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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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For having such a bountiful vocabulary, English is a sorry source of evocative curses. A person in need of invective is usually limited to blasphemy or scatalogical references. I have on occasion heard a translation of a really good curse -- Asia seems to be a treasure house -- but I need a list to memorize so I can let one rip when really needed!
Has anyone heard a good curse, either crafted in English or as translated to English? Things along the line of "may the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" would be most appreciated.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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English is a sorry source of evocative curses
I don't see it that way. For instance,(bowdlerized) " I hope you die with membrum virile tumescent!" Which I believe referred to hanged (by strangulation) man dying presumably unable to derive pleasure from grotesque autonomic event.
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enthusiast
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enthusiast
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One of my favourite curses is the uniquely Australian one mentioned on another thread some months ago:
"May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down".
I gather it needs some interpretation for non-Aussies, perhaps something like "May your chickens turn into large flightless birds and destroy your outdoor toilet/WC/bathroom".
Er, I think it lost something in the translation.
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Carpal Tunnel
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here's an interesting one I collected -- I haven't quite fathomed all of its implications:
'Cursed by the father of the bride of the blacksmith who forged the
iron for the axe with which the woodsman hacked down the oak from which
the bed was carved in which was conceived the great-grandfather of the man
who was driving the carriage in which your mother met your father!'
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Carpal Tunnel
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Oooh, tsuwm, please tell me that's "Cursed be..." and not "Cursed by..."
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old hand
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old hand
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'Cursed by the father of the bride of the blacksmith who forged the
iron for the axe with which the woodsman hacked down the oak from which
the bed was carved in which was conceived the great-grandfather of the man
who was driving the carriage in which your mother met your father!'
. . .who lived in the house that Jack built.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Given my almost pathological aversion to change and craving for peace, I've long been fond of "may you live in interesting times." A refined, gentlemanly curse, it has always seemed to me.
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Carpal Tunnel
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"may you live in interesting times." A refined, gentlemanly curse, it has always seemed to me.
Be careful ! Curses are said to come back three-fold upon the curser.
Blessings on you all.
wow
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Pooh-Bah
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In which case, how about "Cursed be the mouse that controls your cursor!"
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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In which case, how about "Cursed be the mouse that controls your cursor!"
Since all of mine seem to come out of their packages already cursed, it seems a bit late and a bit hollow to me!
How about (although it's getting dangerously close to scatology), "Your mother slept with strangers!" The riposte to which is "Strangers wouldn't sleep with your mother!"
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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"Cursed be the mouse that controls your cursor!"
Since all of mine seem to come out of their packages already cursed
This seems to be evidence in favour of wow's analysis, then! 
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journeyman
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journeyman
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Well---I am figuring out this AWAD more and more each day. I think I must be "a true blockhead" like Charlie Brown in Charles Schultz's cartoon. or maybe I am just "dumber than a hoehandle" and many times I haven't the "foggiest notion" But my perseverance prevails----how about this one "just send him on a slow boat to China" or "down the river without a paddle" or "He has the wisdom of youth and the energy of old age" , "Works well under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap"
enthusiast
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journeyman
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journeyman
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Perhaps this is better "Keep your mouth shut---it draws flies"
enthusiast
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Carpal Tunnel
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Lest we forget the infamous "Letter of Recommendation"
"We will never replace him."
wow
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>please tell me that's "Cursed be..." and not "Cursed by..."
"be" that as it may, and since this thread has degenerated into general insults (as opposed to rattling good curses):
"If brains were gasoline some people wouldn't have enough to drive a moped once around a cheerio." -unknown
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Carpal Tunnel
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Dear CK: How do you define scatology? To me it means having to do with excreta, not illicit love. wwh
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addict
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addict
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"If brains were gasoline some people wouldn't have enough to drive a moped once around a cheerio." -unknown
This reminded me of a favorite quote from Jim Hightower (Texas populist politician and radio "personality"), referring to the illustrious leader of our benighted land:
"If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drilling rights on George Bush's head."
