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old hand
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OP
old hand
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 771 |
Just got this by email, and I thought you might enjoy some of these ~ Sparteye, you'll love #22!  Best Verified Newspaper Headlines of the Year... 1.) Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space 2.) Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say 3.) Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 4.) Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case 5.) Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 6.) Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? 7.) Prostitutes Appeal to Pope 8.) Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over 9.) British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands 10.) Teacher Strikes Idle Kids 11.) Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead 12.) Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told 13.) Miners Refuse to Work After Death 14.) Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 15.) Stolen Painting Found by Tree 16.) Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter 17.) War Dims Hope for Peace 18.) If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While 19.) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide 20.) Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge 21.) New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group 22.) Include Your Children When Baking Cookies 23.) Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 24.) Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half 25.) Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
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Posts: 96
journeyman
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journeyman
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 96 |
My personal favourite is a soccer headline, Celtic the most powerful and rich soccer team in Scotland were knocked out of the cup by a bunch of amateurs called: Inverness Caledonian Thistle, known as "cally" the headline?
SUPER CALLY GO BALLISTIC CELTIC ARE ATROCIOUS !
the Duncster
the Duncster
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Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
Oh, F-babe, I have tears streaming! Oh, man! These are great!
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Reckon they'd better become jayrunners, then.
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands Good heavens, I took this literally for a minute!
Miners Refuse to Work After Death Should have had DND on their headstones instead of RIP.
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant Apparently detention didn't work.
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge Gee, will he use his bare hands?
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group I volunteer.
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Only the vegetarian ones.
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Yow--talk about incentive for staying in school!
Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Well...duh!
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Posts: 679
addict
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addict
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 679 |
I saw two great headlines when I live in London in the late '80s. One was about a library strike in a small town calle Onger. It read:
BOOK LACK IN ONGER
The other (a bit more dubious) was about an unsuccessful assassination attempt on Paul McCartney. It read:
TOP POP MOP-TOP POT-SHOT PLOT FLOPS!
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Posts: 3,439
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,439 |
Read these posts yesterday and today and cannot stop laughing ... since I am an Aquarian #6 had me rolling on the floor! Hilarious!!
Ah well, as Grandmother used to say : "A good laugh is as good as a good cry any day!"
I'm feeling *much better now!
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Posts: 2,605
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605 |
Supermarket-tabloid headline: "BIN LADEN'S WILD NIGHT WITH A GOAT."
Outraged protest has been registered by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.
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Posts: 833
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 833 |
I used to work at a newspaper, and one of the reporters told me about a rather unfortunate typo in the headline to a story of hers about how upset parents and others were at the notion of the school board putting condom machines in the washrooms of the town's schools:
CONDOM DEBATE RAISES PUBIC OUTCRY
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Posts: 4,189
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189 |
Our local weekly had this heading on a story a couple of weeks back:
LOCAL POLICE, RESCUE RECEIVE JOINT TRAINING
Let's see...first, you screen out the tops and seeds...then you take the rolling paper...
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Posts: 3,146
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146 |
Once when I was in the printing side of the newspaper industry, I set a late caption for a picture of an RNZAF aircraft (when the air force still had aircraft) assisting a yacht in trouble in the Taranaki Bight (nice bit of cross-threading there, CK!). Right in the middle of Page 1. The caption I set read: "An RNZAF Orion drops farts to the crew of the foundering yacht." Guess which word I transposed the letters in? This occasioned a rather fraught trip to the MDs office to explain myself ... 
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
Now, had the yacht been becalmed - - -  (reminds me of the verse which starts: "The Second Mate's name was Carter, ..." 
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 3,065 |
An oldie but goodie (my apologies if I have mentioned it before). The headline after an unfortunate incident where a lunatic escaped after raping laundry workers:
NUT SCREWS WASHERS & BOLTS
Bingley
Bingley
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
my apologies if I have mentioned it beforeYou did, my dear Bingley, but it is well worth bringing up again--'specially since I for one had forgotten it. Rhuby's pome, though--I don't believe I know that one, and I think that if anyone would care to enlighten me it had better be privately...
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,981 |
We y'all know how much I enjoy a little Google. Well I's bin searchin' for days and those darn Variety headlines are pretty darn elusive. So I'll be dishin' out serious respect for any of youz who can post a link to some of those great headlines from years gone by. You knows the ones with weird abbreviation that go on forever (or maybe I'm wrong and it wasn't Variety).
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Posts: 5,400
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400 |
Hix Nix Stix Pix
(Hicks Nix Sticks Pic's or rural viewers dislike how hollywoods portraits them.)
is the most famous Varity headline i know. i guess i thought everyone knew it, and it was too trite.
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newbie
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newbie
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Posts: 36 |
Just before Easter a few years ago, our local paper had the heading "Moose Egg Hunt Planned". This same paper let the following headline get by -- "Your Ready For College Now".
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Posts: 1,981
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,981 |
>Hix Nix Stix Pix
Thanks Helen, that was the one that I was trying to remember.
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Posts: 320
enthusiast
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enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 320 |
PIX NIX CRIX SHTICKS.
Author/s: Jonathan Bing
Issue: March 13, 2000
Another Variety headline, from a column objecting to some contemporary film critics.
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Posts: 157
member
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member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 157 |
Hey, did you guys hear about those new corduroy pillowcases? They're making headlines all over!
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Posts: 1,773
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,773 |
And here are some more headlines:
Stadium Air Conditioning Fails - Fans Protest
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
LA Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide
March Planned For Next August
Patient At Death's Door - Doctors Pull him Through
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511 |
from 1994-95
Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link
-Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995
Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut
-The New York Times, November 22
Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find
-The Los Angeles Times, November 2
'Light' meals are lower in fat, calories
-Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30
Alcohol ads promote drinking
-The Hartford Courant, November 18
Malls try to attract shoppers
-The Baltimore Sun, October 22
Official: Only rain will cure drought
-The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts
Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men
-The Sunday Oregonian, September 24
Low Wages Said Key to Poverty
-Newsday, July 11
Man shoots neighbor with machete
-The Miami Herald, July 3
Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes
-The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30
Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows
-The New York Times, March 10
Scientists see quakes in L.A. future
-The Oregonian, January 28
Free Advice: Bundle up when out in the cold
-Lexington Herald-Leader, January 26
Prosecution paints O.J. as a wife-killer
-Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel, January 25
Economist uses theory to explain economy
-Collinsville Herald-Journal, February 8
Bible church's focus is the Bible
-Saint Augustine Record, Florida, December 3, 1994
Clinton pledges restraint in use of nuclear weapons
-Cedar Rapids Gazette, April 6
Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear
-Journal of Commerce, April 20
Lack of brains hinders research
-The Columbus Dispatch, April 16
How we feel about ourselves is the core of self-esteem, says author Louise Hart
-Boulder, Colorado, Sunday Camera, February 5
Fish lurk in streams
-Rochester, New York, Democrat & Chronicle, January 29
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