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#8297 10/17/00 10:35 AM
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It is often said that men and women use English in different ways. Without peeking at their real life details and ignoring those whose names are a dead giveaway, how easy or difficult do you find it to guess the sex (or gender if you prefer) of other posters?

Bingley


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#8298 10/17/00 11:12 AM
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I've found it pretty easy. Men tend to be more aggressive,
and to state facts and their opinions without much regard for how others will be affected. Women tend to make it more of a priority not to cause upsets.


#8299 10/17/00 12:33 PM
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I tend to agree with Jackie. If you look in the Pow Wow thread you will find the following suggestions by Bridget. Suggestions which might be considered touchy-feely by men.

1. If I say/post something that might be seen as critical, best to use a tone/emoticon/turn of phrase/all three! to demonstrate that this is not an out-and-out attack.

2. If I'm still afraid I may have offended someone, deal with it privately. It is much easier to build bridges and get understanding, even if not agreement, without the pressure of doing it in the public eye.


The Pow Wow thread is a good one to spot male/female differences in communication and personal interaction.



#8300 10/17/00 02:25 PM
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Well, sorry if any one does find this offensive, but I don't give a tinker's cuss about the gender of other posters. I would agree that it is often fairly obvious, but if it isn't, what does it matter? It is the quality of the discourse, surely, that is the essence, and either gender can provide that as well as the other.
That is not to say that the inter-genderal reactions (war of the sexes??) do not add a certain je ne sais quoi to the proceedings, which I find instructive and or amusing. Either way, they are a valuable ingredient to this particularly delicious cake.
But most of the time, Scarlett, I just don't give a damn.

We are building the new society on the empty lots of the old


#8301 10/17/00 09:20 PM
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Inerestingly enough, I do give a damn, but I'll be damned if I can explain exactly why. Perhaps it's just natural curiosity, but I find a strong need to ascertain the gender of the person I'm communicating with. After all, with conversation - whether direct or by telephone - we can usually tell the gender of the speaker by the sound of his/her voice. With written correspondence, unless we know the person, we use cues such as the name to suggest gender, and I must admit to being uncomfortable with the "Dear Sir/Madam" scenario in the case of doubt. Being a bit slow picking up clues to gender from expressions of opinion, I find that I resort, mostly sub-consciously, to making assumptions about gender from people's noms de plume, sometimes incorrectly to my subsequent surprise. Sometimes I'll check people's details, sometimes not.

Which raises an interesting thought that has been in the back of my mind for some time? How much of the "real" person do we see behind the personae on our board? Could someone get away with a completely different character from his/her own? Could someone we know actually be several of our well-known contributors at the same time, even exchanging barbs or witticisms with him-herself?? I suspect it's a rare, perhaps non-existent, phenomenon, and I hope that by raising it I haven't detracted from the whole experience. It may even add some mystery for some....


#8302 10/17/00 09:56 PM
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Which raises an interesting thought that has been in the back of my mind for some time? How much of the "real" person do we see behind the personae on our board? Could someone get away with a completely different character from his/her own? Could someone we know actually be several of our well-known contributors at the same time, even exchanging barbs or witticisms with him-herself?? I suspect it's a rare, perhaps non-existent, phenomenon, and I hope that by raising it I haven't detracted from the whole experience. It may even add some mystery for some....

Are you implying that Tsuwm and Jackie are the same person? My, that's a scary though.


#8303 10/17/00 11:46 PM
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Are you implying that Tsuwm and Jackie are the same person? My, that's a scary though.

God Almighty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




#8304 10/18/00 12:22 AM
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Jazzy...I think you have managed to shock a southern lady


#8305 10/18/00 12:38 AM
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shock a southern lady

Damn straight.


#8306 10/18/00 03:42 AM
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well, imagine *my chagrin.


#8307 10/18/00 05:40 AM
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What inspired me to raise this point was mild surprise at finding that Fishonabike was not a woman as I'd thought. There was also someone a while back who I'd thought was a man but turned out to be a woman -- I forget who it was now. Other people have expressed confusion about some people's sex where I thought it was pretty obvious.

As far as the quality of the content of posts is concerned, of course it doesn't matter, but in real life conversations it's rare to be mistaken about a person's sex. I can't speak for others, but I do build up a mental picture of regular posters and it can be disconcerting to find out that I'm wrong about something so basic.

