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#155089 - 02/05/06 04:11 PM Howye fokes
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things? Moneywise, last week was a bitta a disaster fer us Teds, fer sure. Firsta all, after a all time high, the sales a our home-grown mushroom** soup went on a right downer. Then seconda all MadDogTed’s attimpt at a bank-job went pear-shaped after he discovered that he’d put his hoodie on back ta front.

Well, lookily fer us didn’t we see a add on the internet offeren us a course in how ta get rich fierce quick. The classes is run by the world renouned onterpineer, Mrs Trudy Loff and she sent us a reel nice personal email tellen us that a cute buncha tallented onterpineeren Teds like us could call her Tru. We was right chuffed, I’ll tell ya, and being a biteen shorta cash, we had ta go ta Mr Slasher fer a loan fer ta sign up ta Tru’s course, cos these thing don’t come cheep, ya know.

Mr Slasher looked a biteen dubious fer sure and told us that he’d hearda manys the poor crature what ended up ruffen it in the workhouse after signen up fer the very same course. One guy was advised ta purchase a pile a land fer ta make a football pitch outa. He borrowed up ta his eyeballs only ta discover that the land was riddled with moles and it were too bumpy fer anyone ta play on. Then there was the woman what was advised ta spealise in luxury desserts, and paid through the nose fer a secret recipe fer custard but, alas, it always came out lumpy no matter what she did. And then there was Mr Slasher’s very own cousin, Mildred, what spent a arm and a leg on anti-cellulite cream what only made the problem worse and was sued ta the oxters by her angry clientelle.

Which only goes ta prove ta ye fokes - the course a Tru Loff never did run smooth.

Be seein ya

GallantTed

(**The sale a magic mushrooms was banned last week in Ireland)


Edited by GallantTed (02/05/06 04:14 PM)

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#155090 - 02/06/06 12:38 PM Re: Howye fokes
AnnaStrophic Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 03/15/00
Posts: 6511
Loc: lower upstate New York
... and therein lies a shaggy bear tale.

What is it about TEDS and puns?

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#155091 - 02/06/06 01:34 PM Re: Howye fokes
TEd Remington Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 07/17/00
Posts: 3467
Loc: Marion NC
Good breeding.
_________________________
TEd

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#155092 - 02/07/06 06:47 PM Re: Howye fokes
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye Anna and TEd (no relation)

How is things with ye?

Apun me word TEd, but ya hit the nale on the hed there fer sure.

Be seein ya

GallantTed

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#155093 - 02/21/06 07:14 PM Re: Howye fokes
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things? Gess who popped in ta Slasher’s jint the other day only the mighty Warrior Cuchulain himself. We was fierce excited fer sure, and after given MadDogTed his autograph, he preceeded ta tell us the shocken news what he’d just herd with his very own ears from the Salmon a Knowledge, who got it from the dogs on the streets via the grapevine in the horse’s mouth that from hear on in, until further notice, if a little birdie told anybody anythin they weren’t ta believe a worda it. He told us that all the birds was taken the flu accusations ta hart fer sure, and led by a buncha fierce wild geese alltagather they’d formed their own airborn underground movement and started up their own proper gander machine.

He warned us ta be on the lookout fer the Children a Lir what were carriers fer sure and what were goen round ta all the pubs in human-form spreaden their lies and germs. Then he sed that the only way ta beat the bird flu was ta always wash yer hands and that pilots should always stop ta offer migraten birds a lift if it’s rainen. He sed that the spread a the flu would be stopped in its tracks if people used their hankies and if all birds was allowed ta carry arms and had access ta their own private helicopters and off-shore bank accounts.

Anyways, just then the Live Hurlen came on the telly, but our hero had ta leave in a hurry cos he’d more places ta visit with the news. As we sat there watchen the live action it suddenly dawned on us that Cuchulain was playen a blinder as full forward. We then had a look at the autograph what he’d gave ta MadDogTed and noticed that it was actually signed Coochulain….

Holy crow! Thank heavens us Teds is immune.


Be seein ya

GallantTed

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#155094 - 02/22/06 07:07 AM started up their own proper gander machine.
TEd Remington Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 07/17/00
Posts: 3467
Loc: Marion NC
So what's your sauce for this?

By the way -- GREAT pun.

the other
_________________________
TEd

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#155095 - 04/03/06 05:19 PM Howye fokes
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things? I’ve no dout that the more cultured a ye what do be readen me collum will be fimilar with the Annual Nag Gag Simposium what’s open ta everyone so long as yer a ass or a jinnit or something along them breeds. The contestints spend the weekend tellen joaks, funny stories and the like and then on the last night the best contestints is picked ta go inta the grand final where the overall winner with the most amusen and original story is picked. Anyways, fer the very furst time this year’s simposium was held beyont in Slasher’s Bar (and Grill).

Now, the animal called The Champ, what was tipped ta win the final, was a proper show off alltagather and had all us annoyed goen on about how hillarious he was and how he’d won the title fer 5 years runnen and how his victory was in the nose-bag fer sure. I’ll tell ya, he just loved ta hear himself brayen and could talk the hind-legsa a donkey fer sure.

Which in fact is just what the ejjit did. And before hoofen it outa town from the sheer boredom a the constant whinnyen, the sed hind-legs told everyone the very joak what The Champ had up his sleeve fer the grand final - so by the time he told it up on the stage it was no longer original and was rendered null and vide. Which put a bita a dampner on the night cos everyone had been saven their belly laffs fer the final and now there was no grate joak ta gaffaw or heehaw at. But then, next thing ya know, didn’t MadDogTed shout up “It just goes ta show ye fokes - a mule and his funny is soon parted!”

Well, the place errupted fer sure and that’s how, fer the furst time ever, a humble little teddy bear – with no horsey connection whatsoever - won the the Annual Nag Gag Simposium.

Be seein ya

GallantTed

PS anyone want ta buy a year's supplya oat n apple flavoured straw? Unwanted prize. Goen cheep. Apply within.

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#155096 - 04/03/06 05:36 PM Re: Howye fokes
Buffalo Shrdlu Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/24/02
Posts: 7210
Loc: Vermont
gratz, GT.
_________________________
formerly known as etaoin...

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#155097 - 04/24/06 04:29 PM Re: Howye fokes
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things? Wouldn’t that Samuel Briquette fella burn a hole in the bleek black bowels a yer brain fer sure? He wrote some grate stuff alltagather and was a infinity ahed a his time. I mean, he had wrote that mind blowen play, “Waiten 4 Go.com” yonks before the internet was even invented.

A course, us Teds have no problem getten him. Like the time we was all doen the course on the arta stage production and we told him ta go off fer ta find a glass hammer. He was gone fer a eternity but he had a grate laff alltagather when we eventually let him in on the joak. He just loved the aimlessness and futility a it all ta boot, and scribbled a few things down in his little bleek book.

He’s got a grate heda hair on him alltagather and Albear Camoo goes up ta him and sez “Have ya updock in yer hair?” “What’s updock?” sez Briquette. “A, a, a, a, what’s up doc?” sez Albear, doen his best Bugs Bunny vice. Well, he nearly died a the laffen, I’ll tell ya, and sed not ta be so absurd cos his hair was actually devoid a human conditioner. Well, we hadn’t mucha a clue what he was on about, but then he added that with all our little pranks us Teds were the only ones what totally got him every time, so then the hole thing began ta make some sense.

In fact, he was so delighted with us that he called fer a celebration and told MadDogTed - what by now was haff high at the profoundness a it all - that the drinks was on the house, and next thing ya know wasn’t me little pal up on the roof waiten ta be served. A course, he soon copped that Briquette was just haven him on and came down delighted with himself cos that grate man, Samual Briquette, had just got him – and Lord knows, he’s about the only man what ever did.

Be seein ya


GallantTed

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#155098 - 04/25/06 12:07 PM Re: Howye fokes
musick Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/24/00
Posts: 2658
Loc: Chicago
Well done, I must say.

"Well done, GT!"

There. I said it.

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#155099 - 04/25/06 06:32 PM hay
mabbogtebby Offline
stranger

Registered: 12/24/02
Posts: 20
Loc: Slasher's Bar (and Grill)
bear musik
wot adout me
i taut him all wot he gnows
& all wot galanteb gnows 2 doot

b f n c n u l8r g8r

mabbogtebby X

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#155100 - 04/25/06 06:55 PM Re: hay
maverick Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 09/15/00
Posts: 4757
In case you can't hear me laughing all the way across the Irish sea, let me tell you how much I love these forays into the sublime parallel universe of Slasher's Bar (& Grill) - thanks to all its denizens! :]

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#155101 - 04/25/06 07:11 PM Re: hay
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes

Glad yer enjoyen what does be goen on hear - it's tuff been a Ted fer sure, but we manage.

Be seein ya

GallantTed

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#155102 - 05/07/06 03:51 AM Re: hay
Capital Kiwi Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 11/13/00
Posts: 3146
Loc: Northamptonshire, England
Good ter see ya still around, GT. Yer bloody well-hidden, mind, cause I was in Dublin fer the Banken Holiday last week, and not a ide nor air of you did I see. And I looked in every bar. Coulden find Slasher's Bar (and Grill) though. Bit out of the town, is it?
_________________________
The idiot also known as Capfka ...

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#155103 - 05/08/06 03:51 PM Re: hay
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howya Kiwie

DUBLIN is it?? Sure that's not reel Ireland a tall. Ya should try comen Weshta the Shannon fer ta find us.

Be seein ya

GallantTed

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#155104 - 10/10/06 06:17 PM Howye fokes
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things?

Browsen through me Tedasaurus the other day, I came across a little piece about me Fourbear, Pra da Panda, what was once the Nation’s top designer and what invented the stone-washed jean back in the last few weeksa the Stone Age.

The peasant fokes was delighted alltagather with their new trews, until the flaxen-haired daughtera the local Locks Clan [no furst name recorded] started sayen that everyone was looken fierce scruffy alltagather in the new gear. [At this pint we can only speculate that this spite was outta pure jealously cos her prehistoric arse was too big ta fit in ta them]. Well, me Fourbears was taken nonea these insults fer sure, and after discoveren the resta the world fer ta subsequently invent the WWW, they looked up the Iron Age on the net, got it delivered, and then left it ta Ted the Inventer ta invent the very furst steam iron.

