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and your tolerance, please, all.
A friend has just died from cancer. Though 'expected' for some time, it's still hard to bear.
Kate was in her thirties. Her son is 10.
I have been asked to read the address next Monday at the funeral. Can anyone help with a few favourite words?
Thank you. If you can click on this message for any reply, it will be emailed to me even if I cannot get to the board much.
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Oh, Sweetie, I am sorry. Golly. I'm just going to list whatever I think of; no order.
understanding; clever; funny; beloved; loving; unique; will be missed; scholarly; inner beauty; blithe spirit; joyful;
caring; sense of duty; fulfilled; courageous; magnanimous;
generous; kind; centered; earthy; spiritual; laughing;
everyone will miss her smile; giving of herself; she treasured ____; she was treasured; {son's name), do your best to act according to how she taught you; organized; a
hard worker; always did the best she could; enthusiastic;
threw herself into things; full of light; selfless; no one
could ____ like she could; graced all who knew her.
Sweet maverick, if I think of any more, I'll let you know,
and will be thinking of you on Monday.
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enthusiast
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I sympathize with you, maverick. Honoring your friend will be easy because her many fine qualities that drew you to her will provide ample words for praise but to console the 10-year old son will be a daunting task. It is to him that much thought should be given. I am sorry that I cannot help but I have great confidence that your great desire to comfort this grieving son will help you find the words you will need.
chronist
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Now I see that Jackie has given you an arsenal of words to help you out. And fine words they are. Dear maverick, you will do just fine.
chronist
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old hand
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old hand
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Dear Mav
The best words will be the words true to your feelings.
Just be guided by your feelings and the simplest word will sound good.
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Anonymous
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oh, Mav, i am so sorry to hear this news.
the one thing i always think of in these situations is the phrase 'touched so many lives'. in this case, so many of your friends lovely attributes are doubtlessly impressed upon and carried on by her son (*sigh*), so perhaps comment could be made on the good fortune that--quite literally--a part of her lives on, in her child.
i found this online (forgive the length) and parts of it i found quite moving:
How do you eulogize your hero, other than to say Richie is the greatest man I've ever known?
It is more than obvious that we are all experiencing a devastating loss--but you know who I feel for as much as anyone in this room? The people that will never be touched by Rich the way we all have been. He elevated us as human beings. And we are all fortunate for that.
A man for others and often of few words, Richie always loved seeing other people do well...
...Richie had an unconditional acceptance in the form of respect for everyone he met. He always tapped into the goodness and always made you feel special...
...There was never a wasted day in Rich's life. No such thing as a day off. Today, we must bury Rich, but never forget him.
So work a little harder, spend more quality time with your families...and DON'T waste another minute, they are all precious.
In a way, this is a call to arms; for hugging and support. From this moment onward, Rosi and Baby will need all the arms we can give them.
How can you eulogize your hero? Richie is the greatest man I've ever known.
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Thanks to all. In particular I am wondering if anyone can think of a favourite short poem or other quotation that might suggest itself?
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addict
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Maverick, my thoughts are with you and her son. As for poems, I was moved by several in the Sonnets and Memorial Day threads. I find my own posting of "The life that I have" particularly moving, but you may want something less emotional. Did the friend have a favourite author you could choose from?
I hope the son finds some strength from your friendship.
Rod
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enthusiast
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....I am wondering if anyone can think of a favourite short poem or other quotation that might suggest itself?
Wordsworth's "She Was A Phantom of Delight" comes to mind. The last 10 lines are worth looking at.
chronist
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CHRISTINA ROSSETTI (1830-1894)
DREAM LAND
1 Where sunless rivers weep
2 Their waves into the deep,
3 She sleeps a charmed sleep:
4 Awake her not.
5 Led by a single star,
6 She came from very far
7 To seek where shadows are
8 Her pleasant lot.
9 She left the rosy morn,
10 She left the fields of corn,
11 For twilight cold and lorn
12 And water springs.
13 Through sleep, as through a veil,
14 She sees the sky look pale,
15 And hears the nightingale
16 That sadly sings.
17 Rest, rest, a perfect rest
18 Shed over brow and breast;
19 Her face is toward the west,
20 The purple land.
21 She cannot see the grain
22 Ripening on hill and plain;
23 She cannot feel the rain
24 Upon her hand.
25 Rest, rest, for evermore
26 Upon a mossy shore;
27 Rest, rest at the heart's core
28 Till time shall cease:
29 Sleep that no pain shall wake;
30 Night that no morn shall break
31 Till joy shall overtake
32 Her perfect peace.
===========================================================
William Yeats
Where my books go
All the words that I utter,
And all the words that I write,
Must spread out their wings untiring,
And never rest in their flight,
Till they come where your sad, sad heart is,
And sing to you in the night,
Beyond where the waters are moving,
Storm-darken'd or starry bright.
==========================================================
Christina Rossetti
Remember
REMEMBER me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
===========================================================
I doubt you will want this one, but I'm putting it because it is awful and beautiful.
Rupert Brooke
Dust
When the white flame in us is gone,
And we that lost the world's delight
Stiffen in darkness, left alone
To crumble in our separate night;
When your swift hair is quiet in death,
And through the lips corruption thrust
Has stilled the labour of my breath --
When we are dust, when we are dust! --
Not dead, not undesirous yet,
Still sentient, still unsatisfied,
We'll ride the air, and shine, and flit,
Around the places where we died,
And dance as dust before the sun,
And light of foot, and unconfined,
Hurry from road to road, and run
About the errands of the wind.
