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Previous Thread Next Thread Print Thread Page 1 of 2 1 2 Of Sheep and Kiwis and Aussies #53390 01/21/02 10:15 PM Joined: Nov 2000 Posts: 3,146 Northamptonshire, England Capital Kiwi OP Carpal Tunnel OP Capital Kiwi Carpal Tunnel Joined: Nov 2000 Posts: 3,146 Northamptonshire, England This will be totally unintelligible to some of you, I'm sure ... It would also work with Englishmen and Welshmen! A New Zealand ventroloquist is visiting Australia. While he's visiting a small town, he sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun. Ventriloquist: "G'Day Mate! Good looking dog, mate. Mind if I speak to him?" Aussie: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Kiwi." Ventriloquist: "Hey dog, how's it going old mate?" Dog: "I'm Doin' all right." Aussie: (look of extreme shock) Ventriloquist: "Is this Aussie your owner?" (pointing at Aussie). Dog: "Yep" Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good mate - he walks me twice a day, feeds me great tucker and takes me to the lake once a week to play" Aussie: (look of utter disbelief) Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Aussie: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either ....I think." Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool." Aussie: (absolutely dumbfounded) Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at Aussie) Horse: "Yep" Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regular, brushes me down often and keeps me in a barn to protect me from the rain." Aussie: (total look of amazement) Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" Aussie: "The sheep's a f*****g liar!" The idiot also known as Capfka ... Copy Link to Clipboard Share Post on Facebook Share Post on Twitter Re: Of Sheep and Kiwis and Aussies #53391 01/21/02 10:33 PM Joined: Mar 2000 Posts: 6,511 lower upstate New York AnnaStrophic Carpal Tunnel AnnaStrophic Carpal Tunnel Joined: Mar 2000 Posts: 6,511 lower upstate New York I got it, unfortunately Copy Link to Clipboard Share Post on Facebook Share Post on Twitter Re: Of Sheep and Kiwis and Aussies #53392 01/21/02 10:48 PM Joined: Jun 2001 Posts: 2,636 Caribbean consuelo Carpal Tunnel consuelo Carpal Tunnel Joined: Jun 2001 Posts: 2,636 Caribbean Isn't this where the female joke readers say "That's disgusting!"? [tee-hee] It kind of reminds me of a song a friend of mine sings. I don't think she wrote it, but I googled and couldn't find it. All about a young man from Appalachia going off to college and learning how to spend money on wine, women and song. He convinces his father that he has found someone that can teach their old dog, Blue, to talk. All he needs is a bunch of money. After spending all the money, Christmas break rolls around and the father is so excited. He wants to hear his dog talk. The son and the dog are on the train going home when the son realizes that he's going to have to push the dog off the train and so he does it. When he gets to the station, the father says "Where's ol' Blue?" The son tells him how they were talking up a storm all the way back home. Then ol' Blue started talking about what he'd seen Dad and the neighbor's wife doing in the barn. The son said he thought his dad might not want ol' Blue telling his mom about that, so he pushed him off the train. The dad stood there a minute rubbing his chin. Then he said"Son, I just have one question for you. Did you go back and make sure that dog was dead?" "Well, I got a dog an' his name is Blue. Bet you five dollars he's a good dog, too." Copy Link to Clipboard Share Post on Facebook Share Post on Twitter Re: Of Sheep and Kiwis and Aussies #53393 01/21/02 10:50 PM Joined: Sep 2000 Posts: 2,891 B belMarduk Carpal Tunnel belMarduk Carpal Tunnel B Joined: Sep 2000 Posts: 2,891 That is so baaaad. I think somebody is due for a fleecing Copy Link to Clipboard Share Post on Facebook Share Post on Twitter Re: Of Sheep and Kiwis and Aussies #53394 01/21/02 10:53 PM Joined: Jan 2001 Posts: 13,858 W wwh Carpal Tunnel wwh Carpal Tunnel W Joined: Jan 2001 Posts: 13,858 The sheep was just going to complain that she didn't get a coat to protect her from the cold after being shorn. Copy Link to Clipboard Share Post on Facebook Share Post on Twitter Re: Of Sheep and Kiwis and Aussies #53395 01/22/02 01:02 AM Joined: Dec 2000 Posts: 13,803 Faldage Carpal Tunnel Faldage Carpal Tunnel Joined: Dec 2000 Posts: 13,803 dog...horse...sheep Whereat's the weasels? Copy Link to Clipboard Share Post on Facebook Share Post on Twitter Re: Of Sheep and Kiwis and Aussies #53396 01/22/02 01:19 AM Joined: Jan 2001 Posts: 618 Australia D doc_comfort addict doc_comfort addict D Joined: Jan 2001 Posts: 618 Australia Whereat's the weasels? I NEVER!!! Copy Link to Clipboard Share Post on Facebook Share Post on Twitter Re: Of Sheep and Kiwis and Aussies #53397 01/22/02 02:23 AM Joined: Jan 2001 Posts: 13,858 W wwh Carpal Tunnel wwh Carpal Tunnel W Joined: Jan 2001 Posts: 13,858 Weasel? Somebody must be really worn down. Copy Link to Clipboard Share Post on Facebook Share Post on Twitter Re: Of Sheep and Kiwis and Aussies #53398 01/22/02 03:53 AM Joined: Mar 2000 Posts: 11,613 Louisville, Kentucky Jackie Carpal Tunnel Jackie Carpal Tunnel Joined: Mar 2000 Posts: 11,613 Louisville, Kentucky Whereat's the weasels? I NEVER!!! Gee, doc, if I didn't know better, I might think you had a guilty conscience or something... Copy Link to Clipboard Share Post on Facebook Share Post on Twitter Re: Of Sheep and Kiwis and Aussies #53399 01/22/02 04:07 AM Joined: Mar 2001 Posts: 4,189 Rio Grande, Cape May County, N... WhitmanO'Neill Carpal Tunnel WhitmanO'Neill Carpal Tunnel Joined: Mar 2001 Posts: 4,189 Rio Grande, Cape May County, N... Well, it seems the most sheepish people like sheep jokes...(and the stingiest people like cheap jokes?) Where's TEd when you need 'im? Copy Link to Clipboard Share Post on Facebook Share Post on Twitter Page 1 of 2 1 2 Moderated by  Jackie  Hop To General Topics ------  Information and announcements  Q&A about words  Wordplay and fun  Words and languages in schools  Miscellany  Weekly Themes  Looking for (writers, speakers,... (Old) Weekly themes. 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