Ted the Onterpineer took things over from here and was in the middlea plannen the very furst laundrette when his plannen permission was blocked by a mysterious objecter, on the grounds that it might hamper the allready scanty bleach and peroxide supplies. And next thing ya know hadn’t the local Locks Clan opened up the furst wash-house in the area. Well, in the heela the reel, the Ted population wasn’t too disappinted with their loss cos it soon transpired that this was firece sweaty work alltagather and they had loads a time ta develop the arta gamblen, boozen and general carrousen while the flaxen-haired daughtera the local Locks clan had ta spend all her days slaven away over a hot iron.

Then one day while she was nosen through the jeans pocketsa one a the Marks Brothers [whether Ted or Carl is not recorded] didn’t she come across the haff finished tedifesto on slave labour and decided ta there and then down tools and refuse ta work any more until somea the Teds agreed ta help her. Unlookily fer her, didn’t she ferget ta turn off the iron and the jint burnt down ta a cinder, leaven the Locks Clan destitute fer yonks ta come.

Which just goes ta show ye fokes, ya should never strike while the iron is hot.

Be seein ya

GT

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#155105 - 10/10/06 08:55 PM Re: Howye fokes
Faldage Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
Always good to see you, Ted.

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#155106 - 10/11/06 07:38 AM Re: Howye fokes
TEd Remington Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 07/17/00
Posts: 3467
Loc: Marion NC
I think it was Carl Marks, GT, not Ted. After all, he had nothing to lose but his jeans.

Glad to see you back in such fine form. Keep up the shabby bear, er shaggy bear, stories.

I've been hoping you would come to this side of the pond for a visit, but I notice there's no zipper in those jeans; that means you won't be able to get on a plane without a lot of trouble. Being on the No-Fly List and all.
_________________________
TEd

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#155107 - 11/08/06 04:29 PM Re: Howye fokes
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Jist plaign graijte !

To Ted The Gallant,

One of our trips to Ireland got us into an Irish hospital for six weeks with broken bones because a van from a Bacon Company
overtook a flock of sheep in a sharp curve of one of them scenic country roads. The front window gone, our back seat passenger's spectacles ended up way over the offensive van and the Company's slices of bacon ended up way over all around the place. The sheep didn't care for bacon and pursued their pastoral trail.
The hospital was great! I was a only a little scared to death by a teeny weeny gostlike little waif that whispered :'Holy water? Holy water? into my feverish ear. I thought the end had come right then and there due to a shot of morphine on which I reacted negative. All docters and nurses
thought it a big waste of money, that shot.
The matron hopped in every day in my single room to ask how we were feeling today. The head surgeon governed the place like a King.
(Louis XVI) Complete with peacocks on the lawn and he did his rounds with a staff of assistants acting as courtiers.
Before dawn the hospital smelled of the home- bread baking and as it was Xmas there was turkey, turnips and iced heavy black Christmas cake.I was daily wheeled over to my husband's room who was lying in traction with a broken hip . It was the most hospitable hospital I ever knew. Bantry, best place in the world to brake a leg. I love Ireland,the music,the accent though I never got it right.
On many a trip I saw donkeys , not ever I saw you, Gallant Ted . I guess you must have been a toddler at the time and was off to the woods to the annual Teddy Bear's Picnic.

Love your column!



Edited by BranShea (11/09/06 06:49 AM)

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#155108 - 11/11/06 05:40 AM Re: Howye fokes
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Thanks for shedding some candlelight on MabbogTebby's X.

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#155109 - 11/14/06 08:43 PM Re: Howye fokes
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
And hope in time a next Gallant T episode will be issued.
(I know, creativity can't be forced)


Edited by BranShea (12/20/06 07:39 AM)

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#155110 - 11/15/06 01:59 PM Re: Howye fokes
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howya Branshea

Here's a freshly squeezed one fer ya what I made earlier.

Howye fokes! How is things?

Mr Slasher is big huge inta customer service alltagather and is always concerned about the health and wellbeing a his punters – cos he knows only too well that the longer we all stay hale and harty, the longer we’ll slurp his ale and party.

Well, the other week he was a bitteen concerned that we wasn’t getten our five-a-day supply a frute and vegatibles and so decided ta introduce alciholic frute shots in ta the bar menu. He organised a big huge launch fer the campain alltagather, and even invited such dignitaries as the Mandirin a Manulla and the Sultana a Swinford fer ta open the festivities. I don’t know meself if there’s any truth in the rumour that the pear a them is daten, but they sure looked peachy tagather. A course, that gallopen trollop, Goldilocks, was ded jealous fer sure and tried ta peel them apart, but only ended up looken like a right gooseberry.

Anyways, the night a the openen was brillant alltagather and there was free shots fer everyone – freshly made outta all kinds a exotic frutes from all over the world. Us Teds was there in our numbers fer sure, maken sure that we got our bite outta the cherry and the atmosphere was only magic – like there was a electric currant flowen through it or somethin. At one pint me little pal, Albear Camoo, was even eyen up Loxy’s melons, who by now was sucken on a sour grape and blowen raspberries at the sultana and the mardirin and generally maken a right lemon outta herself alltagather. I’ll tell ya we was haven the time a our lives fer sure, guzzlen shot after exotic shot.

And then, towards the enda the night, things got fierce juicy alltagather when the door bursted open and this fierce angry-looken little bush limped up ta the bar waven a gun and sed, “I’ve come fer the man what shot me papaw!”

Be seein ya

GallantTed

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#155111 - 11/15/06 03:50 PM Re: Howye fokes
TEd Remington Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 07/17/00
Posts: 3467
Loc: Marion NC
And orange we glad to see you again, GT? I'd apple-y listen to all the stories you had to tell, even if some of them'd turn a pohmy ta granite. As I was saying to my cycling buddy Greg Lemon-d the other day, "Avocado tell you, Greg, I cran-beary contain myself, and it ain't like GT's a Kiwi or anything like that. Sometimes I wonder if he dates his palm, but he certainly is a coocoo nut."

I'm sure olive us have felt that way at one time or another. We tip arhat to you!
_________________________
TEd

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#155112 - 11/16/06 01:36 AM Re: Howye fokes
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
The home folk I share this fun with and me thank you!
Healthy and refined piece of work!

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#155113 - 12/19/06 03:33 PM Re: Howye fokes
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things?

Lissen, I can’t stop ta talk ta ye cos it’s my turn ta go and pose as the cute likkle Teddy Bear on yer Christmas wrappen paper – it’s a fierce degraden job fer sure, but us humble Teds have ta make a few bob somehow. Anyways, not ta worry cos I left me pals Albear Camoo and MadDogTed in charge and they’ve organised a IQ puzzle fer ya ta do.

If ya get over 18 or morea a Albear’s questions right, then yer a bony fido genus – no codden, and should get straight onta MENSA. And if ya get any a MadDogTeddy’s right, yer a bony fido total genus alltagather and should contact us hear at TEDSA. Ya can PM me fer the answers - just don’t ferget ta put yer query on the back offa €50 note – cos us humble Teds have ta make a liven somehow.

I’m not given any hints or nothin, just remember that our location and culture is different ta most on this board, so some a the questions may not be too obvious, but they’re all genwine and gettible fer sure. And fer MadDogTed’s effert, just remember his main pastimes – gamblen, boozen, general carrousen, smoken, Gaelic football, given out about Goldilocks, cursen and all that sorta stuff.

A fierce Happy Christmas ta ye now! GT



Greetings comrades! Albear Camoo here! Hope you enjoy this little quiz which I’ve compiled for you. All you have to do is work out what the letters mean. For example 24 H in a D is 24 hours in a day. I know some of you may have seen it all before, but some of my questions have a local flavour. Good luck!

1. 32 C in I
2. 12 T of G
3. 3 W M
4. 5 D of the R
5. 5 C in C
6. 14 L in a S
7. 12 D of C
8. 4 F in an O P (1d)
9. G a the 3 B (the G T)
10. 31 D in D
11. 50 W to L Y L
12. Y S Y S 3 B F
13. 7 B for 7 B
14. 16 O in a P
15. 4 is the N N A 3
16. 149 is the M B in S
17. 2 H are B T 1
18. 007 L T K
19. 2 T D A a P in a P T
20. 7 D N - if so…
21. …J S 1 O F and 3 H M
22. 3 C on the I F (G W G)
23. 2 L G 4 L B (G O A F)
24. 2 L G 1 L B for S P McC

bear foaks
hears me f n f ert 4 da quiz
hop dat f santy rememders me dis year
he f n detter cos im a very gub likkle tebby dear
maken up f n quizes & evrytin 4 da likesa urselfs
4get me not santy r else
jus rememder foaks da morea dese wot u get rite da f n ticker u r

1. 1 4 da m 2 4 da s
2. 3 4 2 g r n g c g
3. 6 is 9 u
4. b is d d
5. r shud dat b d is b b
6. 2 b r n 2 b d is da f n 64 m $ q
7. 3 a a k b 2 p n p
8. 7 € & 5 c 4 20 f is a f n b
9. m 3 5 k 4 15 is a o f n b
10. 36 dd is g iq da f n g t
11. 1 5 17 23 32 11 is n w l n @ least i f n h s
r u lissenen santy

b f n s n u l8r g8r

mabbogtebby X

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#155114 - 12/19/06 04:16 PM Re: Howye fokes
tsuwm Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 04/03/00
Posts: 10522
Loc: this too shall pass
GT, if we answer these collectively do we all get to join TEDSA collectively?

7. 12 Days of Christmas

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#155115 - 12/19/06 04:45 PM Re: Howye fokes
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Jesus Christ! I love to see letters, but I panic when I see figures. O.K. Courage!I just make a cold guess:
Could 4. be 5 days of the year?
Is there a closing day to these Quizzies , G.T.?

I'll need some time after learning all this difficult English to do some studies on hard figures.

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#155116 - 12/19/06 04:52 PM Re: Howye fokes
wofahulicodoc Online   content
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 08/06/01
Posts: 4901
Loc: Worcester, MA
10 31 days in December
11. 50 ways to leave your lover

13. 7 brides for seven brothers
14. 16 ounces in a pound
17. 2 heads are better than one
18. 007 - licensed to kill

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#155117 - 12/19/06 04:54 PM Re: Howye fokes
wofahulicodoc Online   content
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 08/06/01
Posts: 4901
Loc: Worcester, MA
1' is one for the money, two for the show...

