chewing gum is good for you
We can all agree that's bunk, right?

Oops! Researchers at the University of Northumbria [wherever that is] have found that the "repetitive chewing motion" of chewing gum [an activity despised by teachers principally] has "a positive effect on thinking and other cognitive functions". It can "boost memory" proclaims a headline in Friday's Investor's Business Daily.

Next thing you know, teachers will be dispensing gum to students who begin to droop off in class.

Chewing gum increases the heart rate and sends a surge of insulin to the brain. (Seems a waste of all that furtive gum stuck under schoolroom desks everywhere, wouldn't you say?)

Sometimes even teachers can flunk a bunk test.