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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636
Carpal Tunnel
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OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636 |
I got this list from a friend. Unfortunately it was not passed cyberly . Truisms 1) A bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two-tired. 2) What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway!) 3) A backward poet writes inverse. 4) In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. 5) A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 6) If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed. 7) With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. 8) Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. 9) When a clock is hungry it goes back for seconds. 10) The man fell into an upholstery machine...he's fully recovered. 11) A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 12) You feel stuck to your debt if you cant budge it. 13) Every calendar's days are numbered. 14) A lot of money is tainted. T'aint yours and t'aint mine. 15) A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. 16) He had a photographic memory that was never developed. 17) A plateau is a high form of flattery. 18) The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 19) Those who are too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. 20) Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. 21) Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. 22) Bakers trade bread secrets on a knead to know basis. 23) Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. 24) Acupuncture is a jab well done. 25) Marathon runners with bad footwear will suffer the agony of defeat.
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605 |
22) Bakers trade bread secrets on a knead to know basis. No, bakers trade bread secrets on a knead to dough basis.
[Being the great-grandson of a baker; I am deeply in-bred.]
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
Blessed is he who is like kneaded dough, for he shall rise again.
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189 |
Now, if only TEd sees this thread...we'll have a whole bookful of new stories!
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636
Carpal Tunnel
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OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636 |
So, Ted.....are you busy writing that book? Yeah. That must be why he hasn't been here and posted yet.
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
Reminds me of the story about King Arthur's Round Table. Lancelot and Gawain decided they were going to go on a quest for the Holy Grail, and went to tell Art about it. The King thought it a great idea, and enquired (in the US he would have inquired) as to the size of their entourage.
Lance and Wain laughed and told the king they intended to travel without any entourage, but the King informed them they had to take at least one squire, since never would any of his knights demean Camelot by traveling without at least one servant.
Off went the two knights and the squire, and several days later they were in the midst of a dark and forbidding forest (no one ever told me what the forest was forbidding, but I'm working on that aspect.) The three of them were quite hungry, and matters were made worse when a sudden thunderstorm blew in. We don't think about this very often today, but a suit of armor is not one of those places you choose to be when the lightning starts.
They finally found an old castle, and hurried themselves yon to seek shelter. The door was opened by a very old and ugly crone who told them they could have shelter, food, and warmth provided that one of them would spend the night making love to her.
Lancelot and Gawain went into a huddle, where they discussed how much this was against their code of chivalry, not to mention the fact that it wasn't a very palatable idea anyway. Finally, Lancelot said to Gawain, "We must get into the castle. Promise her anything but give her our page."
TEd
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
Dear TEd: I wonder if wearing a suit of armor would be hazardous in lightning storm or not, as long as you didn't hold that damned lance up to attract a strike. And if they had a page, they should have done their searching on the Internet.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
TEd considers URLing one of those lances. Or just URLing.
TEd
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Posts: 866
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 866 |
It's better to stand in front of a moving car because, that way, you only get tired. Stand behind it and you get exhausted.
stales
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
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Oh, stales, yer gonna kill me! Ow, ow, ow!
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
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you only get tired
Parm my beg to difermints. If you stand in front of the moving car you first get tired, but then, after you are no longer in front of the car, you get exhausted, too. The worst of both possible worlds.
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old hand
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old hand
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When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and some salt.
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Posts: 5,400
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Oct 2000
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Oh yes, fiberbabe my favorite.. i first heard it as when life hands you lemons... to hell with lemonade, make margaritia's!
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old hand
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old hand
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 833 |
Dammit, now I have to add stales to my harem. There isn't a limit, is there?! (ie, to the number of men a modestgoddess can have in her hair, em?)
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605 |
There isn't a limit, is there?!
One is love; two is adventure; three is promiscuity; four or more is research.
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Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 688
addict
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addict
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 688 |
One is love; two is adventure; three is promiscuity; four or more is research.Hey, ModGod, can I help you research harems?
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
You remind me of ancient joke about why Sultan turned down invitation to play golf.
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addict
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addict
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 688 |
You remind me of ancient joke about why Sultan turned down invitation to play golf.Did I miss something here, or are you waiting for an invitation to tell the joke? If it is the former, PM me...the latter, consider this the invite!
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Joined: Feb 2002
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old hand
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old hand
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 833 |
Hey, ModGod, can I help you research harems?
ABSOLUTELY! Take a number....[wicked grin-e]
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Posts: 104
member
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member
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 104 |
an ugly old crone said they would have to make love to her What do you call an ugly old crone on-the-make? A troll-op.
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