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#155118 - 12/19/06 05:12 PM Re: Howye fokes
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Quote:


17. 2 heads are better than one





Nay, I think it is: Two hands are better than one. What would you do with two heads? You'd be a ready for a freak show.
+ what would you do with your dubble IQ - 180 ? 360 is that genius or madness?

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#155119 - 12/19/06 06:00 PM Re: Howye fokes
tsuwm Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 04/03/00
Posts: 10522
Loc: this too shall pass

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#155120 - 12/19/06 06:27 PM Re: Howye fokes
TEd Remington Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 07/17/00
Posts: 3467
Loc: Marion NC
3. Three wise men
6. 14 lines in a sonnet
12. yes sir yes sir 3 bags full
19. two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree
_________________________
TEd

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#155121 - 12/19/06 06:36 PM Re: Howye fokes
TEd Remington Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 07/17/00
Posts: 3467
Loc: Marion NC
1. 32 counties in Ireland
_________________________
TEd

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#155122 - 12/19/06 06:37 PM Re: Howye fokes
TEd Remington Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 07/17/00
Posts: 3467
Loc: Marion NC
9. Goldilocks and the 3 bears
_________________________
TEd

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#155123 - 12/19/06 07:56 PM "Charley Brown", isn't it?
wofahulicodoc Online   content
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 08/06/01
Posts: 4901
Loc: Worcester, MA
Quote:

1' is one for the money, two for the show...




followed of course by

"3 [fer] to get ready, now go, cat, go!"

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#155124 - 12/19/06 08:00 PM moving right along...
wofahulicodoc Online   content
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 08/06/01
Posts: 4901
Loc: Worcester, MA
3': six is nine uqsibebown

anb 4": "d" is "b" dackwarbs (at least in this forum)

I think that takes care of 5' too, dy extension...

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#155125 - 12/19/06 08:04 PM Re: moving right along...
wofahulicodoc Online   content
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 08/06/01
Posts: 4901
Loc: Worcester, MA
6' is a somewhat uncensoring Hamlet solilopuizing. But why? _That's_ the 64 million dollar puestion.

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#155126 - 12/20/06 07:50 AM Re: Howye fokes
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Quote:

two heads are better than one




Yes! Thanks. I really have to get used to the idea that half of what
comes up here is link business and I too often take someone's word for something fresh from the one head.
Anyway, I lit some little candles from the home cooked picture files to illuminate this joint enterprise

14 numbers are discovered. 13 from Albear Camoo and one from MadDogTed.
5 past 3 PM local here.


Edited by BranShea (12/20/06 08:09 AM)

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#155127 - 12/20/06 09:45 AM Re: Howye fokes
BranShea Offline
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Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
How frustrating I only get parts of these lines.
Like 4. and 5. from mabbogtabby.: 4. b is d d
Like 5. or should that be d is b b?
You English natives and experts would know. Or link some .
6. Two beer and two .....
11. ....at least I finish.... right,I give up and hope the nightshift will do better.

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#155128 - 12/20/06 11:58 AM Re: Howye fokes
pennyless Offline
journeyman

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 74
Loc: Sandy, Utah
#9: Goldilocks and the three bears (and I'm not sure about the bit in the ( ). Maybe Gifted and Talented Gallant Ted??


Edited by pennyless (12/20/06 12:21 PM)

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#155129 - 12/21/06 05:15 AM Re: Howye fokes
BranShea Offline
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OK. I keep beeing intrigued by this quiz.
Mabbogtebby's nr. 4. and 5.
I got some good help for this one and I don't know if it is completely right.
4. I would say: b is d turned backwards (but maybe MadDog was in his cups here?)Is it : b is drunken d?
5. : or should that be 'd' is 'b' backwards.

BTW I'm looking for the Gallant Ted wrap up paper everywhere , but all I can get is paper with the kidnapped and commercialized Pooh-Pooh.

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#155130 - 12/21/06 06:10 AM Re: Howye fokes
Faldage Offline
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Mabbog is allus reversing his b's and d's. Comes from not minding his q's and p's.

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#155131 - 12/21/06 08:08 AM Re: Howye fokes
BranShea Offline
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Faldage, I admire you for your clean, compact answers, but q's and p's
are like MDT 's b's and d's to me.

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#155132 - 12/21/06 08:12 AM Re: Howye fokes
Buffalo Shrdlu Offline
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I rarely understand a thing that the Bear says, so you're not alone, Bran.
_________________________
formerly known as etaoin...

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#155133 - 12/21/06 08:22 AM Ps and Qs
AnnaStrophic Offline
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Loc: lower upstate New York

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#155134 - 12/21/06 10:58 AM Re: Ps and Qs
pennyless Offline
journeyman

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 74
Loc: Sandy, Utah
Having worked with children with dyslexia, I have a different insight into the b/d p/q business. Perhaps the expression "mind your p's and q's" had something to do with typesetting, and being wary of easily comfused letters.

Oh qooq! A qox uqon it.

(b.s. this is from bennyless)

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#155135 - 12/21/06 11:27 AM Re: Ps and Qs
mabbogtebby Offline
stranger

Registered: 12/24/02
Posts: 20
Loc: Slasher's Bar (and Grill)
bear foaks

i wos jus moochen n 4 2 wish u a merry xmas
wen i finb u all f n talken adout me ahind me dack
ive a plate n me hed u gnow & spint ours & f n ours maken up
da quiz 4 u 2 b boen
santy will here about dis 4 sure
he gnows where u f n liv
& so bo i
so id watch ur dacks if i wos u
& 4yi g t stands 4 gallopen trollop as n golbilox

b f n c n u l8r g8r

mabbogtebby X


Edited by mabbogtebby (12/21/06 11:37 AM)

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#155136 - 12/21/06 11:58 AM Re: Ps and Qs
BranShea Offline
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Mabbogtebby! I do perfectly well understand what you say and you always greatly amuse me. Honest.
I just don't understand all these WIKIPEDIAPHILES here that don't want to say "mind your pints and quarters" , which is what I perfectly understand beeing of general good breeding myself.
I can't understand how a cute Christmas doggy that stole Santa's hood can give such a cold link for an answer in stead of 4
words.
And I appreciate all the trouble you took to make those quizzy lines
+ the effort to mix up the b's and the d's.
Here's to you and your Bear friends. A Free round!

(It's that all these Wikipedestrians have gotten so lazy they can't solve all of your riddles and don't want to say so.)


Edited by BranShea (12/21/06 12:08 PM)

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#155137 - 12/31/06 01:53 AM Answers
GallantTed Offline
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Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
1. 32 C in I - 32 COUNTIES IN IRELAND
2. 12 T of G - 12 TRIBES OF GALWAY
3. 3 W M - 3 WISE MEN
4. 5 D of the R - 5 DECADES OF THE ROSARY
5. 5 C in C - 5 COUNTIES IN CONNAUGHT
6. 14 L in a S - 14 LINES IN A SONNET
7. 12 D of C - 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
8. 4 F in an O P (1d) - 4 FARTHINGS IN AN OLD PENNY (1D)
9. G a the 3 B (the G T) - GOLDILOCKS AND THE 3 BEARS (THE GALLOPING TROLLOP)
10. 31 D in D - 31 DAYS IN DECEMBER
11. 50 W to L Y L - 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOYR LOVER
12. Y S Y S 3 B F - YES SIR YES SIR 3 BAGS FULL
13. 7 B for 7 B - 7 BRIDES FOR 7 BROTHERS
14. 16 O in a P - 16 OUNCES IN A POUND
15. 4 is the N N A 3 - 4 IS THE NEXT NUMBER AFTER 3
16. 149 is the M B in S - 149 IS THE MAX BREAK IN SNOOKER
17. 2 H are B T 1 - 2 HEADS ARE BETTER THAN 1
18. 007 L T K - 007 LICENCE TO KILL
19. 2 T D A a P in a P T 2 TURTLE DOVES AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE
20. 7 D N - if so… - 7 DRUNKEN NIGHTS IF SO...
21. …J S 1 O F and 3 H M - JUST SAY 1 OUR FATHER AND 3 HAIL MARY'S
22. 3 C on the I F (G W G) 3 COLOURS ON THE IRISH FLAG (GREEN WHITE GOLD)
23. 2 L G 4 L B (G O A F)- SORRY, TYPING ERROR - SHOULD BE 4 LEGS GOOD 2 LEGS BAD (GEORGE ORWELL ANIMAL FARM)
24. 2 L G 1 L B for S P McC - Er, censored as it may offend some!

All the best, Albear Camoo - Ah, sure I'll do MadDogTed's while I'm in here:

1. 1 4 da m 2 4 da s - 1 for the money, 2 for the show
2. 3 4 2 g r n g c g - 3 for to get ready, now go cat go
3. 6 is 9 u - 6 is 9 upside down
4. b is d d - b is d dackwards
5. r shud dat b d is b b - or sholud that be d is b backwards
6. 2 b r n 2 b d is da f n 64 m $ q - to be or not to de is the (f n) 64 million dollar question
7. 3 a a k b 2 p n p - 3 of a kind beats 2 pair in poker
8. 7 € & 5 c 4 20 f is a f n b - 7 euro and 5 cents for 20 fags is a (f n) bisgrace
9. m 3 5 k 4 15 is a o f n b - Mayo 3-5 Kerry 4-15 is an other (f n) bisgrace (All Ireland Football Final result)
10. 36 dd is g iq da f n g t - 36 dd is Goldilock's IQ the (f n) galloping trollop
11. 1 5 17 23 32 11 is n w l n @ least i f n h s r u lissenen santy - 1 5 17 23 32 11 next week's lotto numbers, at least I hope so, are you listening Santy? (Sorry to say, he wasn't!)

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#155138 - 12/31/06 05:03 AM Re: Answers
BranShea Offline
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Yeh, yeh: Gwenny Gwenny , four farthings in an old penny.
Plus a typing error to make this all the more easy, hm?
7 drunken nights if so....???
But of course the most interesting of all = NR. 24

I got one right in all! A MadDog's one , so , classified now among the bony fido total genusses of this earth.
I already knew that! Modesty is my middle name. X X X


Edited by BranShea (12/31/06 05:09 AM)

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#155139 - 12/31/06 11:06 AM Re: Answers
tsuwm Offline
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20. 7 D N - if so… - 7 DRUNKEN NIGHTS IF SO...
21. …J S 1 O F and 3 H M - JUST SAY 1 OUR FATHER AND 3 HAIL MARY'S

they're a pair, as noted by the ellipses (I guess).

