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Let's try a Tom Swifty thread.
Tom Swiftys are named after the Tom Swift American adventure novels. The author Victor Appleton (Edward L. Stratemeyer or Howard Garis in Stratemeyer's employ) would always describe every action with an adverb: Tom never just said anything, he said it carefully, excitedly, eagerly, etc. A Tom Swifty is a particular type of pun centering on the adverb in the following formula:
"You should go clean the lawn," Tom said rakishly.
"I hate being on welfare," Tom said dolefully.
"Those knives are dangerous," Tom said pointedly.
- from www.wikipedia.org
As stated above, a Tom Swifty contains a pun. Good ones may contain two or three puns! As always, brevity is the soul of wit.
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"I like Garfield, but not the dog," Tom said odiously.
"You'll never get me to a proctologist!" Tom said testily.
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"I have cramps," she said periodically.
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Here's a few:
which put me in mind of Shona. Where is he these days?
Shoooooooonnnnaaaaaaa, where aaaaaaaaarrrre yoooooooouuu?
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"You'll never get me to a proctologist!" Tom said testily.
Ummm, you _did_ mean a urologist?
Unless perhaps you wanted "...never get me to a proctologist, he said acidly."
Which brings to mind the old saying, "Don't start vast projects with half-vast ideas..."
Pa-da-bam.
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Pa-da-bam.
And a tip o' the *rimshot* to ya, good doctor.
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"I prefer French roast myself," Coffeebean said darkly.
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"I prefer French roast myself," Coffeebean said darkly. HA! That was GREAT!  C-bean, welcome aBoard, if I haven't already. "I am roasting, she said hotly".
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"I am hot", he said sunnily. 
formerly known as etaoin...
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"I know the six most-used letters in the English language," etaoin said commonly.
"Cardinals go for corn, while woodpeckers prefer suet," birdfeed said seedily.
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"I am hot" You sure are, she said pantingly. 
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My words I like to rearrange, Betsy said anastrophically.
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"I think I look a little pale," WO'N said juanly.
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"What's the matter with ewe?" asked Faldage sheepishly.
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I don't like talking about these things, wow said, disgustedly.
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>I don't like talking about these things, wow said, disgustedly. "That's the spirit," Tom said gravely.
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"Ummm, you _did_ mean a urologist?"
Doc, I stand corrected -- it is not my general practice to make such errors.
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"I've been such a cad," said Tom ruefully.
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"I couldn't run faster than the car," Tom said tiredly.
"I couldn't catch up with the car," Tom said exhaustedly.
(or, to make the above a bit plainer: Confucious say man who run in front of car get tired. Confucious say man who run behind car get exhausted.)
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"What's the matter with ewe?" asked Faldage sheepishly.
Must resist temptation, WO'N said beastily.
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I live at the top of the world, sjm said topsy-turvily.
I don't like Cleopatra, ASp said hissingly.
What flavor would you like, Bean asked vanillishly?
I love a good rhubarb, Rhuby said commandingly!
I'm a fabulous cook, Consuelo said tamalishly!
I feel totally worthless, tsuwm said wordily.
The surreal is sublime, musick said, loosely.
We've been adopted by a friend, ASp and Faldage said squirrelingly.
"I don't care if you're sick, you don't have an appointment!" Dr. Bill said curmudgeoningly.
My metamorphosis is more than just a transformation, Pfranz said Capfkaesquely.
I don't like moonlight swims, Hev said sharkingly!
I've crept through many caverns, Milo said spelunkeringly.
I've maxed out, WO'N said quordlepleeningly.
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"Which puts me in mind of Shona. Where is he these days?"
Mod~god said mindlessly.
"Maybe he happy lives without us" Milo answered adverblessly.
"Milo! You left out the (...ily)!" WO'N said faldagingly.
"Well WO'N," Answered Milo dimly, "Never did I say that I was the brightest bulb in the marquee.
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"vanillishly?", he asked creamily.
formerly known as etaoin...
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"We've beaten the Cardinals!" the Memphis players crowed.
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slightly different, but in the same flavor, when others are telling jokes. you can slip these in.
do you know the joke about the rope?
Oh, never mind, skip it.
have you heard the joke about the wall?
Forget it, its over your head anyway..
Did you hear the joke about LA? (or the city of your choice)
Its a riot!
I know a lot of blonde* jokes (*or ethic group of choice).
They are all beauts, but simple minded.
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“The spell is broken,” said Tom disenchantedly.
"Coffee's ready!" said Tom perkily.
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"cream in mine, please", he lowed.
formerly known as etaoin...
