Howye fokes! How is things? Me post bag is only bulgen with all yer letters and queries on the Jesus and Mary MacDillon affair – or lack thereof as the case may be. Anyways, I got one very interesten letter from a reader what signs herself as Just Wonderen, from Back the Road what writes:

Dear Ted

I read your column with great pleasure and interest every week and think it’s the best thing since the sliced unlevelled pan. Keep up the good work and I have to agree with you, that Goldilocks is a proper galloping trollop without a doubt… (and all that sorta stuff – she doesn’t quiet stop there but outa modesty I’ll get ta her pint quick – GTed).

Ted, the other day when the sun was shining for 5 minutes, I took my little Joseph to the seaside to give him a chance to play with his new bucket and spade. It was while he was digging happily in the sand that he found these very old looking papers that looked like parchment or something. On closer examination, much to my surprise, I discovered that I’m a product of this Divine Bloodline that everyone is talking about. Yes, Ted, I have the evidence to prove that I am indeed related to Jesus and Mary.

Now Ted, it doesn’t take a great mind to figure out that if I am related, then I’m entitled to an inheritance. So my question to you is, when Jesus died, rose again and then ascended into heaven - did that make Mary a widow or a deserted wife? I mean which allowance was she entitled to? And as I’ve no doubt that in those days it probably took years to sort such claims out, there’s a good chance that it was never resolved in her lifetime and now her descendents are entitled to all the back pay – with interest, of course.

So Ted, I’d be most grateful if you or any of your loyal readers could answer my query as soon as possible. Signed, Just Wondering, Back the Road.

Well, there ye have it fokes. Apply within with yer answers.

Be seein ya

GallantTed