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#155140 - 12/31/06 12:57 PM Re: Answers
BranShea Offline
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Ellipses?.... So I went straight from genius down to nitwit. Alas,for a short lived glory.

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#155141 - 12/31/06 02:14 PM Re: Answers
GallantTed Offline
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Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things?

Lissen, us Teds is fierce sorry about the typen error what should, a course, have been 4 legs good, 2 legs bad. Poor Albear Camoo is so ashameda himself that he's run away from home fer ta join the Legionbears. We've a long night a worry ahed a us fer sure.

Well, what can I say cept that at tragic times like this we'll be lashen out the 1 Our Father and 3 Hail Mary's fer our troubles. Ya see, as I pinted out in me intro a week or so back, some a the questions were cultural and the above remedy applies ta most woes round hear.

So I hope that puts a eclipse on the ellipse cos them dots was just a link fer ta help ya with the next question and there was nothin fancy smancy intinded.

Have ta go now and rescue me little pal before drownden in the New Year.

Be seein ya

GT

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#155142 - 01/28/07 02:25 PM Happy St Bridget's Day - Feb 1st
GallantTed Offline
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Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things? Lissen, tucks a ye have been writen in bursten ta know how MadDogTed got himself thrung back in ta Borstal fer Bold Bears fer ta avoid payen all his mounten dets. Ya see, this was a fierce tricky feet fer him ta pull off fer sure, cos if the innocint little fella was caught re-committen any a his old crimes again, the Judge swore that he’d throw away the key and me little pal would be locked away fer good.

So MadDogTed had ta come up with a new crime fer ta committ fer ta be committed, but after days and nights a sitten beyont in Slasher’s thinken and drinken he couldn’t come up with nothin. Well, on the fifth day Mr Slasher’s Aunt Maud offered fer ta wash his thinken-cap fer him, cos at this stage it was mank from the mush that me poor little pal’s brain had turned inta with alla the pointless ponderen.

Anyways, while they was waiten fer it ta dry out, Auntie Maud was tellen MadDogTed about the grate book she was readen on the Lives a the Saints and how alla the Saints are now big inta the internet and that they do be sellen miricles on ebay and everythin. Well, MadDogTed had no spare cash fer ta be buyen miricles offa the internet so he mooched dejectedly back ta the drawen board. But then, didn’t he spot this drawen pin gleemen at him.

And fokes, it was then that he mirically seen the light and came up with one a his best plans ever. He took a few photysnaps a the drawen pin and stook it on ebay fer ta sell, claimen that it was the very pin what St Bridget herself used fer ta hang up the very furst St Bridget’s Cross on the very Gates a Heaven themselves. A course, he knew well that when St Bridget was doen a spotta saintly surfen she’d spot that this was a proper scam alltagather, so me wily little pal just sat back and waited fer the consequenses.

And sure enuff, a few days later the Judge done him fer the new crime a tacks fraud.

Be seein ya

GallantTed


Edited by GallantTed (01/31/07 06:07 PM)

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#155143 - 01/28/07 03:28 PM Re: Happy St Bridget's Day - Feb 1st
BranShea Offline
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Registered: 06/23/06
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-- -- -- --
G.Ted, You see, this is the only real serious thread here.
Hi Ted, I took some of the load of the puppet's faces off and add that various friends and family will enjoy the email of Bridgets 's heavenly mediation between MadDog and fate.


Edited by BranShea (01/29/07 03:55 AM)

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#155144 - 01/29/07 05:10 AM Re: Happy St Bridget's Day - Feb 1st
BranShea Offline
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Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Sorry I have to make a twin post again , but it suddenly dawns on me considering MadDogTed's lifestyle, that there could be a connection between the saviour of William the Conquerer and MDT. Don't know yet how, but sure a lot the unemployed bards and story-tellers must have crossed the Irish sea.


Edited by BranShea (01/29/07 05:11 AM)

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#155145 - 02/08/07 06:37 PM Howye fokes
GallantTed Offline
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Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things? Isn’t that global warmen lark just terrable alltagather? We’re all goen ta fry, I'll tell ya. Ya see, the temperature is risen cos a alla them greenhouse gasses, and there’s a big huge hole in the ozone layer, and soon the earth will be roasten alltagather and the seas will be risen and we’re all goen ta be drownded in our beds.

And the worst thing is that fer years everyone blamed the carbon dioxide emmissions from alla them big huge cars fer the catastrafee. But the grate news, brought ta ya exclusively by Ted, is that ya can hould onta yer SUV Missus, cos all along it was the cows what was doen the damage. Ya see, methane is one a the main greenhouse gasses, and after a good feed a the grass doesn’t the cattle beyont in the field be emmitten fierce amounts a this silent but violint gas in ta the unsuspecten atmosphere. And then, alla this wind gets trapped inta the stratasphere and it gets fierce windy alltagather and storms do be bellowen up all over the place. Or somethin like that.

Anyways, the bottom line is that as worldly citizins of Mammy Earth, we’re all goen ta have ta think offa a way ta get them cows ta change their diets. Chicken nuggets might be an option, but with the loomen threat a the bird flu and and the fact that some a them bovine types are fierce fussy eaters alltagather, this may not be the best solution. Ya could always insist that they take a couple a antiacid tablets after each grassy meal, but as the have four stomachs a piece this might prove ta be fierce costly alltagather. And besides, I know meself that some cows don’t like ta be doen the drugs.

A course, I meself think the best option is ta make good use a alla them idle bull bars on yer four wheel drives and just go in and plough the lot a them mooey windbags away. Then ya’d really be doen somethin ta help the enviromint.

Be seein ya

GallantTed

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#155146 - 02/09/07 11:10 AM Re: Howye fokes
BranShea Offline
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Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Gee! G-Ted That's is a serious kind of a shock you gave yesterday. Kept me real puzzling these two days. For two years I thought I'd done the right thing giving my car to my son's family and taking the bike. With good bikebags that 's easy to do on a daily basis and it's good for the environment, the fresh air and the heartbeat in general.
So I thought.
But for the heavier loads and two years older I was just thinking about finding me an oxen-cart I could parc on a little piece of suburb land.
Now you are condemning the cow ! The bovines ! So what do I do now? A donkey ? Goat ? Don't think so ..... if you are quite quite sure about your discovery.
Rabbits? Two dozen or so? Nay, all grass eaters........
Leaves me the DOG . (big one) But I'm not to fond of dogs as a pet and dogs are as sacred in this overpopulated country as Zeeboos in India.
I would be lynched if they caught me with a dog pulling a cart.
You' ve put me in a precarious position, cause there's another little problem.
I love cows.


Edited by BranShea (02/09/07 11:14 AM)

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#155147 - 02/09/07 12:05 PM The goat cart in history
TEd Remington Offline
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Posts: 3467
Loc: Marion NC
Many folks don't realize it, but in King Arthur's time quests for the holy grail were not actually the sole province of men. This is the obscure story of Lady Pamela, who grabbed sexism by the horns and cast it down.

As he got older, Arthur had realized that he was having a difficult time keeping track of which knights were out on a quest and which had signed themselves onto the waiting list. So he had a scroll created to remind him. One fine day he learned that Sir Humphrey, his most impecunious knight, was in a peck of trouble. Sir Humphrey could not afford a charger, Dodge or otherwise), and got around the country on a cart pulled by a goat, hence he was popularly known as Sir Humphrey Goatcart.

Humphrey, it seems, had been captured by a fierce and immortal dragon which had wounded him grievously and then confined him to the nether reaches of a cave. The dragon intended to slow roast Sir Humphrey the next time hunger pangs struck. So Arthur called for the keep of the scroll.

"Who is the next knight signed up for a quest?" asked the good King. Upon being told that the next name on the list was actually that of Lady Pamela, he called her into the royal presence.

"Pray explain to me," thundered Arthur, "why your name appears on this scroll."

"Because, Your Magesty, I believe that women can do everything that men can do and I seek to prove it," replied the bold Lady Pamela. After pondering, the King decided to let her go on the quest, perhaps believing that the dragon would take care of this upstart woman.

So Lady Pamela put on her fe-mail and strapped on her trusty sword and set out from Camelot. She soon found the lair of the dragon, chopped off its head, and entered the cave, where she started to bind up Sir Humprey's wounds. Sir Humphrey looked over her shoulder and saw that the dragon had regenerated its head and was ready to pounce upon the woman who was tenderly nursing his wounds. This caused Sir Humphrey to utter those immortal words, "Slay it again, Pam."
_________________________
TEd

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#155148 - 02/11/07 05:16 PM Howye TEd (no relation) and Branshea
GallantTed Offline
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Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things? Lissen, it looks as if I stepped on a few sensitive hooves last week when I wrote about how the eaten habits a them cows is responsible fer the global warmen:

Dear Mr. Ted,

Upon reading your ominous comments of last week blaming the cataclysm that is global warming on the unpresumptuous cow, the girls and I had no choice but to call an emergency meeting in the back field whence we passed a motion behooooving us to write to you forthwith, expressing our downright vexation at your uncavalier attitude towards our wholesome eating habits.

“What’s the beef?” “How cud he?” “He’s reached an all time loooow”, I’ll be in a bad moooood all week, now”, “What has he dung?” were just some of the pronouncement which bellowed from from the quivering maws of my deeply wounded companions.

Mr. Ted, although against my cultivated principles, it behooooves me looower myself and remind you of the numerous times we girls had to hastily hoof it up the hills, lest we prematurely expired from the stiffling after-effects of those curried-beans and porter suppers that you and your ursine cohorts seem so fond of. What can I say, Mr. Ted, save that you are an indubitable and unequivocal farce.

Yours sincerely

Miss Harriet Heffer



Dear Miss Heffer

And what can I say, cept that there’s enuff hot air and gas in that most long-windedness a letters fer ta melt at least haff a dozen ice caps and still have enuff steem left over fer ta blow a other hole in the ozone layer. As fer yer passen motions in the back field – too much infermation, Missus, too much infermation.