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You can let the horse in, Helen said troyishly.
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slightly different, but in the same flavor, when others are telling jokes. you can slip these in.
did you hear about the cannibal who passed his father in the jungle?
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abnpr cv bhru lprnj, he said cryptically.
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"Guess where the body's buried," Tom said cryptically.
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'To your health!', he cheered spiritedly
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".....and then I woke up." she said dreamily.
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Again, trolling through some old papers, I found the Tom Swify exercise my Grade 11/13 English teacher gave us, so without further ado, I inflict 'em all on you (I'm a poet, an' I know it!):
"I just turned a back hand-spring," said Tom flippantly.
"I disapprove of prostitutes," said Tom tartly.
"I like the 25th letter of the alphabet best," said Tom wisely.
"I can't help it if I'm only four feet six inches," said Tom shortly.
"I must learn to swim this summer," said Tom buoyantly.
"We saw a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta last night," said Tom patiently.
"I must sharpen my pencil," said Tom pointedly.
"Brown eyes are hereditary," said Tom genially.
"Never!" said Tom, knowingly.
"That woman has no bust to speak of," said Tom flatly.
"I'm a homosexual," said Tom gaily.
"Go to the back of the boat," Tom said sternly.
"I'd give anything for a drink of water," Tom said drily.
"I just dumped my girlfriend," Tom said ruthlessly.
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"Go to the back of the boat," Tom said sternly.
I love it!
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"I prefer the light mesh racing bra," she said fastidiously.
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¡Ay Chichihuahua!
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"Don't give kitty anymore Nyquil," said Tom catatonically.
"Hand over the money!" said Tom tenderly.
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"Dog fights are cruel!" cried Tom pugnaciously.
"I can't remember any Roman historians," said Tom obliviously.
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“Now, the hand augur was invented before the time of Christ,” Tom went on boringly.
“But I’ll never catch goldfish with this rod,” Tom carped.
“Infirm of purpose! Give me the daggers,” she said incisively.
“Of course I passed!” Tom said testily.
“That came from the Bavarian Motor Works!” Tom beamed.
“I should have turned the motor off,” Tom thought idly.
“I’ve been gone a long time,” Tom said absently. “But its time I moved on again,” he continued.
“After you madam,” Tom said gently.
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"I write detective novels" he said stoutly.
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"And I'm the protagonist in them," he said wolfishly.
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"We are honored to have you sit at the front of the boat," he bowed.
/coat tails
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"I just love the Kentucky Derby" Jackie said hoarsely.
"This milk has gone bad," he said sourly.
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"Now we can't have you urinating on Mrs Marple's flowers, can we?" Tom said doggedly, as he yanked on his Yorkshire terrier's leash.
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stoutly…wolfishly
And I do all the actual work, he said archly.
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"I think you'll find that's an agate", she said crisply.
formerly known as etaoin...
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"Is that what Indian women wear?" asked Tom sorrily.
"Is that a bed up there?" asked Tom loftily.
"I hear you're getting married," said Tom engagingly.
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"You can't go home again," Tom said wolfeishly.
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In reply to:
"You can't go home again," Tom said wolfeishly.
Hats off! not a bald-faced lie
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"I'm not as hirsute as I formerly was," said Tom baldly.
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"Hair today, gone tomorrow," he said baldly.
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O wofa, I like yours MUCH better! Bravo!
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"Tea is better for you than coffee." she said chidingly
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ooh, Zed. Very subtle, that one! Glad to have you aBoard.
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"Once a Scot, always a Scot," said Tom clandestinely.
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"abnpr cv bhru lprnj, he said cryptically."
Oh, I love this one!
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"Yum, this is a tasty ear of corn," he said huskily.
"Traipsing through wide mouthed caverns bores me," she said yawningly.
"My dolls arms and legs are broken," she cried disjointedly.
"Jane is a loose cannon," he said explodedly.
"The sun hurts my eyes," she said brightly.
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This is too much fun!
"My brain spills over with Tom-Swifties," she said brimmingly.
"I'm wondering if we may use poetic license with some of our adverbs?" she said curiously and inventingly.
"I wonder if I should stop (fill in the blank)" she said haltingly.
"I wonder if there is too much of a good thing," she said amply.
"I wish I could stop with this already!" she said ceaselessly.
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Nice ones Ruby!
“Its just a pipe dream,” said Tom stonily.
“I made a lot of money at the Ascot race meeting once…harrchh…behind the stands…harrchh…only my hat”, she coughed hoarsely.
“No! She gets my goat!” Tom rebutted hornily.
“Ehgve yerst ‘ed meh tons’ls ehrt,” said Tom glottally.