Bingley


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#8308 10/18/00 06:24 AM
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>>After all, with conversation - whether direct or by telephone - we can
usually tell the gender of the speaker by the sound of his/her voice

When I was reading lots of written examinations (hundreds of students) I was trying to guess the sex from the way in which they write (by hand - the keyboard make us more similar).
There were a lot of not predictable sexes - but 2 extremal behaviours: round, ordered, clean, sometimes with small circles (instead of the dot) over the "i" was always female; in the other part, the most confused, hardly readable was always male (like refusing any rule). I was wondering how much this difference was given or forced by education.
Ciao
Emanuela


#8309 10/18/00 07:06 AM
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>When I was reading lots of written examinations..<
This reminds me of the times when my late father (who was an arts teacher) brought home the works of his pupils to judge. I always suspected him of looking at the names (i.e. gender) before judging the drawings, and suggested we first guess before looking.


#8310 10/18/00 11:58 AM
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> How much of the "real" person do we see behind the personae on our board?
This question interests me too. If I take me as an example I don't think I can entirely getaway from who I am, even in cyberspace. When I first got on the net I thought it would be different, but I was surprised that my interaction followed the same pattern. If I am sometimes very quiet and at other times extremely talkative in reality; it is the same in virtuality (??).

> Could someone get away with a completely different character from his/her own?
I have a friend who comes across as a different person when he writes. Not deliberately so, but the medium of writing triggers a different style of expression. The writing suggests a different person and the physical behaviour the complete opposite. I think this could happen.



#8311 10/18/00 02:43 PM
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> Could someone get away with a completely different character from his/her own?

I have been wondering about this, too. The con-artist in me would love to get away with it - this is the same part of me that would love to sell the Eiffel Tower for scrap metal to some unsusoecting multi-millionaire.
I don't think I could do it - not if I were to keep contributing at the rate that seems to be my norm. I am sure that I would give myself away.
But think of the arguments I could have with myself - it's a tempting thought.

So beware of any strangers joining from this point on!!



#8312 10/18/00 02:54 PM
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I tend side with Marty on the 'wish to know' gender issue. It doesn`t make a huge difference in how I interact with people (it is so much simpler to remain oneself no matter who you talk/write to) but it does make a difference in how I interpret what I see.

Men and women do not communicate in the same manner (similar opinion brought up in previous thread). Men often communicate in more of a bulldozer fashion. If a man throws in a "oh, ya, take that!" type of comment or is aggressive in his opinion I don't take it personally. That`s what guys do.

If a woman responds in this manner I will make a point of finding out if I have upset her since this is not the way women typically communicate.

Perhaps I am generalizing, but isn`t the way we react to things based on past experience. And how many books are there out there that talk about the differences in the way men and women communicate.

I also think knowing the gender/name/hobbies adds a personal touch to an electronic medium. I am talking to people, not names on a board. If you don`t create a person behind the name you are simply writing to a machine.



#8313 10/18/00 03:13 PM
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Are you implying that Tsuwm and Jackie are the same person? My, that's a scary though.

I thought there was something fishy going on there


#8314 10/18/00 03:24 PM
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I have to admit that I also prefer to know the gender of the person to whom I speak, electronically or personally. I find it quite disconcerting to learn after communicating with someone that I had misjudged their gender. Have you ever spoken face to face with a person and been unable to determine their sex from their physical appearance and voice? Now that's confusing!


#8315 10/18/00 03:27 PM
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I thought there was something fishy going on there

Why, xara, did you think they were recycling each other?


#8316 10/18/00 03:40 PM
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actually™, you're getting uncomfortably close to the truth® -- Jackie and I collaborated to create "shona".


#8317 10/18/00 05:38 PM
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Jackie and I collaborated

Posted another untruth, I see. I doubt that anyone will believe your statement, since it is obvious from the quality of your posts that you would not need or want to
collaborate with someone whom you consider feckless.

Interestingly, the nickname shona brings to mind that old pop song, "My Sherona".


#8318 10/18/00 07:55 PM
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All right, them are fighting words. Who said you were feckless. You`re as feckled as they come. Why, I`ve never SEEN anyone with more feckleness. You are the epitome of fecklenosity. Mumble mumble mumble....


#8319 10/18/00 08:12 PM
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okay, let's see if I can defuse this before it gets hot (since ignoring it hasn't worked :). I think it was Jo who suggested several possible romantic pairings, one of which was Jackie and I. my typically prolix response was that I prefer the feckful and taciturn type (read strong and silent); Jackie inferred that I was calling her the opposite, that is, feckless. fyi, feckful is mostly Scottish in usage, in the sense of vigorous or powerful.

anyway, mea maxima culpa.


