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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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I must begin with the caveat that anyone who has sufficient command of a second language to be able to work in it has my undying admiration. That said, reading translations can be a real hoot. I find that directions accompanying products made outside the US are a marvelous source of Adventures in Translation.
Here is one which came with a "Magic Egg," a toy shaped like a pellet which you put into water to make it expand into a shaped sponge. I believe that the particular one I had was shaped like the state of Michigan. Here are the directions:
MAGIC EGG
Put the thing inside the Magic Egg into a clear water. It will be expanded slowly. 1 - 3 hours, it will be expanded 20 times in the volume. 6 hours later, it will be expanded 48 times, and 24 hours later it will be expanded 100 times.
After taking Magic Egg out of the water, it will be shrinked slowly to the original size, for the repetition; it will be for observation and admiration of the swelling.
MADE IN TAIWAN
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old hand
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From a Toyota diesel engine fuel filter, part number 23303-64010: 1. When warning lamp is lightening, drain water by turning on cock and operating hand pump. 
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Carpal Tunnel
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Straight English-- no translation-- nothing beats IBM--
"This Page has intentional been left blank" in the middle of an other wise blank page..
and I'll see if i can find an old directive from an IBM service manual about the care of computer mouse-- specifically on "The care and cleaning of Mouse balls." (or maybe Mr. BigBlue(RW) has a copy)
It makes you think computer geeks don't speak English as first language!
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New Scientist has a long running list of this type of instruction.
From the 31 March edition in Feedback (they sent me two, so one ended up on my desk but is is available online), a sign with "please adhere to the fenced off areas", some garden lights made of "rust resistant plastic", "This video is best viewed at room temperature", and "Each storage case automatically becomes portable when carried".
The instructions on cleaning Mouse Balls was not a real IBM personual though some very good mockups were made. However I offer this real gem from the manual for an ancient office system device.
INTERLINE SPACING X Y
Specifies the number of lines to space for each indexing operation of the printer and the number of lines to print per inch.
... tables of valid values for X are followed by:
Operand Y specifies the lines per inch
Y=5.5,6.0, 6.6 (select one) for nonrotated type styles
Y=8.57(do not select) for Data1 /Rotated type style
Line spacing for the Data1/Rotated type style is always 8.57 lpi but this value must not be specified. Specifying 5.5,6.0, or 6.6 defaults to 8.57, and specifying 8.57 results in an error.
As M. Soft Roy would say, this was induckted into my hall of fame.
Rod
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Yep, the so-called IBM mouse cleaning kit thingy was as apochryphal as Unisys' supposed Field Upgradeable Conversion Kit! Don't you wish, though? 
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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At a youth hostel in Vienna, I saw a wonderful example of this. The place had a nice little outdoor area, where the guests could hang out, but there were some rules to be followed (it was Austria, after all). Thus the sign by the door: "It is permitted to picnic in the pergola, but it is forbidden to grill in the garden."
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Carpal Tunnel
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Here's a list that some of y'all may have seen; it made the E-mail circuit not too long ago: http://www.quoteland.com/quotes/leisure/translations.htmlI'm particularly partial to "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor." -From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo
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Carpal Tunnel
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The instructions on cleaning Mouse Balls was not a real IBM personual ....Trying to redeem yourself, eh, Rod? 
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The instructions on cleaning Mouse Balls was not a real IBM personual ....
Trying to redeem yourself, eh, Rod?
Good eye, Anna! We girls have to stick together!
[harrumphing-at-an-unnamed-Britboy emoticon]
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as apochryphal as Unisys' supposed Field Upgradeable Conversion Kit!
but I believe it to be true that Wang wished to call it's customer support package "Wang Care" which caused UK smiles.
Rod
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We girls have to stick together!
[harrumphing-at-an-unnamed-Britboy emoticon]
Attaboy, sister - you go girrl!
Maxine Q.
