OK, OK, Mr. I-Need-A-Laugh-At-Milum's-Expence, I'll send an alternate answer to the promoters of alternate lifestyles on National Party Radio and support it with refrences.

Which do you like best?

RETROCAR STARTER - the guy with the gun at an antique car race.

or...

ROARING REFORMER - a person who overreacts with misguided zeal to a slight of society by assuming paternal control of those slighted.