#8320 10/18/00 08:34 PM
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Feck---what the heck.

THANK YOU, belMarduk! MUCHLY appreciated!

Tsuwm, I appreciate your "mea culpa". I notice that you say nothing to the effect that my inference was incorrect.
You are certainly entitled to your opinion. I must say that it is one I would prefer not to have found out, but will deal. Perhaps you could just skip my posts. No hard feelings here.

An amusing aside: more than once, in attempting to type
feckless or --ful, I found I had typed a 'u' in place of
the first 'e'!


#8321 10/18/00 09:29 PM
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An amusing aside: more than once, in attempting to type
feckless or --ful, I found I had typed a 'u' in place of
the first 'e'!


Apropos of absolutely nothing (as is my wont), the correct pronunciation of the very common Maori word "whaka" is basically indistinguishable from F*cka - some Anglo NZers are reluctant to pronounce it properly for that reason.



#8322 10/18/00 09:38 PM
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...the correct pronunciation of the very common Maori word "whaka" is basically indistinguishable from F*cka - some Anglo NZers are reluctant to pronounce it properly for that reason.

Yes Max, I can identify with that. I recall my mothers' reaction when I telephoned her during one of my NZ holidays to tell her I was going to Whakapapa.


#8323 10/18/00 09:58 PM
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Yes Max, I can identify with that. I recall my mothers' reaction when I telephoned her during one of my NZ holidays to tell her I was going to Whakapapa.

There was a Maori comedian who had a character called "Abe Whakatawhainau" - if the surname is pronounced properly, and fast, it sounds exaclty like "F*cked If I Know" - although that can't quite match the incestuous nightmare you gave your poor mother!
(As an interesting aside, the English word that comes closest to translating "whakapapa" is genealogy) Coincidence?


#8324 10/19/00 01:44 AM
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Completely off-topic (!):

I have a tape of bird songs that includes the call of the
South American chakalaka (I think--can't check the sp., the tape is on loan to a friend), so called because of the sound it makes. But to my English-attuned ears, this bird's call sounds exactly like "wrap-it-up". Amazing.


#8325 10/19/00 03:49 PM
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The writing suggests a different person and the physical behaviour the complete opposite. I think this could happen.

Hi Avy,
Yes I think this does happen, and not just when writing. In different contexts, when partaking in different activities, and especially when in different groups, we all adopt slightly different personae. In some cases the personae can appear significantly different from an outside perspective.

But what we have to remember is that all these personae are genuine aspects of one "real" person.

OK, I'm conveniently disregarding deliberate pretence/assumption of personae, but that's because, as belM implies, it's such hard work to maintain this kind of act that I think it's a relatively uncommon occurrence. More to the point, it's socially risky and, in the long term, probably not much fun!





#8326 10/19/00 04:04 PM
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mild surprise at finding that Fishonabike was not a woman as I'd thought

Bingley,

Given Jackie & belM's summaries of sex differences -
I'm honoured!

Uh, I think.

Shona


#8327 10/19/00 04:09 PM
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Jackie and I collaborated to create "shona".

And what a fine creation!
I only wish you'd decided what sex to make me first.



#8328 10/19/00 04:14 PM
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shona brings to mind that old pop song, "My Sherona".


Exactly my first association! Thought it would be a bit too obscure to mention, though obviously not to my creatrix..

P.S. Song by The Knack, I believe, c. 1978??



#8329 10/19/00 04:18 PM
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The Knack

Knackered already, shona, and still only a Journeyperson?


#8330 10/19/00 05:54 PM
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here is something I found in an online college slang handbook... pretty funny!


my sherona (adj)

Out of style (more for 80s fashion). Check it out! That is so my sherona! [Northern Illinois University, 1998]

http://www.csupomona.edu/~jasanders/slang/csrpm.htm

#8331 10/19/00 09:44 PM
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And who brought you here? Don't I at least deserve 'godmother' or 'auntie' status or something?
What am I, chopped liver?


#8332 10/19/00 09:47 PM
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Is "My Sherona" the tune resurrected in the U.S. by a car company for its annoying commercials "My Toyota"?


#8333 10/19/00 10:01 PM
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#8334 10/19/00 11:41 PM
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Knackered already, shona, and still only a Journeyperson?