And every mote, on earth or air,
Will speed and gleam, down later days,
And like a secret pilgrim fare
By eager and invisible ways,
Nor ever rest, nor ever lie,
Till, beyond thinking, out of view,
One mote of all the dust that's I
Shall meet one atom that was you.
Then in some garden hushed from wind,
Warm in a sunset's afterglow,
The lovers in the flowers will find
A sweet and strange unquiet grow
Upon the peace; and, past desiring,
So high a beauty in the air,
And such a light, and such a quiring,
And such a radiant ecstasy there,
They'll know not if it's fire, or dew,
Or out of earth, or in the height,
Singing, or flame, or scent, or hue,
Or two that pass, in light, to light,
Out of the garden, higher, higher. . . .
But in that instant they shall learn
The shattering ecstasy of our fire,
And the weak passionless hearts will burn
And faint in that amazing glow,
Until the darkness close above;
And they will know -- poor fools, they'll know! --
One moment, what it is to love.
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My deepest condolences, mav. I can only echo the advice given so far. I know from personal experience the devastation that cancer leaves behind. I lost my father when he was in his late 60s about 25 years ago and a very good friend in his 30s just recently. Truly, the care of the son will be the hardest task. I wish you well in the weeks ahead. It will all pass in time but it will leave you changed forever.
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Maverick, my heartfelt sympathies...I lost my best friend to cancer at this time last year and was asked by his wife to play a song at his funeral (with a friend). It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do in my life, but I got through it. My friend, who has sung at services before, said she had learned not to look directly at anybody's faces when you speak, read, or sing at a funeral...which was a good tip. I brought my sheet music with me, even though I didn't need it, and focused on that...and I got through it (the song they had played at their wedding 2 years earlier...needless to say, if I had looked into his wife's face at that moment I would've lost it completely). So you'll find the strength, maverick...just focus on your notes. Here's the most poignant poem for a funeral service I know...I discovered it recently at The Poetry Archives courtesy of an English gentleman named Chesil who maintains his own poetry archives (Chesil's Favourite Poetry). This moving poem first came to public attention after a copy was left in an envelope for his parents by Steven Cummins, a soldier killed on active service in Northern Ireland, to be opened in the event of his death. In the weeks that followed the first broadcast, some 30,000 copies were requested from the British Radio Programme: The Bookworm: Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow, I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift, uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there. I did not die. --Anon. Some believe the poem has Native American roots, and it has been traced back to authorship there but never fully substantiated. Here's the other version: Native American Prayer I give you this one thought to keep -- I am with you still -- I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow, I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift, uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not think of me as gone -- I am with you still -- in each new dawn. And here is the URL for the site where Chesil has archived poems pertaining to death if you need to find something more suitable: http://www.photoaspects.com/chesil/death/index.htmlAgain , maverick, my sincerest condolences...you'll find your way through it, I'm sure. My Love and Prayers, David
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I empathise with all my heart!
I remember and reflect the humor of all those passed, and I recall the last line I wrote for my Dad's eulogy...
... leaves a legacy which will live long into the twenty first century.
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Thanks for these and the pms (have we verbed anew, tsuwm - to pee-em a friend?).
I shall be using a number of the suggestions later today. Goodnight all.
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Thanks to everyone.
Of all the good ideas proffered, I ended up quoting briefly from Remember by Christina Rossetti, and also used both the Native American Prayer and the wonderful short piece by Leo Marks. These seemed best to help convey the sense of continuity through the hearts and minds of all of us whom Kate touched in her short life. Her younger brother David spoke very movingly also - she had once saved his life a few years ago.
I spoke the words of Yours and yours and yours directly to young Colin at the final moments of the service, letting the words fall away to a whispered finish, and he was gently smiling back up at me. I nearly cracked with the rest of the congregation. I was so reminded of the way Kate used to wrinkle her nose when she smiled. He is a loving and remarkably poised young man, and his mum has the finest of all possible testaments to the love that drove her forward through nine years of agony.
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Mav,
I'm sorry I had no words for you, but you know I hold you in my heart. I thank Jackie for her words -- both her own and those she found elsewhere. Words are easy for me to come by only when we're discussing intellectual thangs. I just discovered my friend and next-door-neighbor has cancer. We soldier on.
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I just discovered my friend and next-door-neighbor has cancer.Two friends are breast cancer survivors and one sent me this link : http://www.thebreastcancersite.comIf you open and click the pink bar one of the site sponsors donates a free mammogram to a woman who otherwise could not afford it. It takes just a moment ... I know this is not a word related post but I ask your indulgence. And it is not just women who get breast cancer, gentlemen! Thank you.
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A heartfelt tear for the blessing and strength you managed to find in the midst of all your anguish.
With Love,
David
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addict
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So sorry to hear this hard news, maverick.
Sounds like you handled this difficult occasion with love, caring and respect. My thoughts are with you, and with your friend's son - such stories make me want to rush home and just hold my own son close.
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veteran
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Mav, my most sincere condolences. Due to computer problems all last week, I just saw this thread this afternoon.
I'm really touched by your allusions to your friend's circumstances, illness and departure, and your description of her funeral. Also touching is the reaction of our fellow AWADers. What a privilege to be part of such a wonderful set of human beings!
"Out of the fulness of the heart doth the mouth speak." I'm sure your speech was a genuine reflection of the promptings of your heart. God bless.
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Even if I can say just poor words..
In these days I thought of you and your friend so many times, not just at the Board, but also during the day, we say con il cuore stretto = with a clenched heart.
Please feel that we all are close to your pain.
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