Ha! Ha! An oldie but and goody. Thanks GTed!
BTW, happy birthday to all the Teddy Bears everywhere who were delivered on this night.
FROM Christmas 2001:
Howye Fokes! How is things? Haven't been around fer a while. Ya see, I gots a job writen articals on drains and gargoyles and that sorta thing. Imagine me worken fer the Gutter Press - me Mammy is really proud.
Listen, on a more seroius note, did ye know that Santy is short of teddies this year? Well, ye do now!
After a tip off from Goldilocks didn't he orgenise a big huge raid on Slasher's - me local bar - ta round up all the Teds. I'll tell ya, the fight what enscewed was only terrable and ya can take it from Ted that that Rudolf fella won't be the only raindeer with a red nose this Christmas.
Anyways, lookily most of us managed ta escape but me pal MadDogTed is still missen. So I thought with it been Christmas and all that I better give ye all a fear warnen.
If MadDogTed ends up in yer Christmas stocken send him straight back ta Slashers Bar - IMMEDIATELY. He's a rear genwine Trouble and Streiff bear and he's not very domistikated, ya see. Don't try ta hug him. Don't put a silly bow on him. Don't call him MadDogTed ta his face and whatever ya do - DON'T take him ta bed with ya. Not if ya have any shame, that is.
Don't be fooled by his cute looks either (he's not half as cute as Ted, of course). Them close-set eyes are a ded give away but if yer still in doubt check his left ear fer a button earing in the shape of a half eaten S. If yer still not sure, look fer the "Made in Haste" label on his back. And if yer a bit thick and still haven't copped on, check that ya still have all yer fingers and that yer wallet is still where ya left it.
So ye have been warned - if ya get him from Santy send him back ta Slasher's with a few bottles of rum fer me troubles. I'll tell ye, me nerves are faught with the worry.
A Happy Christmas ta ye now.
Be seein ya
GallantTe