Yeah, mate - but check out how quickly I clocked up the miles!
Oo, me flippers...


#8335 10/19/00 11:47 PM
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Don't I at least deserve 'godmother' or 'auntie' status or something? What am I, chopped liver?

Help mummy, daddy! Scarey lady wants a hug!!





#8336 10/19/00 11:50 PM
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tsuwm, not only are you my were-daddy - you're also the research king!



#8337 10/19/00 11:53 PM
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That is so my sherona!

Arrrkkk!
I grow old
I grow old
I shall wear the bottom of my trousers
rollmop herring


#8338 10/20/00 12:03 AM
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tsuwm, .... you're also the research king!

Quoting your scary auntie without credit, eh? Ah, it's the fate of the creative to be wantonly plagiarized [sigh]


#8339 10/20/00 03:38 AM
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Ah, it's the fate of the creative to be wantonly plagiarized [sigh]

I can't see the word "plagiarise" without hearing Tom Lehrer's infectious little ditty: "Plagiarise, let no one else's work evade your eyes."


#8340 10/20/00 05:53 AM
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Hi Anna..
No reason to complain, really. Better to be plagiarized twice than never quoted.


#8341 10/20/00 07:46 AM
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Yup.

Presumably you made the inference that the car company in question is Toyota? Or is it a deep-rooted Ford/GM conspiracy to get viewers so irritated with Toyota that they never buy their products again?

cheer

the sunshine warrior


#8342 10/20/00 09:05 AM
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I fear I neglected to mention:
I luuuuuuuuurve "chopped" liver, especially in a nice rich gravy, accompanied by mash & peas. And especially at this time of year.

So yes, Anna, you are chopped liver.





#8343 10/20/00 09:18 AM
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Tom Lehrer, max - now you're dang tootin' !
(bet no one really talks like that)

Masochism Tango was always one of my favourites
(which probably has some connection to my almost instantaneous addiction to this Board ):

I ache for the touch of your lips, dear
But much more for the touch of your whips, dear
You can raise whelts
Like nobody else
As we dance to the Masochism Tango

What album is 'Plagiarize' off?


#8344 10/20/00 09:42 AM
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the fate of the creative

Auntie,
Did you ever refer to tsuwm as a were-daddy?
You did not.
Did you ever refer to him as a king?
You did not.
Did you ever mention the words "researcher" and "tsuwm" in the same sentence (and maybe some other words such as "awesome", "intelligent" and "charismatic") ?
Just possibly, but I may have come to the same conclusions totally independently; in a similar way to (for instance) fire having been discovered in many places at the same time.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case!




#8345 10/20/00 10:33 AM
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I've had a good old thunk* about the matters raised in this thread, which mostly relate to getting a suss on the people behind the personae (check out Avy's Impersonet bit); and I've come to an interesting conclusion.

A Board where people operate under pseudonyms and are not obliged to reveal any more about themselves than they wish is a bit like a masquerade. But this isn't a masquerade in the negative sense of a sham, I think. The ability to enter a new community free of past associations and preconceptions can actually be tremedously liberating. In some ways, it gives participants the chance to be more themselves than may have been possible for some time.

It's possible that among the aforementioned limiting preconceptions (and yes, it has to be said that these have often been accepted rather than imposed) are those that relate to a person's sex. In the context of a Board, even these preconceptions can be avoided - without recourse to elaborate disguises! This may be important to some people.

IMHO this has the potential to end up a bit like a Shakespearian comedy (although those are restricted to women playing men I believe), but there's no harm in that. There is, however, a lot of entertainment value in the fundamental mystery, the gradual revelation, and even the odd faux-pas if handled with sensitivity and (above all) a sense of humour!

*thunk (n): like a THINK, but deeper


#8346 10/20/00 11:15 AM
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like a Shakespearian comedy

Thanks, I don't mind if I do! But the real magic is to recognise the multi-layered spectacle of the original Elizabethan companies: a boy, playing a female role, who then gets disguised as a man...


#8347 10/20/00 11:20 AM
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plagiarize

Don't ever forget the words of a maestro on this subject:

Bad artists copy. Great artists steal.
Picasso



#8348 10/20/00 12:08 PM
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: "Plagiarise, let no one else's work evade your eyes."

I particularly like his instruction, "-- but make sure you call it research!"

