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OP This will be totally unintelligible to some of you, I'm sure ... It would also work with Englishmen and Welshmen!
A New Zealand ventroloquist is visiting Australia. While he's visiting a small town, he sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.
Ventriloquist: "G'Day Mate! Good looking dog, mate. Mind if I speak to him?"
Aussie: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Kiwi."
Ventriloquist: "Hey dog, how's it going old mate?"
Dog: "I'm Doin' all right."
Aussie: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this Aussie your owner?" (pointing at Aussie).
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good mate - he walks me twice a day, feeds me great tucker and takes me to the lake once a week to play"
Aussie: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Aussie: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either ....I think."
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Aussie: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at Aussie)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regular, brushes me down often and keeps me in a barn to protect me from the rain."
Aussie: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Aussie: "The sheep's a f*****g liar!"
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
I got it, unfortunately
Isn't this where the female joke readers say "That's disgusting!"? [tee-hee] It kind of reminds me of a song a friend of mine sings. I don't think she wrote it, but I googled and couldn't find it. All about a young man from Appalachia going off to college and learning how to spend money on wine, women and song. He convinces his father that he has found someone that can teach their old dog, Blue, to talk. All he needs is a bunch of money. After spending all the money, Christmas break rolls around and the father is so excited. He wants to hear his dog talk. The son and the dog are on the train going home when the son realizes that he's going to have to push the dog off the train and so he does it. When he gets to the station, the father says "Where's ol' Blue?" The son tells him how they were talking up a storm all the way back home. Then ol' Blue started talking about what he'd seen Dad and the neighbor's wife doing in the barn. The son said he thought his dad might not want ol' Blue telling his mom about that, so he pushed him off the train. The dad stood there a minute rubbing his chin. Then he said"Son, I just have one question for you. Did you go back and make sure that dog was dead?"
"Well, I got a dog an' his name is Blue. Bet you five dollars he's a good dog, too."
That is so baaaad. I think somebody is due for a fleecing
The sheep was just going to complain that she didn't get a coat to protect her from the cold after being shorn.
dog...horse...sheep
Whereat's the weasels?
Whereat's the weasels?
I NEVER!!!
Weasel? Somebody must be really worn down.
Whereat's the weasels?
I NEVER!!!
Gee, doc, if I didn't know better, I might think you had a guilty conscience or something...
Well, it seems the most sheepish people like sheep jokes...(and the stingiest people like cheap jokes?) Where's TEd when you need 'im?
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