on the site of an old Roman tavern. The Latin scholars puzzled over it for a long time until a small boy told them that he could read it straight off.
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formerly known as etaoin...
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Carpal Tunnel
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Ores tabit fortis arare placet orestat.
O rest a bit, for 'tis a rare place to rest at.
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I heard of another case where those heavy-headed archaeologists found an ancient (presumably roman) artifact and scratched their lumpy noggins long and hard to understand what it was for and what the inscription might mean until a small fellow (probably that same young boy from the other story) came along and help them figure out what "toti ehors esto" meant, thereby solving the riddle of the artifact.
k
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Carpal Tunnel
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because those that have had no Latin training have no basis for discriminating between Latin and faux-Latin. we seem to get a lot of both here, which only benefits the few initiates.
Swaff!
I was with you, eta.
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Carpal Tunnel
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In reply to:
Ores tabit fortis arare placet orestat.
O rest a bit, for 'tis a rare place to rest at.
And here I thought it meant: His teeth had a fortress of rare tabs placed in the tooth station.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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what threw me was that ending with a preposition business... 
formerly known as etaoin...
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Carpal Tunnel
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And how many of us figured out what the "Mirror of Erised" was about in Harry Potter,
before the author explained it?
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old hand
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OP
old hand
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And how many of us figured out...
Ooh! Ooh! I did, I did!
felt I had to jump in with that....since the faux Latin had me all fuddled....
Can't resist adding something from my treasure trove of Quotable Quotes:
Conversational Latin
Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.
- It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.
Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit!
- God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!
Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
- The designated hitter rule has got to go.
Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
- I think some people in togas are plotting against me.
Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
- If Caesar were alive, you’d be chained to an oar.
Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?
- How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
(At a barbecue) Animadvertistine, ubicumque stes, fumum recta in faciem ferri?
- Ever noticed how wherever you stand, the smoke goes right into your face?
Neutiquam erro.
- I am not lost.
Hocine bibo aut in eum digitos insero?
- Do I drink this or stick my fingers in it?
Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur.
- Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Faldage's entry was not just for initiates. Yuk,yuk.
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old hand
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old hand
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Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?
- How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
I never heard that one before! Very clever! (From Latin for All Occasions, by Henry Beard) -- my favorite: Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscripti catapultas habebunt. When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults.
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Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar?
- Oh! Was I speaking Latin again?
It's Latin's illusions I recall.
I really don't know Latin at all. I really don't.
Should that be "Denuove" ?
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old hand
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old hand
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O sibile, se ergo! Fortibus es in ero.
Nobile! Demis trux!
Vatis inem.
Causan dux.
This appears to me to be a song praising the virtues of a young maiden. Here's my stab at it:
Oh Sybil, you go girl!
Your strength is like a noble fir.
Humble child,
Semi-wild,
Prophet, poet,
Leader, Guide.
How did I do, Magister Tsuwm?
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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O sibile, se ergo! Fortibus es in ero.
Nobile! Demis trux!
Vatis inem.
Causan dux.
How'd you do? Not very well.
O Cybil, se her go. Forty buses in a row.
No, Bill, them is trucks.
What is in 'em?
Cows and ducks.
I learnt it as:
Lucat, bene derdego.
Honet bus es inero.
Honomo, demis trux.
Summit causin, summit dux.
TEd
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O sibile, se ergo...
Oh see, Billy, see 'er go... ?
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old hand
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old hand
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This appears to me to be a song praising the virtues of a young maiden. Aw, C'mon you guys! You didn't think I was serious, did you??? Tongue was firmly planted in cheek. 
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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I know a "Spanish" version of it:
Si, Senor, dere diego
Forte lores in aro
Dere no lores, de is truqs
Fola cous an shep an dux!
- Pfranz
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Oh see, Billy, see 'er go... ?
that's the ticket
k
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