BTW, my favourite has to be the delightfully gruesome "Irish Folk Song" (or some such title) - Rikkety-Ticketty-Tin


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Rikkety-Ticketty-Tin

Ooh! I heard that at the same place I did Cool Water!
Can't recall it exactly just now, but it is hair-raising:
builds up the suspense, and just creeps you out with that
slow, inexorable refrain.


#8350 10/22/00 06:39 PM
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>Better to be plagiarized twice than never quoted.

I thought I'd take this opportunity to quote wseiber "Better to be plagiarized twice than never quoted".


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I enjoy the fact that my real identity is not known to the casual reader. I'd hate someone I worked with to read the board and argue with me in the real world about things I may have said in the virtual world. In some ways it offers a parallel universe where it is possible to behave slightly differently to the way one might be expected to behave in the real world.

I think it would be hard to behave in a way which was completely out of character but we all have the ability to play different roles in different groups.

Part of the adventure in life is to be allowed to take risks. I have considered letting my "character" die, so I can come back as someone else but I think I have been around too long now and it would feel fraudulent. On the other hand ....


#8352 10/22/00 06:51 PM
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>Suggestions which might be considered touchy-feely by men.

I have worked with quite a few people in the counselling world and some of the most touchy-feely people I have met have been men!

I've read "Men are from Mars etc..." and can think of lots of instances where both sets of behaviour have been displayed in couples but the roles have been crossed over.

I'd like to think that RhubarbCommando is right and gender doesn't matter ... but then I think would a man have cared about the subject so much to have said that?


#8353 10/22/00 11:49 PM
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I thought I'd take this opportunity to quote wseiber "Better to be plagiarized twice than never quoted".

Or to quote jmh: "Better to be plagiarised twice than never quoted".

This has now become research, promising to develop into a fine list of references for my Log.D. dissertation.

lusy logologue (or should that be chuggalug?)


#8354 10/23/00 05:40 AM
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In reply to:

a boy, playing a female role, who then gets disguised as a man


And if the screenplay of "Shakespeare in Love" had been based around another play we could have had a female pretending to be a male pretending to be a female pretending to be a male. Or did they just think this would make the audience's brains hurt too much?

Bingley



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Jo

Wouldn't have you figured for a masquerader here. Do you really think there's that much of a difference between jmh and Jo the Scottish Boudicca (or whatever it is you are in 'real' life)?

I tend to be 'myself' (whatever that may be) on all Boards/e-mails etc. Perhaps I'm not adventurous enough. Or perhaps it would just make me feel like a sneak. I dunno.

cheer

the sunshine warrior


#8356 10/23/00 09:49 AM
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>Scottish Boudicca

How nice, I'd like to be a Scottish Boudicca. I'll just go and brush up on my scary faces, I'm a bit low on woad. Unfortunately I'm not Scottish, merely English (cf Canadian v United Statesian conversation).


#8357 10/23/00 10:13 AM
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>Jo suggested several possible romantic pairings

It wasn't necessarily romantic. More like a pair of old gloves, one old hand just isn't enough! Glad to see you've been promoted!


#8358 10/23/00 11:50 AM
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< Plagiarize>

I've just checked the covers of all my Tom Lehrer albums and I think it comes from the song "Lobachevsky" on "Tom Lehrer discovers Australia" [recorded in 1960, and I was at one of his Melbourne concerts where he sang Be prepared which was, at the time, officially banned in Australia if I remember correctly.] It's too late for me to play the album now -- I'll check it out tomorrow -- don't want to annoy the neighbours!!



#8359 10/23/00 03:56 PM
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merely English

merely English indeed!

What's wrong with being an English Boudicca? Or indeed the English Boudicca?!

Harumph!

(that "mad" emoticon keeps reminding me of Thomas the Tank Engine for some reason. The doesn't, though. Wonder why?)






#8360 10/23/00 04:01 PM
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Lobachevsky

Brilliant. That's enough for me to be going on with, thanks.
Oh yes, I remember "Be Prepared" I think - early anti-nuclear song of sorts wasn't it?

It's amazing; you can't believe what's been banned in the past - even/especially in countries that are now seen as fairly liberal. Times really have changed, and perhaps we should appreciate the fact more.
(famous last words!)


#8361 10/23/00 04:10 PM
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>>"Be Prepared"

I thought 'Be Prepared' was the Boy Scouts motto.


aside: I never did figure out why they call the fish-man Shona...


#8362 10/23/00 04:21 PM
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would a man have cared about the subject so much to have said that?