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Anonymous
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Anonymous
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"If brains were gasoline some people wouldn't have enough to drive a moped once around a cheerio." -unknownthis reminds me of one of my favorite descriptions of less-than-xyresic minds: "(S)he's a few fries short of a Happy Meal" And of course, we cannot forget piece de resistance of put-downs: "I refuse to enter a battle of wits with someone who is so obviously unarmed"  bridget=) Ipsa scientia potestas est ~Bacon
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Carpal Tunnel
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"This isn't a fair fight...and short of arming you with a brain, I can't see any way to even the odds."
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Carpal Tunnel
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Reminds me of the guy who found the bottle with the proverbial djinn in it. The djinn offered the fellow a wish, but cautioned him that whatever he wished for his worst enemy would get twice over. Our hero thought for a moment and said, "I've always wanted to be a kidney donor."
TEd
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Carpal Tunnel
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One I have actually used in letters of recommendation: "You will be very fortunate if you can get this person to work for you." I of course then go on to explain what I mean, but it does get the attention of the reader, which focuses the reader's attention on the person for whom I have given a recommendation. Four out of five times it results in favorable attention.
TEd
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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"May you live in interesting times," is, I think, Chinese.
As is, "may your life be filled with lawyers." Which mine is.
[tying this into another thread] Et tu, Father Steve?
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old hand
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old hand
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So this woman finds a bottle on some beach, rubs it, and out pops a genie. "I'll grant you three wishes, anything you want, but your husband will get 10 times what you wish for in addition." First she asks for a million dollars. It's hers, and her husband is instantly bestowed with ten million dollars. Next she asks for a gorgeous young mate. He pops into being next to her, and her husband gets a woman 10 times as beautiful as the hunk standing by his wife. Her final request? "I'd like a mild heart attack."
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old hand
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In reply to:
"If brains were gasoline some people wouldn't have enough to drive a moped once around a cheerio." -unknown
A dearly-loved alternative to the "making a mountain out of a molehill" sentiment is "pole-vaulting over a mouse turd". This moped/Cheerio business now ranks in my top 10 mental images, in the distinguished company of said turd-vaulting.
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enthusiast
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enthusiast
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wwh asks: Dear CK: How do you define scatology? To me it means having to do with excreta, not illicit love. wwh
Merriam-Webster gives the following two meanings:
1 : interest in or treatment of obscene matters especially in literature
2 : the biologically oriented study of excrement (as for taxonomic purposes or for the determination of diet)
So, whilst the word comes from the Greek skat- for excrement, I think its more common usage in English relates to meaning (1), i.e. as a synonym for obscene, coarse, vulgar, indecent, improper, etc.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Catching up on these posts brought to mind an old poem that is an amazing exposition of Irish curses. The poem is the cursing of the man who stole a goose and the title -- which eludes me -- is something like Nell Flarity's Goose.(Flahretty's) (Drake?) Anyone know the real name of where I might find it? I spent the better part of an afternoon awhile ago trying to track it down on the web but my skills fell short.
Any help received gratefully.
wow
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Ya jus gots ta spel ut raight.
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Carpal Tunnel
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English is a sorry source of evocative curses The syntax, texture, and sheer mouth-stretching flow of Elizabethan English can be a rich source of inspiration. Try a few random combinations, and it will guarantee to get your creative vitriol flowing when next needed, thou beslubbering flap-mouthed bladder, son of a puking idle-headed maggot pie..! http://www.ifsja.org/humor/172.shtml
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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Thanks, mav. You reeky fen-sucked clotpole, you.
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Craven, common-kissing, canker-blossom!
Zounds!
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Carpal Tunnel
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thou infectious, full-gorged, horn-beast!
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Carpal Tunnel
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Oh thanks Mav-- i got the list as a hard copy dog's years ago-- (and still have it right next to me this minute!) but it didn't have a URL-- Penguin Classics handed it out at one of the NY is Book Country fairs.. I Love it!
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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thanks MavMore than welcome - glad to see such spirit, and to know I 've helped spread a little poison BTW, for new members: a while back there were some other Shakes URLs posted that might be useful sometime, if you want to do a search. There is a site, for example, which you can interrogate for any word in the Sonnets.
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journeyman
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journeyman
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In reply to:
If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drilling rights on George Bush's head
Which George?
"if stupidity hurt, they'd hear you yelling all the way to (insert name of closest large city)."
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