“Six or seven?” Tom asked confusedly.
“The TV control is on the table,” Tom said remotely.
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Thanks, dxb :)
Back atcha for this one:
“The TV control is on the table,” Tom said remotely.
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"I thought we could see the breakers from here", he said confusedly.
formerly known as etaoin...
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"Once a Scot, always a Scot," said Tom clandestinely.I think this one gets my vote!
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"I don't like vodka" he said absolutly.
"That's because you're not Russian." she replied swiftly.
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This one's for AnnaS.
"Once stung, twice shy," said Tom begrudgingly.
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“No! She gets my goat!” Tom rebutted hornily.
this one gets MY vote! verb and adverb, very clever!
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Oh, I hadn't thought of verb AND adverb.
"The law is an honourable profession." she retorted briefly.
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"Who took my flowers?" asked Tom lackadaisically.
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For you musicians
"They've cancelled my performance!" said Tom disconcertedly.
"I started to write a symphony but ended up with a tone poem," said Tom capriciously.
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"Who took my flowers?" asked Tom lackadaisically. - coffeebean
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"I never knew there were so many cars in Paris!" said Tom ruefully. "rue" is the French word for "street"
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"I just adore sunsets!!" she beamed colorfully.
"I prefer moonlight." he reflected dimly.
But lackadaisically is my favorite.
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but lackadaisically is my favorite I agree. It's even been published - printed in an old GAMES magazine, mid-Nineties is my guess, and kudos indeed to the bloke who first thought it up. See our old thread at http:// wordsmith.org/board/showflat.pl?Cat=&Board=wordplay&Number=73860 !
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Oops! Here I thought it was outta my own little brain! 
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Don't worry, CB. I'll give you credit for it. Same thing happens to me all the time.
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Here I thought it was outta my own little brain
No reason to think it wasn't, just because someone else also thought of it... :-)
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"If this computer freezes one more time, I'm going to ice it," she said coldly. (um.... this one is too close to home, at the moment!)
And now some simple ones:
"I don't think I'll be here for that meeting" she said absently.
"Oh, no, I've burned dinner!" she said crisply.
"I think I spent too much money on this Rolex" he said extravagantly.
"I plan to make a lot of money!" he said richly.
"Let me make you a milkshake," he said smoothly.
"Don't walk in here; I broke a glass!" he said sharply.
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"I've got my bra on backward," she said titillatingly.
TEd
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old hand
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This one's for etaoin
"No, no! That's polyphony!" Tom countered pointedly.
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thanks!
formerly known as etaoin...
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"I'm introducing Mr Horace Ontil," he cross-threaded flatly.
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stranger
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"I've just been run over by a steamroller," said Tom flatly.
"Wait! My foot's caught in your car door," said Tom movingly.
"You need to re-do these geometry problems," said Tom reprovingly.
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stranger
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Oops, I dropped the toothpaste, Tom said, crestfallen.
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Oops, I dropped the toothpaste, Tom said, crestfallen. HA! Wonderful!
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old hand
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>Oops, I dropped the toothpaste, Tom said, crestfallen.
Whereas my Tom would have said it aimlessly.
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"I studied at Colgate", he said transcendentally.
formerly known as etaoin...
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old hand
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"I can't find the toothpaste," said Tom aimlessly.
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>"I can't find the toothpaste," said Tom aimlessly.
I am sincerely flattered. <g>
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Oops! Sorry, sjm, it's late and I should have looked a little closer. CB
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“I reckon that’s only a part of it,” Tom added abstractedly.
“I’ve given away my land and water rights,” Tom declaimed dryly.
“The campanologists are at work tonight,” Tom told them darkly.
“Well, I’ve only just come back from church,” Tom returned faithfully.
“I’ve connected the water to the boiler,” Tom piped up heatedly.
“I slept on the flock mattress,” Tom lied sheepishly.
“I’ll go to the sales if you’ll buy me a beer,” Tom bargained cannily.
“A boxer’s place is in the ring,” Tom barked roundly.
“But Table Mountain has a large flat area on top,” Tom countered plainly.
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Those are splendid, dxb!!! "But you must believe in fairies!" cried Tom imploringly.
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"Anything my brother does, I can do better!" said Tom ably.
And here's one for vanguard:
"I'm in the choir!" said Tom gleefully.
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journeyman
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Not "I'm in the choir!" Tom said bass-ly?
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy? -Ursula K. Le Guin, author (1929- )
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"Ah! *That brother!" Tom said arcanely.
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"How do you kill a vampire?" asked Tom painstakingly.
