Howye fokes! How is things?

Last Friday the 13th I awoke up ta the sun bursten through the winda and I decided that it were high time fer me ta dust down me summer gear. But as soon as I opened the wardrobe door I was furociously attacked and haff eaten alive by a hoard a starven moths. Lookily, Albear Camoo herd me screems and after the fierce fight what enscewed we managed hobble ta safety. We was fierce traumatized fer sure, but we bravely managed ta get inta the trook and drive ta the hospital fer ta get stitched up.

Well, there we was booten it down the road when suddenly Mr Slasher’s Auntie Maud appeared outta nowhere and started ta flag us down. Albear hit the breaks fer sure, but unlookily they failed and we ploughed straight inta the poor woman, knocken her out stone cold. So we rang Mr Slasher with the terrable news and asked him fer ta come fer ta bring us all ta the hospital. He sed he couldn’t understand what Auntie Maud was doen walken the roads cos she had just been discharged that mornen from the hospital with a cleen billa health and had told him not ta worry cos she’d arranged a lift home.

Anyways, we waited and waited haff ded in the roasten heat fer Mr Slasher ta arrive. When he finally came we got the shocka our lives cos his face was all swelled up and his tongue, what was the size offa turnip, was rollen all over the place in and outta his mouth. Anyways, we managed ta get the gist a what happened ta him - somethin ta do with that gallopen trollop, Goldilocks, snaggen her nylons on a nail stook in one a the bar-stools, a ladder subsequently appearen on the sed nylons, a bee flyen under the sed ladder, a shot-glass suddenly fallen from nowhere on toppa the sed bee, the hysterical bee flyen inta Mr Slasher’s open gob and stingen the daylights outta it.

Lookily, all’s well what ends well and eventually we all got the medical attention we needed and arrived home, fierce quiet but feelen a biteen better in ourselves. Meself and Albear Camoo went straight ta see MadDogTed in case he was worried about where we was all day. Well, we found him still in bed fast asleep oblivious ta all the goens on. He was clutchen his looky rabbit's foot in one little paw and a note in the other. The note sed:

tings 4 2 do on fri 13
1 tell gteb 2 get sum mot spray cos i saw 1 n his room da burty duggers
2 tell aldear camoo 4 2 fix his drakes cos dey is not worken
3 colleck ant maud from da hostipal
4 tell mr slasher 2 remove da nale wot i put in his dar stool 4 2 c if its reel oak btw its not
5 set alarm 4 2 get up early

Well, we was too week fer ta batter the liven daylights outta him - even while he slept - and when he eventually awoke up and found out that his alarm never went off and he’d slept through the hole day, he hugged his looky rabbit’s foot in delight and sed “Is Friday the 13th me looky day or what!”

Be seein ya

GallantTed