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#1348 - 04/12/00 05:55 AM Pseudo-medical terms
Philip Davis Offline
journeyman

Registered: 04/03/00
Posts: 81
Some years ago, when I was a psychiatric nurse, my sister and I invented a few pseudo-medical terms to describe our colleagues. These were:
Mononeuronia - Have a single brain cell
Inhibitory Bineuronia - Having two, mutually inhibitory, neurones (For people brighter than mononeuronics but with less drive and energy)
Asynapsosis - Having all the gray matter but with none of it connected together. Common as a temporary condition in tired doctors and not rare as a permanent condition in some doctors. Characterised by knowing a great deal and in being completely unable to use this knowledge constructively.

Many doctors in the UK used to use apparently medical abbreviations to comment on patients (Before patients were allowed access to their medical notes). These included NVB (not non venous blood, but not very bright) and NFA (Normal for Armley - a working class area of Leeds in Yorkshire. This, of course, had many variations depending on the location).

Does anyone else have examples?


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#1349 - 04/12/00 02:56 PM Re: Pseudo-medical terms
Jackie Offline

Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 03/15/00
Posts: 11609
Loc: Louisville, Kentucky
Philip, are we psychically linked? Just this weekend, I
was teasing my husband about having one brain cell left!
(Mine seem to be dropping like flies, also, especially in the memory dep't.) I expect to be diagnosed with
mononeuronia any time now!


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#1350 - 04/13/00 02:49 AM Re: Pseudo-medical terms
jmh Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 03/22/00
Posts: 1981
Yes my partner is a doctor and I remember a similar list. The local term "NFS" was "normal for Selby". I'll see if I can jog his memory on the other terms.

I think medical humour always has the light touch of the sledgehammer. A combination of long hours, tired people, life and death situations at some times and yet sitting around waiting for something to happen at other times makes humour essential to survival.


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#1351 - 04/22/00 09:15 AM Re: Pseudo-medical terms
paulb Offline
addict

Registered: 03/17/00
Posts: 460
Loc: Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
Hello Phillip:

Here's a wonderful word I came across a little while ago which describes a condition rather than a person:

dejanesia -- the feeling that I've forgotten this before.

Cheers
Paul Bywater


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#1352 - 04/22/00 03:19 PM Re: Pseudo-medical terms
Philip Davis Offline
journeyman

Registered: 04/03/00
Posts: 81
I like it. You can pronouce it so that it's origin isn't obvious, very subtle.


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#1353 - 04/22/00 06:18 PM Re: Pseudo-medical terms
Jackie Offline

Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 03/15/00
Posts: 11609
Loc: Louisville, Kentucky
I love that there is a word for this condition! I think I've heard of it before, but...



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#1354 - 04/23/00 06:47 PM Re: Pseudo-medical terms
jmh Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 03/22/00
Posts: 1981
Not quite as requested but here is something along the same lines that's been floating round the internet.

A transcript of the new answering service recently installed at the Mental Health Institute.
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press - no-one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Seen at: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY - mailto:sub-joke@calder.net



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#1355 - 04/25/00 01:35 AM Gomers
tututu Offline
stranger

Registered: 04/03/00
Posts: 23
Loc: Bellingham, WA USA
(The every other day crisis patient.....client?)
GOMER....Get Out Of My Emergency Room.....

Tu
_________________________
Tu

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#1356 - 04/26/00 09:00 PM Re: Pseudo-medical terms
Philophile Offline
stranger

Registered: 04/26/00
Posts: 9
Loc: Richmond, VA, USA
One of the most provocative pseudomedical terms I've seen I found somewhere on the internet... It was a satirical look at euphemisms that coined a few of its own. The one I have in mind is:

disasterbation (n) The compulsive tendency to examine a situation and come to expect the worst, most painful, most destructive outcome. Paranoia plus cynicism.

[P.]
_________________________
[P.]

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