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Ooooh, good one Coffeebean
"Mine aren't nearly that complex" she said plaintively.
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addict
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"I like cheese", Tom said meekly.
CAUTION: these are rude
"You arouse me", said Tom, longingly.
"I'm coming", Tom ejaculated.
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The inmate is escaping down the fire escape! Tom said condescendingly.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Hi gang
Back in a previous life (possibly referenced in those links given at the head of this string which I cannot get to open) some discussion had taken place on the history of Tom Swifties. I understand the general background of a piss-take of the adverbially overladen books by the Stratemeyer conglomerate… but I had recalled my American brethren and sistren talking of a major advertising campaign (an oil company, in the 50s?) which widely popularised the form as roadside billboards.
Google has failed to cut me a path through the jungle – any pointers?
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veteran
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Happy New Year, Maverick...Burma Shave? 
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old hand
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Hi there maverick! It is SO good to see you back again. Mille failte!
I'm immortal until proven otherwise
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Happy New Year, Maverick...Burma Shave? YES! Thank you - too few active neurons to waste more on this annoying escapee from the Wot I Know prison... New underpants for Christmas? quized Tom briefly. Happy New Year to all.
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Maverick!! Happy New Year!, he said, annually!
formerly known as etaoin...
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Yes, Happy New Year to you all ! !
----please, draw me a sheep----
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Yes, Happy New Year All!
Gosh, I've been off this board for years, he said, absently.
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Well, it's good to have you back.
----please, draw me a sheep----
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Gosh, I've been off this board for years, he said, absently.
heh
formerly known as etaoin...
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Carpal Tunnel
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Yes, Happy New Year All!
Gosh, I've been off this board for years, he said, absently. "Wot 'e said," she echoed.
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"Maverick! We've been yearning for you at home!" she said Bawdily.
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old hand
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LOL, said Rhuby, laughingly
I'm immortal until proven otherwise
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OMG, maverick, you really have stirred up the ghosts of AWAD past! Well done for tempting back people who haven't been spotted on these shores for aeons. Welcome back, all of you.
I'm immortal until proven otherwise
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If I had know the R-commander was so active over here, I might have been tempted to visit sooner. You should have said so!
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Better late than never at all, Shotokunungwa. Good to see you back here.
I'm immortal until proven otherwise
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Yu Shi you wanna call me that? I thought this was a Chinese discussion...
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old hand
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I just hop I haven't annoyed you by it.
I'm immortal until proven otherwise
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I just hop I haven't annoyed you by it. he said, natively.
formerly known as etaoin...
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Pooh-Bah
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I'll be under the gimlet, said Tom sublimely.
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Buffalo saw where I was coming from, he said, pointedly.
I'm immortal until proven otherwise
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Pooh-Bah
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"Bit of the hair, please," said Tom doggedly.
Last edited by inselpeter; 01/01/13 04:58 PM.
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Thanks insel.
How's Noo Yoick nowadays - hope you're well?
"Wow, what a station!" announced Tom, grandly
Last edited by maverick; 01/01/13 07:00 PM. Reason: swift afterthought
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Maverick mon coeur, how nice to see you again. You are sorely missed.
----------------------------------------------------
"Happy New Year filled with smiles to you all," she said happily
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belM, belle aime, thank you and lovely to hear from you too - sorry to have missed your amazing smile chez toi last year!
I love visiting other people's houses, opined Tom movingly.
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"'New York'? Never!" said Tom sleepily.
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Welcome back, IP, Consuela, and Mav!
":):):):)" said Tom, rightly.
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Thanks Avy - I was reading last night that interesting thread on script writing etc - enjoy hearing your voice again "I'm addicted to the theatre!" whispered Tom dramatically.
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"So avon-ly to be scene you," said Tom act-ively. (Ugh!)
Edit: ugh to the construction overkill not the sentiment.
Last edited by Avy; 01/02/13 03:39 PM.
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Speaking of hearing someone's voice again ... !
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Father Steve, how wonderful to hear your civilised voice too - I never was quite sure whether to address you as Your Honour or Your Worship. But I always remember your wonderfully dry tones about those appearing in front of you having more need of mercy than justice, so I feel I'm in good hands  The quality of mercy is not trained, opined Tom incitefully.
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and there you have it: Your Mercy about covers it all, concluded Tom summarily.
Last edited by tsuwm; 01/03/13 05:24 PM. Reason: forgot my adverb!
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Speaking of hearing someone's voice again ... ! Speaking of seeing someone's face again... I'd like to say hello to you. I remember you as the Honorable Hoochie Coochie man, as you presented in some musical thread the lyrics to that song.
