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#83402 - 10/11/02 10:04 AM Warning: Terrible Puns And Wordplay Inside!
modestgoddess Offline
old hand

Registered: 02/18/02
Posts: 833
Loc: Eastern Ontario, Canada
A friend just sent me these....good for a groan or a giggle!

For all you lexiophiles:

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.

2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism it's your
count that votes.

6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat
minor.

11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.

14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

17. Every calendar's days are numbered.

18. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

20. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

22. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium
at large.

23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

24. When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.

25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

26. When an actress saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd

dye.

27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

If you can't see the bright side, polish the dull side.

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#83403 - 10/13/02 08:15 AM Re: Warning: Terrible Puns And Wordplay Inside!
troubador Offline
stranger

Registered: 09/29/02
Posts: 13
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
A chicken crossing the road is a grille burger.




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#83404 - 10/22/02 09:35 PM Re: Warning: Terrible Puns And Wordplay Inside!
Littljoe Offline
stranger

Registered: 09/26/02
Posts: 15
Loc: Kansas City
Hey, that's nacho cheese, it's mine!


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#83405 - 10/26/02 07:20 AM Re: Warning: Terrible Puns And Wordplay Inside!
bonzaialsatian Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 09/27/02
Posts: 261
Loc: London/Prague
28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
and the ones who rebel are insubordinate clauses!
Oh yeah, and don't forget... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off!


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#83406 - 10/26/02 10:19 PM Re: Warning: Terrible Puns And Wordplay Inside!
Jackie Offline

Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 03/15/00
Posts: 11609
Loc: Louisville, Kentucky
Thanks, mg--these made me laugh out loud.


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