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#205079 - 03/09/12 05:19 AM Re: Two things [Re: jenny jenny]
Candy Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 09/21/10
Posts: 1705
Loc: down under
Originally Posted By: jenny jenny


My brother is a Republican.....


Good one jenny jenny and nice to see you back. I hope this is not just a cameo appearance.

And Peter...your little rhyme has a taste of The Little Shop of Horrors LOL

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#205085 - 03/09/12 07:17 AM See, J^2? There's at least two! [Re: Tromboniator]
wofahulicodoc Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 08/06/01
Posts: 4774
Loc: Worcester, MA
Originally Posted By: Tromboniator
My brother built a grocery store
To annihilate our mother.
The building was a carnivore,
'T'would eat what it could smother.
He rigged the soap aisle to collapse,
But Mom shopped in another.
A quirk of fate it was, perhaps:
An aisle ate my brother.

edit: Nice work, Jenny.


Also nice work, Peter - I was trying to do something along those lines also but couldn't bring it together.

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#205088 - 03/09/12 09:28 AM Re: See, J^2? There's at least two! [Re: wofahulicodoc]
LukeJavan8 Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 6313
Loc: Land of the Flat Water
Ditto to Wofa, nice work.
_________________________
----please, draw me a sheep----

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#205090 - 03/09/12 10:54 AM Re: Two things [Re: Tromboniator]
TheFallibleFiend Offline
veteran

Registered: 01/23/02
Posts: 1523
Loc: Virginia, USA
Originally Posted By: Tromboniator
My brother built a grocery store
To annihilate our mother.
The building was a carnivore,
'T'would eat what it could smother.
He rigged the soap aisle to collapse,
But Mom shopped in another.
A quirk of fate it was, perhaps:
An aisle ate my brother.


This is *really* nice, but the meter in the last line seems off to me. You should send it to Reader's Digest or maybe even New Yorker.

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#205094 - 03/09/12 04:38 PM Re: Two things [Re: TheFallibleFiend]
wofahulicodoc Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 08/06/01
Posts: 4774
Loc: Worcester, MA
Originally Posted By: TheFallibleFiend
Originally Posted By: Tromboniator

An aisle ate my brother.

...the meter in the last line seems off to me.

It's a regional variation, I suspect. Do you pronounce "aisle" as one syllable (I'LL) or two (EYE-ull) ?

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#205096 - 03/09/12 05:19 PM Re: Two things [Re: wofahulicodoc]
Tromboniator Offline
old hand

Registered: 05/10/10
Posts: 810
Loc: Alaska
For the purposes of the rhythm and the gag it's almost forced to be two syllables (or one syllable two beats long). To my ear the forced nature of it adds to the humor, but maybe that's just me.

I think of the word as one syllable, but it sounds like 1.5 when I say it.

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#205098 - 03/09/12 05:34 PM Civil request [Re: jenny jenny]
Tromboniator Offline
old hand

Registered: 05/10/10
Posts: 810
Loc: Alaska
As the Bluecoat fell into the tank,
Tossed a rope to us, tied 'round his flank.
We saw his eyes flash
As he hit with a splash,
Crying, "I ain't a Rebel: just Yank!

POSTMORTEM–POTENT

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#205106 - 03/10/12 08:51 AM Re: Civil request [Re: Tromboniator]
Rhubarb Commando Offline
old hand

Registered: 11/13/11
Posts: 1074
Loc: Lancaster, UK
Now, that's really clever, Peter!
_________________________
I'm immortal until proven otherwise

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#205107 - 03/10/12 09:05 AM A CAUTIONARY TALE! [Re: Rhubarb Commando]
Rhubarb Commando Offline
old hand

Registered: 11/13/11
Posts: 1074
Loc: Lancaster, UK


Wild fungi: Lord Algernon sought ‘em;
They led to his early post-mortem
From a fungus most potent, ate
By the great potentate.

Mushrooms are best if you’ve bought ‘em!
_________________________
I'm immortal until proven otherwise

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#205108 - 03/10/12 09:52 AM Re: A CAUTIONARY TALE! [Re: Rhubarb Commando]
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
The wild funghi will agree with you. grin

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