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I've been house-keeping my computer files and came across a copy of a post I made a llong time back on this thread - which seems to have disappeared (unless there was another thread of Tom Swifties?)
I quite liked it at the time, so thought I'd disinter it and re-present it for you.
A group of friends were sorting out a box of letters which had become scrambled. Tom was in charge.
“If we tackle the job alphabetically we’ll soon find the first three letters,” Tom see-sawed ably.
“The fourth letter is repeated,” he declared deedily.
“Finding the fifth shouldn’t be difficult,” Tom said easily.
“Goodness! The sixth letter is big enough to crawl into!” said Tom ineffably.
“Bother, I’ve – er - dropped the eighth one,” ‘e said ‘altingly.
“The ninth letter looks well,” he observed seeingly.
“The tenth one looks like a bird,” jeered Tom jadedly.
“Eleventh - better after fifteenth,” he agreed abbreviatedly.
Picking up the twelfth, “We’ll probably go here,” grinned Tom devilishly.
“Thirteen – this is unlucky for some,” he mourned emphatically.
“If we can find enough of the fourteenth letter, we could use it to separate the others,“ Tom typed enthusiastically
“The fifteenth letter looks good when it brackets the twentieth,” owned Tom otiosely
“Isn’t the sixteenth one absolutely souper?” he posed peaceably.
“Would any of you wish to stand in line for the seventeenth?” he questioned quizzically.
“The eighteenth letter, is plural,” Tom rolled out artfully.
“The nineteenth is essential,” Tom squeaked sibilantly.
“Anyone for the twentieth?” he poured out the question, leafily.
The twenty-first was missing: “This is no use,” Tom uttered ululatingly.
Tom brandished the twenty-second above his head. “Long live the difference,” he voiced Frenchly
“The twenty-third is twice as bad as the twenty-first,” Tom wailed world-wearily. or [white] was it Word-windedly[/white]?
“This marks the place of the twenty-fourth letter,” he exclaimed markedly.
“We’ll keep quiet about the last two,” Tom mouthed, wisely and keeping his tongue still.
I'm immortal until proven otherwise
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it's still around, he said otiosely
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"Ah, I love my synapses", he said memorably.
formerly known as etaoin...
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old hand
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Many thanks, once agin, tsuwm.
"I never seem able to find these things again," he said, forgetfully.
I'm immortal until proven otherwise
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I'm so glad you all stepped out of the shadows, she said delightedly.
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"The way you people use the brain is quite entertaining," he said, fundamentally.
Last edited by Tromboniator; 01/10/13 09:35 AM.
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“We’ll keep quiet about the last two,” Tom mouthed, wisely and keeping his tongue still.
"I won't ask why", she zaid.
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old hand
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Old Brit proverb, "A wise head keepeth a still tongue."
I'm immortal until proven otherwise
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Old Appalachian sayin': A wiser head keepeth a still.
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"Perhaps we could condense that", he said heatedly.
formerly known as etaoin...
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"That's the spirit!", Tom said, drunkenly
I'm immortal until proven otherwise
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Pooh-Bah
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"It was the original of this thread that lured me here the first time." she said Swiftly.
Last edited by Zed; 01/10/13 09:21 PM.
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"Thank goodness it's not over yet", he said finally.
formerly known as etaoin...
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"It's one of the second, third or fourth from last," he said antepenultimately ...
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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> fourth from last
"That's coming soon!" he ejaculated prematurely.
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Oh, mav, I thought you had a backbone, she said spinelessly.
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"Always pleased to see you!" he intoned stonily.
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"Always stoned to please you!" he sawed pleasingly.
formerly known as etaoin...
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"I think the boat's tipping again," he said realistically.
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"I can't bring the fish in fast enough", she said reelistically.
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"Hurry up with those fish, the oil is ready," she battered hotly.
Last edited by Zed; 02/12/13 06:04 AM.
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"I adore flowers," she said lovelily.
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"I adore seeing Zed ", she said pleasantly surprised.
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"Press the button beside the portal," she said adoringly.
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Nice skirt, he said shortly.
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"I haven't been shriven yet," he said shortly.
"Can't find my underwear, either," he added briefly.
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"My top is all creased," he said, shirtily.
I'm immortal until proven otherwise
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"You are quite beautiful," he said pantingly.
formerly known as etaoin...
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 9,919 Likes: 3
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 9,919 Likes: 3 |
"I haven't been shriven yet," he said shortly.
"Can't find my underwear, either," he added briefly.
"Can't find my briefs", he said, shortly.
----please, draw me a sheep----
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