Be seein ya

GallantTed

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#155149 - 02/11/07 05:37 PM Re: Howye TEd (no relation) and Branshea
Faldage Offline
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You tell her, GT! Besides, we get rid of those dang cows and we can take all that corn and hay they eat so much of and burn it in our cars!

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#155150 - 02/12/07 07:57 AM Re: Howye TEd (no relation) and Branshea
BranShea Offline
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Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Oh sure, Faldage. No doubt you will find a way to make your car produce milk and meat at the same time .



Edited by BranShea (02/12/07 07:59 AM)

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#155151 - 02/12/07 06:39 PM Re: Howye TEd (no relation) and Branshea
Faldage Offline
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Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
We don' need no steenkin milk or meat.

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#155152 - 02/12/07 06:42 PM Re: Howye TEd (no relation) and Branshea
pennyless Offline
journeyman

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 74
Loc: Sandy, Utah
The very idea!! It's enough to make a Jewish girl curdle herself!
signed, with horror,
Miss Holstein

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#155153 - 02/12/07 07:27 PM Re: Howye TEd (no relation) and Branshea
BranShea Offline
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Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Is this the royalty "We"?

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#155154 - 02/12/07 08:26 PM Re: Howye TEd (no relation) and Branshea
tsuwm Offline
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Posts: 10522
Loc: this too shall pass
Quote:

Is this the royalty "We"?




actually, it's a US cultural tag: we don' need no steenkin' badges.

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#155155 - 02/13/07 04:11 AM Re: Howye TEd (no relation) and Branshea
BranShea Offline
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Registered: 06/23/06
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Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
we don' need no steenkin' badges.

Thanks Tsuwn, for information and Humphry Bogard bonus.

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#155156 - 02/15/07 05:32 AM Re: GallantTed
BranShea Offline
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Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Dear GallantTed

Now that Valentine's Day is over I pronounce the 15 th of Frebruari to be the Day Of The Sacred Cow from now on.This in honor of the domesticated and peaceful ones.
Everyone who wants to interprete the meaning of this Day as a celebration of His Four-Wheeled Holiness is totally free to do so and standing in his own rights.

BTW, Gallant Ted, the artistic quality of your last somewhat provocative column was as good as ever
and of course I laughed. Then I remembered my duty to be thruthful to the Two- Wheeler's Society and my love for cows, specially the Irish free walking ones that so recklessly challenge unsuspicious four-wheelers on country roads. So I had to make the objection.

I guess most of this must have come out of MadDogTed's foggy head, preferring barking over booing. I know , he can't help it. Something to do with this little shard of iron in his head (did he run into a car?)
Shoot , the other way around.

With respect, as ever BranShea


Edited by BranShea (02/16/07 08:09 AM)

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#166504 - 03/05/07 02:48 PM Re: GallantTed [Re: BranShea]
BranShea Offline
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Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
This could have gone to Favorite Phrases as it is from an interesting author, but the subject of it makes it fit in better into this Bear world.


This is one for Mabbogtebby, to upgrade his lightly handicapped bit of self esteem: a little bit of bear lore. Hope he likes it.


And then there was Snuffles .
Snuffles was a bear - possibly - and of sorts. The bear is himself a caricature of animalkind, somehow a giant dog, somehow a shaggy man, an ogre, and also a toy. And Snuffles was a caricature of a bear. Billy Cross tried to explain to them about bears. Billy was an old bear man.

" It is the only animal that children dream of without having seen or been told about. Moncrief by his recall methods had studied thousands of early childhood dreams. Children universally dream of bears, Thahithian children subject to no ursine influence in themselves or their ancestry, Australian
children, town tikes before they ever saw a bear toy. They dream of bears. The bear is the boogerman. Bears live in attics of old childhood houses. Their existance there is not of adult suggestion, but of innate Childhood knowledge.
But here is duality about this boogerman. He is friendly and fascinating as well as frightening. The boogerman is not a story that adults tell to children.
It is the only story that children tell to adults who have forgotten it.

Now the boogerman is also philologically interesting, being actually one of the less than a hundred Indo-European root words. Though Bog has come to mean
God in the Slavic, yet the booger was earlier an animal-man demiurge, and the Sanscrit bhaga is not without this meaning. In the sense of a breaker, a smasher,
it is in the Old Irish bong , and in Lithuanian banga . In the sense of a devourer in the Greek phag , and as one who puts to flight it is in Latin fug.
We have, of course, the Welsh bwg , a ghost, and bogey has been used in the meaning of the devil. And we have bugbear , which rounds out the circuit.

"In many mythologies it was the bear who made the world. After that he did nothing distinguished. It was felt by his devotees that he had done enough."

From : R.A Laffery- "Snuffles" fragment. 1960, from Galaxy. dec. 1960






Edited by BranShea (03/05/07 04:55 PM)

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#166507 - 03/05/07 02:59 PM Re: Howye TEd (no relation) and Branshea [Re: BranShea]
ParkinT Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 10/30/06
Posts: 293
Loc: Orlando
Originally Posted By: BranShea
we don' need no steenkin' badges.

Thanks Tsuwn, for information and Humphry Bogard bonus. <img src="http://wordsmith.org/board/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Humphrey Bogart or Mel Brooks "We don' need no stinkin' bageez"
_________________________
"I am certain there is too much certainty in the world" -Michael Crichton

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#166511 - 03/05/07 04:12 PM Re: Howye TEd (no relation) and Branshea [Re: ParkinT]
BranShea Offline
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Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Come on, ParkinT!
In your next life, if you'll the have the luck to be reborn as a woman you might learn to see and hear the difference between Bogard and Brooks
The voice! Humphrey Bogard has(had) the voice!

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#167360 - 04/05/07 09:01 PM Happy Easter everyone [Re: BranShea]
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland




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(T & C apply, striker fer the FREE match costs €29.99 exter; for the purposes a saven the world somea the matches may be recycled and already used - but just the once)

Fer further details apply within

(warning: inflammible substance, there may be a risk of fire and subsequent smoke on ignition)




Howye fokes! How is things? Things is fierce busy here fer sure, what with the launch a our new smokeless tabacco - Albear Camoo’s “The Insider” – The smokeless tabacco what lets ya smoke inside.

Anyways, I’m not too busy fer ta go back on me promises and I told ye last week that I’d tell ye all the craic what Peig SoothSayers, the Gaelgoric misfortune teller from them bygone days of yore, and MadDogTed was haven duren the official launch a our new product - Albear Camoo’s “The Insider” – The smokeless tabacco what lets ya smoke inside. Peig was tellen MadDogTed a load a true stories about what life was like back when she was a little girl in the olden days.

One a MadDogTed’s favourites was the story about the little old widda woman what used ta live near Peig and what had ta call out the AI man fer ta service her cow. When he arrived she brung him inta the barn and told him that there was a bucket a water, soap and a towel in the corner fer him ta wash his hands. And then, as she turned ta go she sed “And there’s a hook on the back a door fer ta hang yer trousers.” No codden! And I bet that afterwards himself and the cow would a smoked Albear Camoo’s “The Insider” – The smokeless tabacco what lets ya smoke inside, if only it had been invented back then. Don’t ferget ta order yers taday.

Be seein ya

GallantTed





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#167431 - 04/08/07 06:34 PM Re: Happy Easter everyone [Re: GallantTed]
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things? I’m not codden ya, but after 40 days and 40 nights a total abstinince it’s just grate ta be back on the carbon again – us Teds gave it up fer the Lent, ya know. We’re fierce delighted with ourselves fer sure and just can’t wait fer ta get our carbon footprints re-measured so that we can see how much carbon credits we’ve saved up. Not ta mention the amount a sin and guilt we’ve saved ourselves, and we’ve no dout that after this mighty feet a self-denial and sufferen, we’ll be goen straight in ta heaven fer sure when it’s our turn fer ta kick the bucket.

Anyways, we was all beyont in Slasher’s jint celebraten our immaculate virtousness and talken religiously about all things holy when Mr Slasher began tellen us about the sale of indulginces what used ta happen back in the olden days. Ya see, the rich peeple didn’t have ta make any sacrifices or do any penince fer their sins or nothin cos all they had ta do was ta pay a few bob ta Them-What-Were-In-Charge, and then get a receipt fer ta take with them ta heaven when they passed over. I’m not sure meself weather ya was supposed ta write the cheque out ta St Peter or ta God Himself, but suffice ta say it sounded a bit of a ominous system alltagather and after a moments silence we decided ta reflect on this pint fer a while.

Then, after given thanks and praise that the likes a that doesn’t be happenen in this day and age, we settled down ta discuss the main business a the night – weather we’d sell off our saved up carbon credits ta the highest bidder or weather we’d put them towards a long haul flight ta Vegas or somewhere. A course, if we chose the second option then we’d probably have ta pay a big huge pile a carbon tax fer our sins – and whereas we’re all in favour a throwen money at problems fer ta make them go away, we wasn’t sure weather ta write the cheque out ta Mammy Nature or Mammy Earth. Either way, I’m sure both a them could use the money fer ta get a new frock or a new hair-do or somethin, but in the end we decided on the furst option. Apply within if yer interested.

Be seein ya

GallantTed

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#167433 - 04/08/07 09:04 PM Re: Happy Easter everyone [Re: GallantTed]
Faldage Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
Ted! Good to see you again.

I made a New Year's resolution to quit giving up things for Lent back in 1962. That was the same year I gave up New Year's resolutions for Lent. I've stuck with both of them for all these years and I don't intend to quit now.

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#167449 - 04/09/07 11:34 AM Re: Happy Easter everyone [Re: Faldage]
belMarduk Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 09/28/00
Posts: 2891
Originally Posted By: Faldage
Ted! Good to see you again.

I made a New Year's resolution to quit giving up things for Lent back in 1962. That was the same year I gave up New Year's resolutions for Lent. I've stuck with both of them for all these years and I don't intend to quit now.


HA!

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#168960 - 06/30/07 09:52 AM Re: Happy Easter everyone [Re: belMarduk]
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things!

Me pal, Albear Camoo, decided ta take a new direction in his writen and taught he'd try his paw at a bitta the Chick Lit what's all the rage at the minute. His furst novel in this genere called, "A Bad Hare Day", has just been published and is a right hart-renchen rollercoaster ride a emotions alltagather. It's all about a fierce vane Rooster called Roberto what falls in love with Martha, a fierce glamerous Hare what comes from the other side a the chicken wire. Romeo and Juliet was never in it with this pair, I'll tell ya, and things do be goen grand with them alltagather until the fatefull day when Roberto discovers a gray hare in his comb.

