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Joined: Jun 2000
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Official judges' report:

'We were impressed by Max's new zeal and enthusiasm, but in the end we realised Jackie's for US.

So the verdict is - Jackie, Max is out!'




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Jackie, Max is out

No, he ain't--I've handcuffed him to me. If he's out,
I'm out. I ain't standin' on this-here podium
bah mahsay-ulf!
(OUCH! Max, stop that tugging! Stop it, I say!)


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Here's a small tribute to the winner/s (with apologies to Lewis Carroll):

The Jackie and the Quordlepleen
were posting on the board.
They smiled with glee at all the words
they had within their hoard.
‘If these were ever cleared away,’
they said, ‘We would be bored.’

‘The time has come now,’ Jackie said,
‘To talk of many words.
Of tenses — YARTS — and similes —
of anagrams — and glurds —
and welcomes to the posters new —
and fish on bikes — and nerds.

"But, wait a bit, Old Hand,’ said Max,
‘Before we finish here,
D’ye think the others may catch up —
They’re getting mighty near?’
‘I doubt it.’ said our Cheshire Cat
and grinned from ear to ear.


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I admire paulb's gentle eulogy a great deal; however, I feel that an epic victory demands an epic poem

with apologies to Lord Macaulay

How Jacqulynia swept the Board

The Max Q, of down under, by the ninth tense has sworn
That the grand prize of jmh would off by him be borne
By the ninth tense he swore it, and wore the night away
And bade his messages go forth, East and West and South and North,
To scatter disarray.

East and West and South and North the messages went fast
And all the noble posters noted he was first to blast.
Shame on the false awad-er who lingers in their bed
When Max Q of down under has said what he has said.

in the interests of brevity, we switch to the beleaguered gates of Home page

Then up spake brave Jacqulynia, the keeper of the board,
“To everyone upon this site, this challenge strikes a chord;
What better way of posting than by facing dreadful bods
Who mangle our pure language with words like ‘dames’ and ‘rods.’”

“I’ll put in my bridge, Sir Consul, with all the speed I may;
With a pair of words beside me, this upstart I will flay.
In yon strait thread, a thousand may well be stopped by me
I’ll take a mouse in either hand and write a word or three.”

Once more, the interests of brevity demand a jump through hyperspace

They gave her of the board space which was of common right
As much as three strong fishes could cycle from morn ‘til night
And builded her a statue, with her story writ on high
And there it stands until this day, to witness if I lie




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apologies to Joyce Kilmer, Mad® and Schlitz®

I think that I shall never hear
A poem lovelier than beer.
.
.
Poems are made by fools, I fear
But only Hoegaarden can make a beer.



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Jacqulynia swept the Board

This is certainly appropriate, since I am now a mess-handler!


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now a mess-handler!

... but glad to hear you've got the rubber gloves, old hand!


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(Sorry Sam)

I heard, and in my soul discern'd
two voices in the air

"Is it he?" quoth one, "is this the Max?"

The other was a softer voice
As soft as honey-dew:
Quoth he, "The Max hath penance done,
And penance more will do."

Forthwith my this frame of mine was wrench'd
With a woful agony,
Which forced me to begin my tale;
And then it left me free.

Since then at an uncertain hour,
That agony returns,
And till my ghastly tale is told,
This heart within me burns.

He playeth best, who keepeth best
All rules both great and small.


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'We were impressed by Max's new zeal and enthusiasm'

Very droll, but here's the real test: New Zealand has two official languages, can you pull a stunt like that with the other official name for my country? If you need help spelling it, check my profile. Consider this challenge Max's revenge - open to all, prizes (penalties?) to be determined. The challenge will run for a sennight starting now, that is 06/10/2000 22:37 ITC (GMT for the traditionalists)


#7163 10/06/00 09:47 PM
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hmmm... difficult, but not impossible.

when I were a lad, we had a dog, a setter, named Mao and my baby sister had a lop-eared rabbit named Oarl. Mao was as gentle as the proverbial lamb, except that he would tear a rabbit a new ear-hole given the chance. well, one day the rabbit ran and sis came home in tears, screaming:
"Mao tear Oarl's ear!"



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