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and from this week's New Scientist, the bale of peat from the Gardening Centre: "The peat in this pack has been compressed to 2 and 1/2 times its normal volume".
Rod
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We girls have to stick together!
[harrumphing-at-an-unnamed-Britboy emoticon]
Attaboy, sister - you go girrl!
I see the Britboy is ignoring his harrumph...
[raised-eyebrow warning e] at the Zildene-ess.
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stranger
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I once purchased what was billed as an indoor/outdoor extension cord. Reading the attached tag, I learned that this indoor/outdoor extension cord was "for indoor use only."
I believe I once saw a bottle of something or other (soda? fruit juice? beer?) that had these instructions emblazoned thereon: "Remove cap. Drink."
John
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I received a piece of junk mail once that had printed on the envelope; "This is the envelope. Please see letter enclosed."
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but I believe it to be true that Wang wished to call it's customer support package "Wang Care" which caused UK smiles.
Yes, heard that. I suppose that's why they've renamed themselves Gen-I!
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Yes, heard that. I suppose that's why they've renamed themselves Gen-I!Well, gen-it-all, anyway. 
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Carpal Tunnel
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Well, gen-it-all, anyway.Okay. That's it! As of now, applications to be the Board's gutter police are open. The incumbents have become the crims. 
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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As of now, applications to be the Board's gutter police are open.
I wish to apply for the job, sir. My major qualification is that I think that the term, "Microsoft" refers to Bill G's sex life, that "hard drive" has to do with male endurance, and "RAM" has to do with his exercising said endurance.
Back to the actual subject at hand (Disregard above paragraph here) I once read a label on a garment that said something like, "This garment is dyed with a dye that may cause bleeding."
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I once read a label on a garment that said something like, "This garment is dyed with a dye that may cause bleeding."
That underappreciated gem of American culture, The Simpsons included a great throw-away spoof on these sort of instructions. In one episode, Marge thought that she might be pregnant, so bought a budget home pregnancy test. In the small print on the box were the words: "May cause birth defects."
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From the manual for my CD-RW:
A few trial on differnet configuration before recording is recommended. Also, try out different CD-R media before you proceed to make volumes duplication as you may figure out which brand of CD-R media orignates smoother recording and easier access. As long as you find the best CD recording way stick to it. Good luck and have a nice recording time.
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On a related note: A friend of mine bought a T-shirt when he was in France. The label said: Fabriqué en Dinde. In French une dinde is a turkey while la Turquie is the country. Close, so close...
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In French une dinde is a turkey while la Turquie is the country. Close, so close...Which brings me back to wondering what the Presidential Seal of the US would look like if Ben had had his way. A baster in one claw, a bunch of cranberries in the other?
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Which brings me back to wondering what the Presidential Seal of the US would look like if Ben had had his way. A baster in
one claw, a bunch of cranberries in the other?Oh, well, pacifism has never sold well. As proof, I note that here in the USA, one often hears Republicans (the usually more hawkish party) threatening, "I'm gonna kick your ass...," yet one never hears a Democrat tree-hugger/ granola cruncher, no matter how large, no matter how well-versed in martial arts, threaten a redneck with, "I'm gonna kick your elephant!"
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The incumbents have become the crims..We have to think of a female version for "quod licet Iovi non licet bovi" ..
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We have to think of a female version for "quod licet Iovi non licet bovi"..I tried, but I wasn't allowed to come within a bull's roar of it!
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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I see the Britboy is ignoring his harrumph...
[raised-eyebrow warning e] at the Zildene-ess.
Oh! I'm sorry, Jackie. Was that peculiar noise** you? I thought you were far too ladylike to do things like that!
And I am (slowly) planning a holiday in the Antipodes (well they are to us!) Is 40 days and 40 nights about right for the Zildeness?