The poor fella didn't know what ta do and at furst kep the problem well hidden under his hat. Then after many sleepless nights a dispair he valiantally decided ta get some professional help. It was here that our intrepid hero was intraduced ta the murky world a hair colouren and after a soul destroyen journey through the ups and downs a highlights and lowlights, Roberto soon found himself choosen the harder option a all-out streeken.

Meanwhile, a distraught Martha didn't know what exactly was goen on with her once ardent beau and was haven her own sleepless nights a dispair wonderen if there was somethin the matter with her cos her Roberto seemed ta have a problem goen all the way. It was then that she made the daren decision ta change the colour a her own beautiful tresses. So our intrepid heroine was
also intarduced ta the murky world a hare colouren and it weren't long before she too had reached the all-out streeken phase. But was it enuff fer ta save the tainted passion a our two tint-crossed lovers?

Well, fokes after more hart-renchen sleepless nights a dispair and all that sorta stuff, I've no dout in me furry little mind that ya'll be bursten ta know the final outcome. Now, I don't want ta give too much away at this pint, but suffice ta say that, yes! yes! yes! - they eventually did go all the way and tragically they both dyed in the end.

Be seein ya

GallantTed

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#168964 - 06/30/07 03:48 PM Re: Happy Easter everyone [Re: GallantTed]
TEd Remington Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 07/17/00
Posts: 3467
Loc: Marion NC
And 'twas Paddy the Irish pig who got to the root o' the matter, much to the hare's dis-tress. This led Roberto to suggest that his darlin' hare put on some infusing oil, leading to the rapeseeding of the lock. Paddy thought that was a bangs-on idea, but had trouble getting the other two to beehive themselves long enough to dance the French twist. And he certainly upbraded them about it, the snip.

I hope everyone can follicle this.
_________________________
TEd

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#169262 - 07/17/07 01:00 AM Re: Happy Easter everyone [Re: TEd Remington]
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things?

After the grate success a MadDogTed’s furst Sick Lit novel, John with the Wind, there was no way that me other literary pal, Albear Camoo, was goen ta be out done and a right battle a lits enscewed as Albear rushed ta get his second novel in the Chick Lit genre published.

His new novel, Ta Fleece a Sheep, is full a passion, intrigue, betrayal and all that sorta stuff and is all about a fierce rich but socially inept Farmer what longs ta be runnen with the In Crowd, but is cursed by the mark a the agricultural wellinton. He desperately tries ta hide his brutally boorish beginnens and bumptiousally makes several attimpts ta launch himself inta high society, but constantly gives his poor breeden away - like the time he bought his way inta a reel fancy card game only ta make a holy show outta himself by spitten on his hands every time a spade was delt.

Anyways, one fatefull night, a fierce mysterious and glamerous woman enters his life and he’s fierce delighted with himself alltagather. But tragically, what our mutton-heded frend doesn’t realize is that she’s really only a washed-out, mutton-dressed-as lamb, gallopen trollop offa gold digger what’s only after his money.

Now, I can’t be given too much more away at this pint, but I’m not codden ya, yer eyes will be glued ta the pages as ya enter this exciten world a thrills, spills, treachery, glitz, glamour, fizzy sheep dip on ice and all that sorta stuff. It promises ta be a grate read alltagather and one ya should definitely pack inta yer suit case when yer goen on yer hollimadays. Which reminds me, if ya have any exter room in yer case fer a few very wordy Teds badly in need offa a brake, please apply within.

Be seein ya

GallantTed

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#169264 - 07/17/07 06:35 AM Re: Happy Easter everyone [Re: GallantTed]
Faldage Offline
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Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
Always a pleasure to see you here, GTed.

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#169268 - 07/17/07 10:29 AM Re: Happy Easter everyone [Re: GallantTed]
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
This robin passes by for a good story,GTed.

[like the time he bought his way inta a reel fancy card game only ta make a holy show outta himself by spitten on his hands every time a spade was delt.]
For the Teds: A jar of very exclusive Mimosa Hair Honey. Not sure if they should eat it or put it on their hair/fur. Maybe both, read the label carefully.

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#169272 - 07/17/07 01:44 PM Re: Happy Easter everyone [Re: BranShea]
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes!

TEd (no relation) - ya sed it on a plat fer sure.

Branshea - thanks a millin fer the potta jam stuff - we ate it fer sure and it done wonders fer the fur on our tongues.

Faldage - I'd love ta be around more but I had ta spend the past few weeks learen the Latin fer ta unravel yer quote on the other thread, will ya just translate it fer me so that I can confirm that I'm right again.

Be seein ya

GT

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#169286 - 07/17/07 08:36 PM Re: Happy Easter everyone [Re: GallantTed]
Faldage Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
Be glad to, Ted. What was it I wrote?

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#169294 - 07/18/07 01:26 PM Re: Happy Easter everyone [Re: Faldage]
Owlbow Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 389
Loc: Rhode Island, USA
Thanks for the multiple laughs Teds et al
'always a pleasure

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#170832 - 10/23/07 06:28 PM Re: Happy Easter everyone [Re: Owlbow]
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things?

In taday’s cut throat society when everybody would give their high teeth and their right arm – not ta mention take the eye outta yer hed - just fer ta keep up with the Jonses, it’s just grate ta see that a brand new book on the subject entitled, "How ta Get Ahed" has been published by none other then me very wordy pal, Albear Camoo. And the letters a gratitude what we received from greatfull readers only speek volums on how awe-inspirenly brillant this opus actually is. For example:

Dear Ted

I read your column with great pleasure and interest every week and think it’s the best thing since super glue. Keep up the good work and I have to agree with you, that without a doubt Goldilocks is indeed a proper galloping trollop … (and all that sorta stuff – the writer doesn’t quiet stop there but outta modesty I’ll get ta his pint quick – GTed).

Please, please pass on my heartiest congratulations to your little pal, Albear Camoo, for his remarkable new book, "How to Get Ahead". I followed all his tips and advice to the very letter and Ted, and cannot begin to explain how my life has turned around for the better. Although, all of the book was most helpful and stimulating, I personally found the following tips to be totally awe-inspiring:

In order to get ahead you must: 1. Keep your finger on the pulse. 2. Keep your shoulder to the wheel. 3. Keep your back covered. 4. Keep trouble at arms length. 5. Keep your feet on the ground. 6. Have a hard neck. 7. Always have a leg to stand on. 8. Get your foor in the door, but never put it in it. 9. Even when times get tough, never throw your hand in.

Well, Ted, as soon as I put the above tips into practice I met, what I can only describe as, my other half. I have never been happier, and at last I feel like a complete person. Of course, sometimes we argue over the best bits of this wonderful book!!! My significant other found the chapter called How to Achieve the Perfect Body to be a great help in their own personal quest for perfection and recommends the following tips: 1. Keep your nose clean and to the grindstone. 2. Keep your ear to the ground. 3. Keep an eye out. 4. Keep your mouth shut. 5. Keep your head above water.

These tips never quite worked for me, Ted, but then again, they do say that opposites attract!

Signed: George (formally known as the Headless Horseman)

Well there ye have it fokes - certainly a case of a old sock meeten a old shoe, and all because a Albear's grate new book ta boot.

Be seein ya

GallantTed

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#170836 - 10/23/07 11:34 PM Re: Happy Easter everyone [Re: GallantTed]
themilum Offline
veteran

Registered: 05/25/02
Posts: 1529
Loc: Aladamnbama the most watered s...
Grate review Ted, you have no peer among bear raconteurs!

Now stay out of Slashers Bar and follow every salient pint Albear Camoo has made in his soon-to-be-grate book.

Except one. Please promise us that you'll never, never, heed Camoo's advice number 4. Keep your mouth shut.

Without your careful explaining Ted, some folks here might think that Goldilocks was as sweet and innocent as was ( may hallowed be his name) Saint Patrick.

Besides, you make us laugh and laugh and laugh.



Edited by themilum (10/23/07 11:39 PM)

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#170843 - 10/24/07 07:55 AM Re: Happy Hallo Again [Re: GallantTed]
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Thanks Ted , after I've stopped laughing (may take a while) I will pass on your hearty column to non AWAD reading friends and family. Specially to the ones that are being harassed by undeserving types of managers of all kinds.With the support of Camoo's book they we be able to trade places in no time,I trust, or find the courage to take the giant leap to insecurity and start a deserving little business of their own.

Glad to see you all made it through the lousy summer.

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#172802 - 01/22/08 04:46 PM Re: Happy Hallo Again [Re: BranShea]
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things?

Browsen thru me Tedasaurus - the ancient booka Teds what I inherited from me wordy fourbears - I came across a very interesten account on Young Ted the Scientist what is renound fer finally solven the mind bogglen riddle a the chicken and the egg.

Ya see, he lived back duren the Age a Enlightenmint when alla the grate minds a the day spent their time sitten around inventen things and discussen the Grate Questions what was befuddlen everyone at the time. And every year they held a big huge compitition ta see who had the best mind a them all.

Anyways, one year Young Ted entered his invention a the instant camera and was laffed and jeered outta it by his peers at such a stupid idea – it’s reported that Mona Lisa herself even nearly broke inta a smile at the absurd notion a such a thing, especially when she herd that there wasn’t even a phone attatched ta it.

Well, after that me wordy forebear, what was by now totally bankrupt, spent his days tryen ta regain his losses by gamblen, boozen and general carrousen. And one day whilst returnen home, he happened upon a grate debate what was happenen in the village square. Alla the grate minds were there goen hammer and tongs, hell fer leather and fire and brimstone arguenen over which came first – The Chicken or The Egg. And there was a big huge prize fer the person what could prove the right answer, ta boot.

So up steps Young Ted and announces that neither The Chicken or the Egg came first – but in fact it was a ded heat between them. Well, ya can imagine the boos, jeers and rotten tomatas what assaulted the poor little bear at maken such a totally ludacris statemint. But then didn’t the little fella produce a photysnap showen a photy finish from the 3.30 at races The Curragh, where nose-ta-nose, The Chicken and The Egg finished at exactly the same pint in the race.

