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#7186 - 10/02/00 09:02 PM Mix-and-Match masterpieces?
Max Quordlepleen Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 08/12/00
Posts: 3409
I just read this in a newsgroup, and thought I would share it with any who might fight it as amusing as I did.

These are from a Washington Post Invitational contest, which calls them Merge-Matic Books. Readers were asked to combine the works of two authors, and to provide a suitable blurb:

Second Runner-up: "Machiavelli's The Little Prince" - Antoine de Saint-Exupery's classic children's tale as presented by Machiavelli. The whimsy of human nature is embodied in many delightful and intriguing characters, all of whom are executed.

First Runner-up: "Green Eggs and Hamlet" - Would you kill him in his bed? Thrust a dagger through his head? I would not, could not, kill the King. I could not do that evil thing. I would not wed this girl, you see. Now get her to a nunnery.

And the Winner: "Fahrenheit 451 of the Vanities" - An '80s yuppie is denied books. He does not object, or even notice.

Honorable Mentions: "Where's Walden?"- Alas, the challenge of locating Henry David Thoreau in each richly detailed drawing loses its appeal when it quickly becomes clear that he is always in the woods.

"Catch-22 in the Rye" - Holden learns that if you're insane, you'll probably flunk out of prep school, but if you're flunking out of prep school, you're probably not insane.

"2001: A Space Iliad"- The Hal 9000 computer wages an insane 10-year war against the Greeks after falling victim to the Y2K bug.

"Rikki-Kon-Tiki-Tavi"- Thor Heyerdahl recounts his attempt to prove Rudyard Kipling's theory that the mongoose first came to India on a raft from Polynesia.

"The Maltese Faulkner" - Is the black bird a tortured symbol of Sam's struggles with race and family? Does it signify his decay of soul along with the soul of the Old South? Is it merely a crow, mocking his attempts to understand? Or is it worth a cool mill?

"Jane Eyre Jordan" - Plucky English orphan girl survives hardships to lead the Chicago Bulls to the NBA championship.

"Looking for Mr. Godot"- A young woman waits for Mr. Right to enter her life. She has a looonng wait.

"The Scarlet Pimpernel Letter" - An 18th-century English nobleman leads a double life, freeing comely young adulteresses from the prisons of post-Revolution France.

"Lorna Dune" - An English farmer, Paul Atreides, falls for the daughter of a notorious rival clan, the Harkonnens, and pursues a career as a giant worm jockey in order to impress her.

"The Remains of the Day of the Jackal" - A formal English butler puts his loyalty to his employer above all else, until he is persuaded to join a plot to assassinate Charles de Gaulle.

"The Invisible Man of La Mancha"- Don Quixote discovers a mysterious elixir which renders him invisible. He proceeds to go on a mad rampage of corruption and terror, attacking innocent people in the streets all the while singing "To fight the Invisible Man!" until he is finally stopped by a windmill.

"Singing in the Black Rain"- A gang of vicious Japanese drug lords beat the tar out of Gene Kelly.

"Of Three Blind Mice and Men" - Burgess Meredith has his limbs hacked off by a psychopathic farmer's wife. Did you ever see such a sight in your life?

"Planet of the Grapes of Wrath" - Astronaut lands on mysterious planet, only to discover that it is his very own home planet of Earth, which has been taken over by the Joads, a race of dirt-poor corn farmers who miraculously developed rudimentary technology and evolved the ability to speak after exposure to nuclear radiation.

"Paradise Lost in Space"- Satan, Moloch, and Belial are sentenced to spend eternity in a flying saucer with a goofy robot, an evil scientist, and 2 annoying children.

"The Exorstentialist" - Camus' psychological thriller about a priest who casts out a demon by convincing it that there's really no purpose to what it's doing.


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#7187 - 10/03/00 07:25 AM Re: Mix-and-Match masterpieces?
Jackie Offline

Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 03/15/00
Posts: 11609
Loc: Louisville, Kentucky
Dearest Max,

I'll bet a lot of subscribers here could match these! (hint)


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#7188 - 10/03/00 02:34 PM Re: Mix-and-Match masterpieces?
Brandon Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/16/00
Posts: 218
Loc: Mountain West, USA

The Tell-Tale Heart of Two Cities - Double your pleasure and double your fun, all to the head-rolling thump thump thump of the village square.


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#7189 - 10/03/00 03:11 PM Re: Mix-and-Match masterpieces?
Brandon Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/16/00
Posts: 218
Loc: Mountain West, USA
Or maybe:

Turn of the Screwtape Letters - A fantastic collection of Linda Blair's early letters and correspondence to both the living and the dead.


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#7190 - 10/03/00 05:34 PM Re: Mix-and-Match masterpieces?
belMarduk Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 09/28/00
Posts: 2891
"Gone With the Exorcist" - The gripping tale of a woman possessed and the priest who doesn't give a damn.


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#7191 - 10/04/00 07:46 AM Re: Mix-and-Match masterpieces?
Bingley Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 04/09/00
Posts: 3065
Loc: Jakarta
"Bleak House on the Prairie" -- now a long-running TV series. Our authoress tells the story of the interminable lawsuit of Jarndyce v. Ingalls as a metaphor for the depravity and corruption at the heart of life on the Great Plains.

Bingley
_________________________
Bingley

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#7192 - 10/04/00 09:15 PM Re: Mix-and-Match masterpieces?
TEd Remington Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 07/17/00
Posts: 3467
Loc: Marion NC
How about: The Soylent Green Mile" -- a cookbook for quick-fry enthusiasts in the 22nd century

_________________________
TEd

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