Wordsmith.org: the magic of words

Wordsmith Talk

About Us | What's New | Search | Site Map | Contact Us  

Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#99480 - 03/26/03 09:15 AM Apologies to any lawyers present - -  
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
RhubarbCommando Offline
Pooh-Bah
RhubarbCommando  Offline
Pooh-Bah

Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
I thought the following might cause some amusement:-


Extracts from a book entitled Disorder in the Court.


Q: What is your date of birth?
> A: July 15th.
> Q: What year?
> A: Every year.
>
> ________________________________________

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> ________________________________________
>
> Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> A: I forget.
> Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
>forgotten?
> ______________________________________
>
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
> A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
> Q: How long has he lived with you?
> A: Forty-five years.
>_______________________________________
>
> Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
> that morning?
> A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> Q: And why did that upset you?
> A: My name is Susan.
> ________________________________________
> Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or
> the occult?
> A: We both do.
> Q: Voodoo?
> A: We do.
> Q: You do?
> A: Yes, voodoo.
> _________________________________________
>
> Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
> his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> _________________________________________
>
> Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
>
> __________________________________________
> Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> __________________________________________
> Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And what were you doing at that time?
>________________________________________
>
> Q: She had three children, right?
> A: Yes.
> Q: How many were boys?
> A: None.
> Q: Were there any girls?
> ________________________________________
>Q: Can you describe the individual?
> A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> Q: Was this a male, or a female?
> ____________________________________________
>
> Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
> notice which I sent to your attorney?
> A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ___________________________________________
>
> Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
> A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> ___________________________________________
>
> Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
> A: Oral.
> ___________________________________________
> Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
> A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
> autopsy.
>_______________________________________
>
> Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> __________________________________________
>
> Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
> pulse?
> A: No.
> Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
> A: No.
> Q: Did you check for breathing?
> A: No.
> Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
> the
> autopsy?
> A: No.
> Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
> A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
> law somewhere!!!!






#99481 - 03/26/03 10:24 AM Re: Apologies to any lawyers present - -  
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296
Wordwind Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Wordwind  Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296
Piedmont Region of Virginia, U...
Thanks so much, Rhubarb! The last one's the best!


#99482 - 03/26/03 06:16 PM Re: Apologies to any lawyers present - -  
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
wwh Offline
Carpal Tunnel
wwh  Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Dear RC: an oldie but goodie is:
Have you stopped beathing your wife yet? Answer Yes or No.

I'd like to see some samples of "nisi prius judicial humorist"



Moderated by  Jackie 

Forum Statistics
Forums16
Topics13,878
Posts223,695
Members9,007
Most Online3,341
Dec 9th, 2011
Newest Members
Mallo, drad_dog, Kimi, apma1, bpatterson0032
9007 Registered Users
Who's Online Now
0 registered members (), 50 guests, and 2 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Top Posters(30 Days)
apma1 1
Top Posters(All Time)
wwh 13,858
Faldage 13,803
Jackie 11,613
tsuwm 10,538
LukeJavan8 8,917
AnnaStrophic 6,511
Wordwind 6,296
of troy 5,400
Disclaimer: Wordsmith.org is not responsible for views expressed on this site. Use of this forum is at your own risk and liability - you agree to hold Wordsmith.org and its associates harmless as a condition of using it.

Home | Today's Word | Yesterday's Word | Subscribe | FAQ | Archives | Search | Feedback
Wordsmith Talk | Wordsmith Chat

© 1994-2017 Wordsmith

Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0
Page Time: 0.012s Queries: 13 (0.003s) Memory: 2.6613 MB (Peak: 2.7421 MB) Zlib disabled. Server Time: 2017-06-27 00:18:16 UTC