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Joined: Sep 2000
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Carpal Tunnel
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OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
Is that a microphone in your pocket...?
MICHAEL BUERK on BBC watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."
KEN BROWN commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."
MIKE HALLETT discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."
JACK BURNICLE was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."
CHRIS TARRANT discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."
STEWART MACHIN on Winning Post, commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."
ROSS KING discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."
CRICKETER NEIL FAIRBROTHER hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."
CLAIR FRISBY talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."
JAMES ALLEN interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"
STEVE RYDER covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."
BROUGH SCOTT'S commentary at Doncaster racecourse may have been about the new stand: "My word," he said, "look at that magnificent erection!"
WILLIE CARSON was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."
METRO RADIO - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
HARRY CARPENTER at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."
NEW ZEALAND Rugby commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."
PAT GLENN - Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!”
CARENZA LEWIS about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it!"
US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them… Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"
A FEMALE news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!
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Joined: Jul 2003
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,230 |
"Is there some hidden meaning to these quotes?" he asked, in a voice dripping with honeysoy.
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
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OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
nope, nope, uh, uh, nuttin' at all, they're just good journalists doing an honest day's toil...
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661 |
Do yous across the pond and/or up-under have a seven second delay for *live broadcasts? Yet most commentators in the US would take a *few seconds to garnish the actual *meaning... 
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511 |
ahem, this is most definitely Snopesworthy. Anyone up to the task? (the golfer's balls rings a serious warning bell... ) However and having said that, thanks for the laffs, Mav! 
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,230
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,230 |
Quote:
ahem, this is most definitely Snopesworthy. Anyone up to the task? (the golfer's balls rings a serious warning bell... )
However and having said that, thanks for the laffs, Mav!
I can definbitely vouch for the one from the NZ rugby commentator. A former player, he is famous here for his bizarre comments, adn this particular line brought himk not just more derision than usual, but also an investigation into whether it was a (very) Freudian slip, or a deliberate double entendre, which would have breached broadcasting standards.
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661 |
...breached broadcasting standards.
So much for improvization... but, that's what the delay is for... not that seven seconds is enough for a *being to apply the standards, but.
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,773
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,773 |
I don't mind admitting that this compilation is one of the most hilarious I've encountered in a good while. Mav, is this your work? Even if not, thanks immensely for the guffahs
dalehileman
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
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OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
Welcome! No, just an email I got today (and deliberately avoided snoping!) - I can only claim credit for tidying up for a more consistent format and altering the running order for effect.
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