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#99480 - 03/26/03 09:15 AM Apologies to any lawyers present - -  
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
RhubarbCommando Offline
RhubarbCommando  Offline

Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
I thought the following might cause some amusement:-

Extracts from a book entitled Disorder in the Court.

Q: What is your date of birth?
> A: July 15th.
> Q: What year?
> A: Every year.
> ________________________________________

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> ________________________________________
> Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> A: I forget.
> Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
> ______________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
> A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
> Q: How long has he lived with you?
> A: Forty-five years.
> Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
> that morning?
> A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> Q: And why did that upset you?
> A: My name is Susan.
> ________________________________________
> Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or
> the occult?
> A: We both do.
> Q: Voodoo?
> A: We do.
> Q: You do?
> A: Yes, voodoo.
> _________________________________________
> Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
> his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> _________________________________________
> Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> __________________________________________
> Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> __________________________________________
> Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And what were you doing at that time?
> Q: She had three children, right?
> A: Yes.
> Q: How many were boys?
> A: None.
> Q: Were there any girls?
> ________________________________________
>Q: Can you describe the individual?
> A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> Q: Was this a male, or a female?
> ____________________________________________
> Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
> notice which I sent to your attorney?
> A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ___________________________________________
> Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
> A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> ___________________________________________
> Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
> A: Oral.
> ___________________________________________
> Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
> A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
> autopsy.
> Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> __________________________________________
> Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
> pulse?
> A: No.
> Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
> A: No.
> Q: Did you check for breathing?
> A: No.
> Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
> the
> autopsy?
> A: No.
> Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
> A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
> law somewhere!!!!

#99481 - 03/26/03 10:24 AM Re: Apologies to any lawyers present - -  
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296
Wordwind Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Wordwind  Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296
Piedmont Region of Virginia, U...
Thanks so much, Rhubarb! The last one's the best!

#99482 - 03/26/03 06:16 PM Re: Apologies to any lawyers present - -  
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
wwh Offline
Carpal Tunnel
wwh  Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Dear RC: an oldie but goodie is:
Have you stopped beathing your wife yet? Answer Yes or No.

I'd like to see some samples of "nisi prius judicial humorist"

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