And as there was no arguen with that hard-nosed proof fer sure, Young Ted won the big huge prize and happily lived out the resta his days doen what he did best – gamblen, boozen and general carrousen. By the way, a hoss called The Lame Duck came third.

Be seein ya

GallantTed

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#172805 - 01/22/08 07:30 PM Re: Happy Hallo Again [Re: GallantTed]
Faldage Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
Always good to hear from you GT. You don't come around near often enough.

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#172831 - 01/23/08 09:35 AM Re: Happy Hallo Again [Re: GallantTed]
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Quote:
it’s reported that Mona Lisa herself even nearly broke inta a smile ( * \/ * )

Great, Ted!
There's been thousands of comments (in image and word) on the most famous of all smiles in history, but this one I had not yet met with.

Second, it's good to know Young Ted used his wit to get some substancial benefits. (I knew sooner or later he'd be allright)


Edited by BranShea (01/23/08 09:37 AM)

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#172860 - 01/25/08 12:21 AM Re: Happy Hallo Again [Re: GallantTed]
themilum Offline
veteran

Registered: 05/25/02
Posts: 1529
Loc: Aladamnbama the most watered s...
Ah Ted, you had me going there for a minute. But then it struck me; you were, of course, speaking allegorically. Your example of a horse race between three horses named "Chicken", "Egg" and "Lame Duck" tri-actively symbolized a quintessential question, namely, "Which came first? The Chicken or the Egg, or the "Lame Duck".

You are brilliant. In your compendium the so-called "chicken" is within its own self a representation of the so-called "egg"... inasmuch as both are good to eat.

And as for the so-called "Lame Duck" it is, in fact, a "Lame Duck". Gallant Ted included a lame duck to remind us to be kind to our web footed friends; because the duck might be somebody's brother, who lives all alone in the swamp, where it's cold and damp.
You may think that this is the end...well it ain't.

I want to add that I am what I am today because of the inchoate yet inaesthetic stories of the inestimable Gallant Ted.


Edited by themilum (01/26/08 10:05 AM)

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#172864 - 01/25/08 06:14 AM Re: Happy Hallo Again [Re: themilum]
Faldage Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
Originally Posted By: themilum

I want to add that I am what I am today because of the inchoate yet inaesthetic stories of the inestimable Gallant Ted.


Sure. Blame it on a poor defenceless Teddy.

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#172900 - 01/26/08 05:04 PM Re: Happy Hallo Again [Re: Faldage]
themilum Offline
veteran

Registered: 05/25/02
Posts: 1529
Loc: Aladamnbama the most watered s...
Originally Posted By: Faldage
Originally Posted By: themilum

I want to add that I am what I am today because of the inchoate yet inaesthetic stories of the inestimable Gallant Ted.


Sure. Blame it on a poor defenceless Teddy.


And you, Faldage, are my role model and my hero.

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#172905 - 01/27/08 08:28 AM Re: Happy Hallo Again [Re: themilum]
Faldage Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
Originally Posted By: themilum
Originally Posted By: Faldage
Originally Posted By: themilum

I want to add that I am what I am today because of the inchoate yet inaesthetic stories of the inestimable Gallant Ted.


Sure. Blame it on a poor defenceless Teddy.


And you, Faldage, are my role model and my hero.


Sure. Blame it on a poor defenseless Fool.

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#176433 - 04/27/08 06:30 PM It's Sheep what we're up against [Re: Faldage]
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things?

I’m not codden ya but with alla the fierce bad weather and everythin, it’s fierce hard fer ta know what season it is fer sure. But lookily, us Teds don’t need ta be relyen on the elemints fer ta deduct what time a the year it is cos, once them frisky little lambs gambol their way inta Slasher’s jint, we know that spring has finally sprung and alla that sorta stuff.

And I’ll tell ya, them little balls a wool just love their bitta gambollen – they gambol on the horses, they gambol on the cards, they gambol on the football, they gambol on the next song ta be played outta the juke-box. But their most favourite thing ta be gambollen on is the dogs.

They usually sit over by the window, with one pinta ribina between them – and 7 straws ta boot - and carefully study the form a the dogs outside on the street. And then after much consideration and after taken a few slurps a the communal ribina the gambollen will start.

“Betcha that cur by the lamp post is a bitch,” one will say ta the other.

“Betcha she’s not.”

“Betcha he’s a out-and-out sheep worrier,” another will say.

“Betcha she’s not.”

“Betcha yer too chicken fer ta go out and find out wether she is or he isn’t.”

“Betcha I’m not.”

Anyways, this was the exact scenario the other day and MadDogTed evintually had ta go over ta see if he could settle the bet and shut them up cos their incessant bleeten was getten too much fer his sinsitive little ears. And fer a small fee he offered fer ta go out and find out if the sed dog was or wasn’t a sheep worrier.

So out he went and after haven a few words with the dog he came back in with the result. “ He’s a sheep worrier fer sure,” sed MadDogTed. “How do ya know?” sed the lambs.

“Cos he told me ta tell ye that a huge consignment a mint sauce had just been delivered ta the local butchers.”

Well, the little sheep were fierce worried at that fer sure and ordered 7 pints a ribina and rum fer ta help ferget their troubles. I suppose it were a case a “dinner all right” fer sure.

Be seein ya

GallantTed
http://www.mayoecho.com/online_edition.htm



Edited by GallantTed (04/27/08 06:35 PM)

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#176437 - 04/27/08 09:34 PM Re: It's Sheep what we're up against [Re: GallantTed]
Faldage Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
Ah, Ted. Good to see you again. And I'm glad to know what kind of gamboling those lambs really do. I had some cockamamie notion that it was something else entirely. Thanks for setting me straight.

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#176440 - 04/27/08 09:52 PM Re: It's Sheep what we're up against [Re: GallantTed]
The Pook Offline
old hand

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1067
Loc: Tasmania
Where's olly? He should be an expert on this.

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#176442 - 04/27/08 10:55 PM Re: It's Sheep what we're up against [Re: The Pook]
olly Offline
old hand

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 956
Loc: Auckland, New Zealand
 Originally Posted By: The Pook
Where's olly? He should be an expert on this.


After ewe!

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#176445 - 04/28/08 06:22 AM Re: It's Sheep what we're up against [Re: GallantTed]
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Slasher's pastoral suite?
Oh,my! The poor lambs marinated in ribina and rum and topped off with a mint sauce.

Fun to see the Echo pages;(26)! the 30 minutes crosswords will take me 30 days, I'm afraid.

EDIT: The Echo version is a good laugh too.

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#176455 - 04/28/08 01:37 PM Re: It's Sheep what we're up against [Re: BranShea]
Owlbow Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 389
Loc: Rhode Island, USA
Thanks for the link Ted.
It is indeed good to see ewe, as ever.
As I remember, my dear old Ma loved the mint sauce .

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#187730 - 11/11/09 12:41 PM Re: It's more than Sheep what we're up against [Re: Owlbow]
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Howye Gallant Ted? I've come to know through ISI, (Internet Secret Intelligence) that Ted has been taken hostage to a so far unknown foreign country after he ventured in the dangerous quarters of public policies. I certainly hope that soon he'll be at least reconnected to his faithful little pals back home. Wish you strength , hope and a good outcome.

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#187787 - 11/13/09 06:06 PM Re: It's more than Sheep what we're up against [Re: BranShea]
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things? Friday the 13th began with MadDogTed looken everywhere fer his looky horse-shoe cos it was the nighta the annual Big Huge Poker Tournamint where Mr Slasher always puts up a grate secret prize fer the winner. Anyways, then MadDogTed spotted a horse outa the winda beyont in the field and decided ta go down fer ta see if it'd loan him one or two of his horsey shoes fer the night.

Before the tournamint there was no signa MadDogTed cept fer his looky silver bucket what he usually up-turns ta sit on during these grate occasions. This time he was taken no chances cos it was filled up with looky 4-leaved clovers. Then, there was a big huge cuffuffal and in comes MadDogTed riden the horse and clutchen on ta a looky black cat, just ta be sure ta be sure.

Well, the horse was a biteen nervis and was leaven a awfull mess on the floor but MadDogTed sed where's there's muck there's look, and was just about ta sit down fer ta playa bitta poker when the looky black cat nocked over the looky bucket and then the horse spotted the looky clover and ate it all and MadDogTed couldn't stop him cos he kept slippen on the looky muck. Then the horse started feelen looky and decided ta get in on the gamblen and was delt a royal flush and eventually ended up winnen the tournamint. No dout poor MadDogTeddy would've been hart-broke at the news if he was conscious, but at some pint he'd split his hed on one of the horse's looky shoes and was out ded cold fer the count.

But the thing is, the horse was actually the secret prize up fer grabs so he ended up winnin himself which, a course, is against the rules fer sure and the hole thing had ta be cancelled til next week. Whatsmore, when MadDogTed split his hed open the tempory steel-plate - what was put in there after a previous Friday 13th fiasco - fell out and what with the health cut-backs and everythin, it transpired ta be his original missen looky horse-shoe. Upon hearen all this grate news when he eventually recovered, all me little pal could say, "Is Friday 13th me looky day or what?"

Be seein ya

GallantTed

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#187789 - 11/13/09 07:46 PM Re: It's more than Sheep what we're up against [Re: GallantTed]
Faldage Offline
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Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
What?

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#187796 - 11/14/09 03:43 AM Re: A nice slice of horseplay [Re: Faldage]
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
smile Thanks GallantTed! That's generous. Cheering up my unlucky Friday 13th even though I read it Saturday 14th. I'm glad to see little MDTed kept his (new?) outfit in one piece through the turmoil.

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#187797 - 11/14/09 07:23 AM Re: A nice slice of horseplay [Re: BranShea]
mabbogtebby Offline
stranger

Registered: 12/24/02
Posts: 20
Loc: Slasher's Bar (and Grill)
bear dranshea
hows tings
luv mabbogtebby X

bear falbage
wot do u f n mean wot
wots wit da f n wot
wot do u tink i am
a ph n phlossiphur
teb o plato or is tottle
or sum1 like dat

if ur dat f n worryed
or hi fill ooten
ask aldear camoo
wots f n wot
b f n c n u l8r g8r
mabbogtebby X

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#187798 - 11/14/09 11:06 AM Re: A nice slice of horseplay [Re: mabbogtebby]
tsuwm Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 04/03/00
Posts: 10522
Loc: this too shall pass
>wot

proving once again, quod cito acquiritur cito perit.
-ron o.

