Returning vertically to the lighter side:
SIMILAR CASESCharlotte Perkins Stetson Gilman [1860-1935]
who is herself worth a google, for example,
http://www.teaching.com/webstock/center/text/webstock12.htm There was once a little animal, / No bigger than a fox,
And on five toes he scampered / Over Tertiary rocks.
They called him Eohippus, / And they called him very small,
And they thought him of no value - / When they thought of him at all;
For the lumpish old Dinoceras / And Coryphodon so slow
Were the heavy aristocracy / In days of long ago.
Said the little Eohippus, / "I am going to be a horse!
And on my middle finger-nails / To run my earthly course!
I'm going to have a flowing tail! / I'm going to have a mane!
I'm going to stand fourteen hands high / On the psychozoic plain!"
The Coryphodon was horrified, / The Dinoceras was shocked;
And they chased young Eohippus, / But he skipped away and mocked.
And they laughed enormous laughter, / And they groaned enormous groans,
And they bade young Eohippus / Go view his father's bones.
Said they, "You always were as small / And mean as now we see,
And that's conclusive evidence / That you're always going to be.
What! Be a great, tall, handsome beast, / With hoofs to gallop on?
Why! You'd have to change your nature!" / Said the Loxolophodon.
They considered him disposed of, / And retired with gait serene;
That was the way they argued / In "the early Eocene."
There was once an Anthropoidal Ape, / Far smarter than the rest,
And everything that they could do / He always did the best;
So they naturally disliked him, / And they gave him shoulders cool,
And when they had to mention him / They said he was a fool.
Cried this pretentious Ape one day, / "I'm going to be a Man!
And stand upright, and hunt, and fight, / And conquer all I can!
I'm going to cut down forest trees, / To make my houses higher!
I'm going to kill the Mastodon! / I'm going to make a fire!"
Loud screamed the Anthropoidal Apes / With laughter wild and gay;
They tried to catch that boastful one, / But he always got away.
So they yelled at him in chorus, / Which he minded not a whit;
And they pelted him with cocoanuts, / Which didn't seem to hit.
And then they gave him reasons / Which they thought of much avail,
To prove how his preposterous / Attempt was sure to fail.
Said the sages, "In the first place, / The thing cannot be done!
And, second, if it could be, / It would not be any fun!
And, third, and most conclusive, / And admitting no reply,
You would have to change your nature! / We should like to see you try!"
They chuckled then triumphantly, / These lean and hairy shapes,
For these things passed as arguments / With the Anthropoidal Apes.
There was once a Neolithic Man, / An enterprising wight,
Who made his chopping implements / Unusually bright.
Unusually clever he, / Unusually brave,
And he drew delightful Mammoths / On the borders of his cave.
To his Neolithic neighbors, / Who were startled and surprised,
Said he, "My friends, in course of time, / We shall be civilized!
We are going to live in cities! / We are going to fight in wars!
We are going to eat three times a day / Without the natural cause!
We are going to turn life upside down / About a thing called gold!
We are going to want the earth, and take / As much as we can hold!
We are going to wear great piles of stuff / Outside our proper skins!
We are going to have diseases! / And Accomplishments!! And Sins!!!"
Then they all rose up in fury / Against their boastful friend,
For prehistoric patience / Cometh quickly to an end.
Said one, "This is chimerical! / Utopian! Absurd!"
Said another, "What a stupid life! / Too dull, upon my word!"
Cried all, "Before such things can come, / You idiotic child,
You must alter Human Nature!" / And they all sat back and smiled.
Thought they, "An answer to that last / It will be hard to find!"
It was a clinching argument / To the Neolithic Mind!
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