Yes! In fact, I think I did, more or less.

But am I more fish or bike?
You tell me.
And then tell me which of those is more Mars and which Venus!



#8363 10/23/00 05:14 PM
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> Glad to see you've been promoted!

thanks... but as I've posted elsewhen regarding titles and counting posts, feh!


#8364 10/23/00 05:16 PM
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>merely English indeed!

It's a survival mechanism, maybe a little tongue in cheek. Us ex-pats have to know our place!



#8365 10/23/00 06:37 PM
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That's funny - stereo - I thought I'd replied to Rhubarb.

>But am I more fish or bike?
You tell me.
And then tell me which of those is more Mars and which Venus

Fish are obviously Venus and bikes are obviously Mars, even a fool could tell you that!


#8366 10/23/00 10:18 PM
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Us ex-pats have to know our place!

Doesn't stop my good friend fighting his corner - and he's an "ex-pat" Scot down here in the sunny South!




#8367 10/23/00 10:43 PM
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why they call the fish-man Shona...

You're not the first to ask. Fishonabike.




#8368 10/24/00 09:13 AM
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I thought I'd replied to Rhubarb
Sorry. I thought it was an open comment, Jo.
Byee





#8369 10/24/00 10:44 AM
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<plagiarise>

Yep, it was Lobachevsky.

and, xara, re Be prepared: the liner notes say that the Police Commissioner in Queensland (one of our more forward-looking States) advised Mr Lehrer not to sing the song; however, he did so and the Boy Scout movement continued to thrive.


#8370 10/24/00 04:51 PM
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>I thought it was an open comment

No worries, I suppose they all should be open comments.


#8371 10/24/00 08:41 PM
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>I thought it was an open comment

No worries, I suppose they all should be open comments.


They are. Open to misinterpretation.


#8372 10/25/00 10:51 AM
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Oh, Dear! So many things I want to take up - like the man on the way to San Jose, I've been away too long, too long.

would a man have cared about the subject so much to have said that?

Yes, I know men who care enough to say that - have been there when they've said it. PLenty of men in the Trades Union care a great deal, I have found. (As well as even more who use female rights/equality issues as a platform to boost their male egos!) The Women's Studies course at Lancaster Uni usually has one or two males on it - whjo invariably get a bad time from the militant femininsts on the course, but who care deeply for the cause of equal ops, etc.
(end of rant )

Lobachesky
Nicholai Ivanovich Lobachesky was his name!

Be Prepared was a wickedly funny send up of the Boy Scout movement, full of "advice" to young men starting out and about to "slide down the razor-blade of life." It include the advice, "Don't solicit for your sister, it's notnice/ Unless you get a fair percentage of her price."; "Don't write dirty words on walls if you can't spell,"; and finished with the absolutely invaluable advice to any young man, "If you're looking for adventure of a new and different kind,/ And you find a fellow Girl-Scout who is si ilarly inclined, / Don't bashful, don't be nervous, don't be scared: / BE PREPARED !







#8373 10/26/00 01:02 AM
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> It is often said that men and women use English in different ways.

Hi Bingley,
You had started the thread with above sentence. I was wondering whether you know anything more about this? I tried to LIU but could not develop a proper search string. Thanks



#8374 10/26/00 01:32 AM
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It is often said that men and women use English in different ways.

Hi Bingley,
You had started the thread with above sentence. I was wondering whether you know anything more about this? I tried to LIU ...


Avy, I can't speak for what Bingley meant, but I thought of an example I once heard, relating to the way we get (or don't get) our expectations across. A wife tells her husband the light bulb above the sink needs to be changed.
He says uh huh, and continues on about his business. These lines are repeated every night for a week, until she finally explodes and says Why in the world haven't you changed that light bulb? And he says, in honest perplexity,
why didn't you ask me to?


#8375 10/26/00 06:06 AM
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>I tried to LIU

Hi Avy

I think think the key is "it is often said" ... Any UK or US (I expect) bookshop is full of shelves of books on the subject. Have a browse around Amazon.com or your favourite on-line bookshop and you'll find tomes on the subject.

"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" is looking a bit dog-eared now but has spawned (those fishy words keep coming up!) myriads of sucessors. Add to that a few thousand academic theses and you could be buried in paper for some time.

And the conclusion to all that: "It is often said that men and women use English in different ways".


