Marty:
That wasn't good, it was downright GREAT. It's just too bad that it needs such a limited (and captive) audience.
Ted
Here's one I wrote a few years ago.
God, how I loved that little flower shop. Of course it's closed now. The owner's in St. Elizabeth's. Probably won't get out until sometime after Hinkley does. You remember him, the guy who shot Reagan. President Reagan. Back about twenty five years or so ago. Yeah, most people try to forget.
But I wish you could have seen that little place in its prime. The only flower shop in DC with a revolving door. Like they have in fancy hotels. but it was what was just inside the door that always caught my fancy. George had this great big room about twenty feet square, kind of a lobby I guess you'd have called it. And that room was just full of statues. All of em sheep. George had a thing for sheep.
Now, I have to tell you this right up front. I wasn't there for the sanity hearing. I've read the transcripts, even though they're sealed to protect the public. But I think the public has a right to know. I'll probably go to jail for contempt of court. But I've only got a few months left, so maybe they'll be lenient on me.
Here goes. George's best friend is a guy named Sam, who travels a lot, and hardly ever got back to Washington. But one day, the revolving door dumped Sam into George's lobby, where he was greeted as a long lost brother. "God, Sam, it's good to see you. Want some coffee?"
"Love some, George. Then we can sit in the conversation nook here and catch up." No sooner had they settled in than Sam took a look around. "Interesting room, George. Love the statuary. Particularly that one over in the corner. The alabaster one."
George's eyes lit up. "Yes, that's my favorite of the whole lot, isn't she a beauty? A Merino. I had her specially commissioned a few years ago."
Sam sat for a moment, puzzlement evident on his face. Finally, he spoke, "Gee, George, if she's so special why do you have her hidden in the corner like that behind a potted palm? If I owned that statue I'd have it all by itself with a spotlight on it and special flowers around it. It truly deserves that kind of treatment."
George smiled ruefully. "That's what I thought. But it didn't work. I had her over there opposite the doorway when I first got her. But I had to hide her. It was either that or go bankrupt."
"Huh? Bankrupt? What the hell you talking about, George?"
"Sam, I don't expect you to believe this. But I'll tell you anyway. When I had the Merino over there by herself instead of hidden in the corner the customers stayed away in droves. They'd come in one side of the revolving door, see the statue as the door turned, and keep right on going out the other side. Business was off about 93 percent. Nothing but phone orders. And those were dwindling as word got around."
"Word? What word? George, this doesn't make any sense at all."
"Tell me. I couldn't figure out what it was, so I began calling my best customers and asking them point blank what was wrong. Every one of them told me that the setup in the lobby, with that one statue by itself, gave the whole entryway an aura of perversity. And before you ask, I haven't the slightest idea why. It just did. I pushed her back in the corner there, sent out letters to all my customers, and things are finally turning around a little. Most of them are starting to come back. But, damn it Sam, I do not understand it to this day."
Sam thought for a minute. "Well, George, I guess it proves what Smokey Bear always said. Lonely ewes can pervert florist foyers."
And to this day George drools onto his straight jacket.