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#187800 - 11/14/09 12:47 PM Re: A nice slice of horseplay [Re: tsuwm]
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Things are just so, mabbogtebby. Be well and don't let yourself be intimidated. That was just post-Celtic slang for
[that] which is quickly acquired [is] quickly lost.
And vice versa.

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#187803 - 11/14/09 01:32 PM Re: A nice slice of horseplay [Re: BranShea]
Faldage Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
@ MadDog.

GT said you said, "Is Friday 13th me looky day or what?" I was just guessing the answer was "What?"

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#187804 - 11/14/09 01:52 PM Re: A nice slice of horseplay [Re: Faldage]
mabbogtebby Offline
stranger

Registered: 12/24/02
Posts: 20
Loc: Slasher's Bar (and Grill)
nuff sed so
gteb sed 4 me 2 pologise 4 me out bust
no offince ment
nstead ill take me anger out on dat f n hoss
when i f n finb him & me
missen ducket a looky clover

b f n c n u l8r
mabbogtebby X

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#187809 - 11/14/09 07:16 PM Re: A nice slice of horseplay [Re: mabbogtebby]
Faldage Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
You're always welcome here, MadDog.

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#187824 - 11/15/09 05:03 PM Re: A nice slice of horseplay [Re: Faldage]
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Originally Posted By: Faldage
You're always welcome here, MadDog.

Agree, and one day I will crack the infamous Mabogtabby Code.

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#188984 - 01/28/10 07:25 PM Re: A nice slice of horseplay [Re: BranShea]
LukeJavan8 Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 6486
Loc: Land of the Flat Water
If you do give me a clue to the code, please.
_________________________
----please, draw me a sheep----

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#188988 - 01/28/10 09:06 PM Re: A nice slice of horseplay [Re: LukeJavan8]
Jackie Offline

Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 03/15/00
Posts: 11609
Loc: Louisville, Kentucky
It isn't worth bothering about.

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#189011 - 01/30/10 07:10 PM Re: Howye fokes [Re: GallantTed]
mabbogtebby Offline
stranger

Registered: 12/24/02
Posts: 20
Loc: Slasher's Bar (and Grill)
bear luke & branshea

theres no cobe 4 2 work out
if u do b riten da txt mesages
on ur mobile fone
den u shud b haff ways 2
unberstanden me
its shorthand u c

if u hav any more 2 ask let me gnow
cos me pals gteb & aldear camoo
sed dey wud help me anser ur querys

b f n c n u l8r g8r
luv mabbogtebby X

bear jakie
ur a feerce brave woman al2gether 4 sure
not even dat gallopen trollop golbilocks
wud speek bout me like dat
n dat tone a vice
i cud send da boys round 4 2 nail ur gnees
2 da door cept i like u 2 much
cos i tink we hav so much n common

u c i dont tink ur worth botheren bout neither

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#189012 - 01/30/10 07:55 PM Re: Howye fokes [Re: mabbogtebby]
LukeJavan8 Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 6486
Loc: Land of the Flat Water
I guess it's not worth bothering about.
I don't have the time nor wherewithall to attempt
translation, sorry. But I do appreciate your taking the
time to mention me personally.
I believe you are saying something about texting on
mobile phones. I don't believe in texting, never have,
never will. If I want to talk to someone I will call them
and talk voice to voice, nothing of the modern fadism of
lol and all that junk. I am a person-to-person person, no
jive lingo.


Edited by LukeJavan8 (01/30/10 08:00 PM)
Edit Reason: typo
_________________________
----please, draw me a sheep----

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#189015 - 01/30/10 10:53 PM Re: Howye fokes [Re: LukeJavan8]
Faldage Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
(Psst. The thing is he sometimes mixes up his d's and b's)

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#189016 - 01/31/10 04:00 AM Re: Howye fokes [Re: Faldage]
Avy Offline
old hand

Registered: 06/23/00
Posts: 724
I normally try to avoid text speak while texting but mabbogtebby turns it into an art form. I have been reading this thread with great interest - backwards. I have reached the looky hoss story. Enjoyed it thoroughly. Looking 4ward to reading the rest. Hi mabbogtebby and gallant ted. B f n n bcn u l8r leg8r.


Edited by Avy (01/31/10 04:15 AM)
Edit Reason: Text speak newbie wrote it all wrong!

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#189018 - 01/31/10 06:07 AM Re: Howye fokes [Re: mabbogtebby]
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Thanks for your more than kind answer, mabbogtebby. Your warder must be giving you good guideance.
Thanks to Avy's "bcn u l8r leg8r." I understand some more of MBT 's poetry. ( never got far beyond the b = d thing.)
It 's a bit like in the 1 -2 snowed in thread.
@Avy, nice little tinker man. (I think)

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#189020 - 01/31/10 06:54 AM Re: Howye fokes [Re: BranShea]
Avy Offline
old hand

Registered: 06/23/00
Posts: 724

Gallent ted's writing is also poetry. Love the rhythm in the lines.
I also thought it's just like the snowed in game. As much fun.
Tinker man or Saucepan man. Thanks.

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#189022 - 01/31/10 08:30 AM Re: Howye fokes [Re: Avy]
Albear Camoo Offline
stranger

Registered: 01/31/10
Posts: 2
Loc: Ireland
Greetings Comrades

Albear Camoo here, your everyday-being-in-the-wordy-world teddy bear. I’m great friends with GallantTed and MadDogTed. As GallantTed is out of town on business at the moment I had to take it upon myself to come in here and explain MadDogTed’s approach to writing. I hope you all appreciate that this is taking a great effort on my part as I am very shy and reserved. But needs must, so here goes.

But before I start, I’d like to point out that contrary to some opinion I’m very much as funny as GallantTed. Indeed, some say I am even funnier and it’s oftentimes I had them in stitches in Slasher’s Bar and Grill with my jokes and anecdotes.

But enough about me. This is about MadDogTed who is really shocked that people can't read his musings. You see, MDTed - and GallantTed for that matter - were not lucky enough to receive a proper formal education like me. MadDog Ted is self-taught. He learned his trade mainly from texting to his friends on his mobile phone. He genuinely thinks that this is the proper way to write.

Standardisation means nothing to him – it’s really a case of making it up as you go along. Don’t use punctuation, spell words as they sound and use shorthand (or shortpaw as us Teds would say),(you see, I told you I was as funny as GTed,(ha, ha, ha, or lol, lol, lol (laugh out loud) as the young texters would say).

Because he is a self-taught, he never quite got to grips with the proper use b’s and d’s. This is common with many youngsters learning to write and he is in no way making fun of people who are dyslexic – a condition which goes far, far beyond the confusion of just two letters and something which we Teds would never poke fun at.

Being a little uncouth and not refined like me, MadDogTed often uses some bad language in his writing. After all, not only is he a teddy bear but he’s an Irish teddy bear to boot.
So b f n c n u l8r g8r means: be (f n) seeing you l(eight)er g(eight)er. Fn is sort of a swear word so I’ll leave that one to the less faint-hearted of you.

Finally his signature - mabbogtebby X. The X is not a kiss but the way he signed his name before he learned to write. His still gets his b’s and d’s mixed up in his name and by now has a block about it so that’s the way it will stay. Remember that this poor teddy bear has spent most of his life going in and out of the Borstal for Bold Bears.

I do hope this sets the record straight - or str8 as MadDogTed would say. (Ha, ha, ha, I’m on a roll now for sure – beat that GallantTed).

Thanks to all those who supported the Teds over the years. If you want to see my picture please use the link. Of course, contrary to opinion I’m the really handsome one.

All the best – be seeing you later alligator

Albear Camoo http://www.harrisonbear.co.uk/friends/index.htm

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#189023 - 01/31/10 08:51 AM Re: Howye fokes [Re: Albear Camoo]
Faldage Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
Good to finally meet you, Albear. Please, don't be a stranger. Any friend of Gallant Ted and MadDog is always welcome here.

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#189024 - 01/31/10 09:23 AM Re: Howye fokes [Re: Albear Camoo]
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Wow! That site still alive! I found my oldtimers back as well. I'm glad they never noticed the little one is a monkey bear.
Bear link

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#189033 - 01/31/10 09:52 PM Re: Howye fokes [Re: Albear Camoo]
Jackie Offline

Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 03/15/00
Posts: 11609
Loc: Louisville, Kentucky
Thank you.

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#189065 - 02/02/10 05:52 AM Re: Howye fokes [Re: Jackie]
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Welcome Albear Camoo. Hope you, as the most sensible and the handsomest of the threesome will add some sense to general discussions of great importance.

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#205707 - 05/05/12 04:29 PM Re: Howye fokes [Re: GallantTed]
Nancymac Offline
stranger

Registered: 05/05/12
Posts: 8
Ted, is it true there is a movie coming out about you soon, is that why you don't hang round here anymore? Love your work.

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#205712 - 05/05/12 09:59 PM Re: Howye fokes [Re: GallantTed]
Jackie Offline

Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 03/15/00
Posts: 11609
Loc: Louisville, Kentucky
Oh, please.

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#205714 - 05/06/12 10:39 AM Re: Howye fokes [Re: Jackie]
LukeJavan8 Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 6486
Loc: Land of the Flat Water
My thoughts exactly, glad you voiced them first.
_________________________
----please, draw me a sheep----

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#205721 - 05/06/12 03:48 PM Re: Howye fokes [Re: Nancymac]
wofahulicodoc Online   content
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 08/06/01
Posts: 4901
Loc: Worcester, MA

Er, Nancymac, the bears haven't visited for over two years now, January 31, 2010, I think it was. They may not hear your question. Not MabbogTebby, nor GallantTed, nor Albear Camoo.

But the parent website of Harrison Bear seems to be still up and running, as of today anyway: http://www.harrisonbear.co.uk/friends/index.htm

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#205738 - 05/07/12 10:52 PM Re: Howye fokes [Re: wofahulicodoc]
Jackie Offline

Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 03/15/00
Posts: 11609
Loc: Louisville, Kentucky
Er, wofa, they are all one and the same person.

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#205739 - 05/07/12 11:46 PM Re: Howye fokes [Re: Jackie]
Faldage Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
No they're not. Didn't you see that picture on the harrisonbear site?

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