#8376 10/26/00 07:32 AM
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Avy

Jo's analysis is excellent, but I'm not sure if I'd be happy to leave you with the notion that Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is some sort of standard reference text. For really good writing on the difference between male and female communication styles, I'd recommend Deborah Tannen. Her two books That's not what I meant and You just don't understand are brilliantly insightful and informative. The latter focuses solely upon male-female differences, while the former is more general - dealing with all sorts of cultural variations in conversational style. Importantly, neither is full of simplistic analyses, or easy solutions.

She has also, more recently, published a book called The Argument Culture. I haven't read it (yet?), but it may be worth seeking out - almost definitely available on Amazon et al.

cheer

the sunshine warrior


#8377 10/26/00 08:10 AM
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>some sort of standard reference text

No, more a fashion accessory. I looked it up on Amazon and see you can get the book, the tape, the video, the computer game, the t-shirt, the set of matching towels ...

It's a bit like Bridget Jones, eventually you have to read it, otherwise you don't understand the references people make to it.

Shanks -

What do you think about "The Selfish Gene"?


#8378 10/26/00 08:13 AM
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Poster Sex-

All I think of when I see this thread is this year's "Wonderbra" poster which featured a Wimbledon tennis player. It shows the power of advertising. I just can't take it seriously!


#8379 10/26/00 09:09 AM
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What do you think about "The Selfish Gene"?

The book or the idea? Actually I think that both are great. I am a huge fan of Dawkins and have read most of his stuff. Of course, The Selfish Gene was published in the mid/late '70s, so may be slightly out of date - though I think they have done a revised edition recently. I am currently tempted to buy the (apparently) more scholarly follow up - The Extended Phenotype (published 1981 or some such). Let's see. Evolution fascinates me, and I'm currently in the middle of two books on it...

cheer

the sunshine warrior


#8380 10/26/00 09:11 AM
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Was it just any old Wimbledon player - or was it the one and only Kounikova, over whom so many men seem prepared to drool, dribble, spout drivel etc?


#8381 10/26/00 09:18 AM
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>over whom so many men seem prepared to drool, dribble, spout drivel etc?

Precisely, poster sex !



#8382 10/27/00 12:59 AM
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why didn't you ask me to?

Brilliant!
Give me a simple little story like that rather than an ocean of books any day!

(Martian) Fish on a (Venusian) Bike




#8383 10/27/00 05:40 AM
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Avy, if you can't get hold of the books various people have mentioned, you could try a search on Google with the terms psycholinguistics, male, female. Not all the references will be spot on, but trust in serendipity.

Bingley


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#8384 10/27/00 10:11 AM
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Thanks all


#8385 10/27/00 11:03 AM
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..And he says, in honest perplexity,
why didn't you ask me to?

..They must have been married for more than seven years .
No, I don't think that this has much to do with psycholinguistics. I would file it under "defence mechanisms".




#8386 10/27/00 11:35 AM
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I think the woman in question would be helped enormously by this advice and the updated version also included:
http://users.erols.com/cozy/50swoman.html


#8387 10/27/00 12:12 PM
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Thank you for the search suggestion Mr Bingley. The first item that came up was an analysis of the papers written on the subject and was particularly interesting. I particularly liked one of the writer's conclusions which was what I was trying to say all along:

"Whatever, it now seems obvious that a crass distinction between male and female anything, let alone language, is not going to be particularly helpful for analysis of human behaviour."


#8388 10/27/00 12:19 PM
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"a crass distinction between male and female anything"

Ah. How pregnant with meaning is that delicately phrased 'anything'. Notice how 'anythings' would have been coarse.


#8389 10/28/00 03:20 PM
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and I'm currently in the middle of two books on it...


This can only mean that you have finished the one on your right and haven't started the one on your left.



#8390 10/28/00 03:23 PM
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(Martian) Fish on a (Venusian) Bike

If you are a Martian Fish, you must be a fish out of water. And Venus is a real gas, they tell me - - -


#8391 10/28/00 03:28 PM
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Thanks for that link, Jo - I'm still grinning! (if a little wryly!)


#8392 10/30/00 08:31 AM
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>.. How pregnant with meaning <
The trouble is, as soon as you say something pregnant with meaning, people start guessing at your ah, gender.


#8393 10/30/00 08:53 AM
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My hidden ah gender?


#8394 10/30/00 08:58 AM
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In the middle?

In between!!

Halfway through each of...?

Aaaargghh. How inadequate is this language of Shakespeare's!



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