|
|
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 293
enthusiast
|
OP
enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 293 |
Inspired by This Thread, I would like to solicit, from all who dare, what you consider to be your favorite pun. It can be chosen because you revere it as the best or simply because it makes you laugh out loud. I have two stories in mind that I would be hard-pressed to choose (one over the other). What have you got?
"I am certain there is too much certainty in the world" -Michael Crichton
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
Isaac Asimov maintained that this is the ultimate:
An elderly gentleman had three boys who started a cattle farm. The old man dubbed the place Focus Farm because it's where the sun's rays meet.
My personal favorite, though, is about Michael Ritz, an obscure librettist who wrote an opera about a man who trained moose by talking to them, ala Horse Whisperer. It was very difficult to put on the opera, however, because the stage directions required that all of the singers be thin enough to come on stage by coming down a ten-inch diameter chimney. Eventually, though, it was presented with this billing:
Mike Ritz's Moose Talking is sung by the Chimney Width Choir.
The fact that I dreamed up this atrocity is somewhat germaine.
Another I liked was my entry in last year's Bullwer-Lytton contest, and I was somewhat hurt that I did not get a dishonorable mention:
The reporter interviewed the Mexican from the Yucatan, who sat in a vast vat of Jello as he explained why Nicholas Cage continued singing, even though he received obscene gestures fromt he entire audience, wondering if his editor would allow him to use as the headline: Mayan in Jello says, "I know why the birded Cage sings."
And things are likely to go downhill from here before they go uphill. Just remember: You started this thread.
TEd
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 74
journeyman
|
|
journeyman
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 74 |
I can't resist a good invitation. So here goes (groan in advance)
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you but don't start anything."
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
A dyslexic alcoholic walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
And, finally, there was the person who sent fifteen different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 293
enthusiast
|
|
OP
enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 293 |
Thanks for the responses.
Here is my favorite (which I told just last night at a Toastmasters meeting):
Reputed to be The world's first pun, this event occurred back in the Middle Ages; during the time of Kings and Castles.
It seems there was a King, who had in his court a Jester who would pun on every subject (except, of course, the King because he was not a subject).
This highly irritated the king and eventually he had the Jester sentenced to be hanged.
The day arrived when the Jester was standing at the Gallows; the rope around his neck.
Suddenly a Royal page rode up to interrupt the execution. The King had a change of heart (likely succumbed to nagging from the Queen) and offered a pardon. The Jester's life would be spared if he promised to NEVER PUN AGAIN.
Faced with this tough choice, the Jester looked at the rope around his neck then looked at the page and said, "Well, no noose is good noose" and died happily.
==============================================================
I will wait for the applause and laughter to diminish before saying, "Thank you"
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
Had a falling out with the king, huh?
TEd
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 456
addict
|
|
addict
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 456 |
Should have thought to post that other thing here. Anyway, this is considered [by one] to be the funniest gag ever: A prison bus collided with a cement mixer, and ten hardened criminals escaped.  [Author unknown]
ÅΓª╥┐↕§
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 293
enthusiast
|
|
OP
enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 293 |
That is good. And very similar to:
A clairvoyant midget escaped from prison and is a fugitive.
The police warn about the Small Medium at Large .
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,295
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,295 |
From a book.
"Imp," Lysa said coldly, "you will guard that mocking tongue of yours and speak to my son politely, or I promise you will have cause to regret. Remember where you are. This is the Eyrie, and these are the knights of the Vale you see around you, true men who loved John Arryn well. Every one of them would die for me."
"Lady Arryn, should any harm come to me, my brother Jaime will be pleased to see that they do.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210 |
I think this is my favorite: Mr. Denburg
formerly known as etaoin...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
Now THAT is funny, Roger!
TEd
|
|
|
|
Forums16
Topics13,913
Posts229,372
Members9,182
| |
Most Online3,341
Dec 9th, 2011
|
|
|
1 members (A C Bowden),
729
guests, and
1
robot. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