And talking of peculiar noises and ladies (well I was anyway) - A society hostess was suffering (as were her guests secondhand) a violent attack of flatulence at a dinner party. Every time she made a noise she stared disapprovingly at the butler, attempting to deceive her guests into think it was he who was the offender. Eventually she let out a conversation stopper, and turning round to the butler, said "Stop that at once, Jeeves!". To which the butler replied "Certainly, Madam. Which way did it go?".
Rod
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"quod licet Iovi non licet bovi"A-hem (is that more ladylike, Rod? )--I don't speak no Latin, but I have a feelin' I've just been called a cow... Y'awl come, she bawled. (Hi Geoff.)
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While I don't remember any specific instances, reading Japanese motorbike maintenance manuals in the early 70s was actually more entertaining than informative for ALL of the reasons given above. I rather regret the passing of Japanese translators!
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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planning a holiday in the Antipodes (well they are to us!) Aksherly™©®, Juanmaria and Marianna are much closer to being "opposite our feet" - you Poms couldn't even get that right - I guess was it was the shock of havin' the locals here open a big ole can o' whup-ass on ya!
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That underappreciated gem of American culture, The Simpsons......besides most over 50yr olds everyone I know and/or have ever talked to about the Simpsons think that they are "on the nose" or "all that" or "their favorite" or "cowabunga dude" . I had a neighborhood child come to me and ask if I could help him put a horn on his bike (like we need more sound in our hood). I agreed, and opened up the package to see what kind of tools I would require, and lo and behold, a nicely drafted picture of the fully assembled horn attached to the handlebars just off the neck - top view only - no view of the lower brackets - and the following words printed on the bottom: How to fix the horn.
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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This weekend, I discovered a treasure-trove of Japanese English: http://www.engrish.com/The flowers are blooming pretty
The garden has homey feel about it
Shall we refresh with open air?
Hug & Kiss Taste
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Oh.... my gosh.... the clothing section ( http://www.engrish.com/apparel.html) is over the top... some funny stuff there, sparteye; thanks for the link!!
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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On an exhibit label in a Tanzanian museum:
The Soda Bottle (ancient)
The soda bottle which in use up to 1959. This bottle contain a marble and rubbering which jointly (wished) as a stopper for the gas.
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enthusiast
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I do not have the instructions in front of me but I cannot forget it...
This is for cooking instant noodles.
Boil water and insert noodles..
chronist
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Got a story about a friend of a friend... when in Prague, he visited a zoo. Around the cages, there were warning signs admonishing visitors "These animals do not smoothen"
Someone clearly had trouble translating the concept "Do not pet the animals".
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enthusiast
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From the paper sleeve holding a pair of chopsticks: Welcome to Chinese Restaurant.
Please try your Nice Chinese Food With Chopsticks
the traditional and typical of Chinese glonous history
and cultual.I especially liked the "glonous" typo.
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One of the salesmen at our company managed this one the other day. He was in an all-fired hurry to get his latest (long-winded, self-aggrandizing, and tiresome) sales mailing piece printed, and in the process slapped another N on the end of his darn, instantly transmogrifying it to the potentially problematic damn. I was asked my opinion on how best to remedy this...I suggested correction fluid, though I was no more specific than that, as my recommendations may have been taken in the spirit they were made.
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From the instructions for Tiger Balm picked up in Singapore.
(and confirming my reputation for getting to the bottom of things)
"Indications: Effective in relieving headaches, stuffy nose, insect bites, itchiness, muscular ache and pains, sprains and flatulence.
Directions: Apply Tiger Balm gently on the affected areas."
Rod
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Carpal Tunnel
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I think I may have already posted this in another thread (self-YARTing!). But both I and a friend of mine have dealt with Chinese/Japanese booking clerks on airlines who have handed us our tickets, smiled nicely, and adjured us to have "a nice fright".
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Carpal Tunnel
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flatulence.
Directions: Apply Tiger Balm gently on the affected areas."
Question: Is the affected area that which causes the flatulence, or that which detects it? I find that Tiger balm burns too much even for my nose, so applying it elsewhere would be anal-ogous to torture.
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