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#97273 02/28/03 09:44 PM
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Here's an e-mail paste a friend sent:

A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN REWORD

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, It's a dead giveaway!)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.



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Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

...When Mother gave birth to twins, she named them Amahl and Juan. Father was overseas, and Mother brought Juan to show him.

"What about the other one?" said Father.

"Oh, they're identical," said Mom, "when you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl..."


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He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
I hadn't heard that one before--ha!

Wofa, just for the halibut: [blowing you a kiss e]
I'm so glad you're here!



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Halibut reminds me of the man who went into business by hinmself, selling fish. He was a sole trader.


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I'd halibut you, too, if I could...


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You'll just have to find the right thyme and plaice.


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this is my Bach's...



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#97280 03/06/03 08:57 PM
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But we're assuming he worked to scale.



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#97281 03/06/03 09:30 PM
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undoubtedly he was Finnish...



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#97282 03/07/03 12:52 AM
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Is that why the album was called "Hooked on Bach"?


#97283 03/12/03 03:51 PM
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I'm floundering for a clever reply . . .

Did you hear about the dizzy Swede who did not know vertigo?


#97284 03/12/03 04:27 PM
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Or the Mexican fireman who called his sons Jose and Hose B?


#97285 03/14/03 09:11 AM
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I didn't tell you the whole story about the fishmonger, though. Eventually, he joined with five other fishmongers in a joint business, so that they could achieve economies of scale.


#97286 03/27/03 11:18 PM
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There's a down side to every duck.


#97287 03/29/03 11:05 AM
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That's true if you look at it eider way.


#97288 03/29/03 11:08 AM
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-- and how about the man who fed the seagulls with cannabis?

He left no tern unstoned.


#97289 03/29/03 01:00 PM
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.. and the physical fitness trainer who left no stern untoned.

Bingley


Bingley
#97290 03/29/03 02:08 PM
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In reply to:

...left no stern untoned.


~Bingley

And for anyone who thinks, "You cain't tone bones," well, just consider a xylophone made of toned bones--a bonophone!


#97291 03/31/03 07:58 AM
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-- or one *made of stones - an essential instrument for any rock band.


#97292 03/31/03 02:21 PM
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There is a stop on the organ called Tibia.

perhaps I should bone up on the etymology . . .


#97293 03/31/03 03:46 PM
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Oh, ho! very humerus

Well - someone had to say it!


#97294 03/31/03 10:45 PM
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Tibia means lukewarm in Spanish.

-Mi trabajo es informar


#97295 04/01/03 01:07 AM
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Tibia means lukewarm in Spanish.

Gracias, consuelo. Now I feel I have a leg up on this. Definitely not the stop to choose for hot jazz licks, eh?




#97296 04/01/03 03:29 AM
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I didn't think there would be any stops in hot jazz licks


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