I, of the convoluted sentences,

My record to date is around 110 words. I was 15 at the time, whatever grade that is, and argued with my History teacher about it. He marked me down from A to A- specifically because of my masterpiece. I remonstrated that it was less than half the length of a certain sentence in Areopagatica. Sadly, this was a fatal flaw in my argument, as he scored the killer punch by simply stating, "you're not Milton." Ah, the hubris of youth!