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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296
Carpal Tunnel
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OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296 |
Here's an e-mail paste a friend sent:
A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN REWORD
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
What's the definition of a will? (Come on, It's a dead giveaway!)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 10,510 Likes: 1
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 10,510 Likes: 1 |
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
...When Mother gave birth to twins, she named them Amahl and Juan. Father was overseas, and Mother brought Juan to show him.
"What about the other one?" said Father.
"Oh, they're identical," said Mom, "when you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl..."
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. I hadn't heard that one before--ha! Wofa, just for the halibut: [blowing you a kiss e] I'm so glad you're here!
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Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
Halibut reminds me of the man who went into business by hinmself, selling fish. He was a sole trader.
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
I'd halibut you, too, if I could...
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Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
You'll just have to find the right thyme and plaice.
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210 |
formerly known as etaoin...
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
But we're assuming he worked to scale.
TEd
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Joined: Jun 2002
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210 |
undoubtedly he was Finnish...
formerly known as etaoin...
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296
Carpal Tunnel
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OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296 |
Is that why the album was called "Hooked on Bach"?
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Posts: 725
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725 |
I'm floundering for a clever reply . . .
Did you hear about the dizzy Swede who did not know vertigo?
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addict
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addict
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 679 |
Or the Mexican fireman who called his sons Jose and Hose B?
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
I didn't tell you the whole story about the fishmonger, though. Eventually, he joined with five other fishmongers in a joint business, so that they could achieve economies of scale.
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old hand
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old hand
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725 |
There's a down side to every duck.
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Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
That's true if you look at it eider way.
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
-- and how about the man who fed the seagulls with cannabis?
He left no tern unstoned.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 3,065 |
.. and the physical fitness trainer who left no stern untoned.
Bingley
Bingley
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296
Carpal Tunnel
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OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296 |
In reply to:
...left no stern untoned.
~Bingley
And for anyone who thinks, "You cain't tone bones," well, just consider a xylophone made of toned bones--a bonophone!
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
-- or one *made of stones - an essential instrument for any rock band.
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old hand
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old hand
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725 |
There is a stop on the organ called Tibia.
perhaps I should bone up on the etymology . . .
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
Oh, ho! very humerus
Well - someone had to say it!
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Posts: 2,636
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636 |
Tibia means lukewarm in Spanish.
-Mi trabajo es informar
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old hand
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old hand
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725 |
Tibia means lukewarm in Spanish.
Gracias, consuelo. Now I feel I have a leg up on this. Definitely not the stop to choose for hot jazz licks, eh?
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636 |
I didn't think there would be any stops in hot jazz licks
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