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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 107
member
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member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 107 |
Woman: Travel Hair Dryer: Portable/compact tool for drying hair while traveling
Man: Great tool for melting ice out of keyhole in car, (make sure you have a long enough extension cord that reaches half way up the driveway.) be sure to leave in the house. Also used for removing tape residue from any surface.
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
LID n. (lid)
Male: device for covering container (box, jar, etc) securely, by pressing down or screwing on, to ensure that contents remain inside.
Female: decorative thingee (see above) for placing lightly on top of container, so that contents will spill when anyone tries to move it
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819 |
Hair dryer
No! My German neighbor, Herr Dreyer is!
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,692
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,692 |
(blue)“ROFLMAO!! Now I suppose one of us maligned males has to compile a list from the masculine point of view. How about it, guys?”(/blue). Damn - that colouring process didn't work!
Well how about this, recently received from a lady correspondent in San Francisco. I have been egged on by “of Troy” to publish and be damned:
Instructions for men about women's keywords and their meanings:
"FINE"
This is the word women use at the end of an argument, when they know they are right, but want to shut you up. Also note that you should never use "Fine" to describe how a woman looks if you actually haven't really thought about it. She will recognize it as brain-dead patronizing when you are supposed to be in smooth-talking complimentary mode. This will cause you to have a bad day.
"FIVE MINUTES"
This is at least half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
"NOTHING"
"Nothing" is used to communicate that you had better figure out really fast what is wrong and fix it. You must do this without input from the woman because,if she has to explain what is wrong, she will be even more angry. Speed is of the utmost importance. Mentally backtrack through recent events for clues.Even if you can't figure it out, apologize and look pathetic. Otherwise
"Nothing" will signify an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."
"GO AHEAD" (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."
"GO AHEAD" (normal eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she gets over being depressed about your display of gross insensitivity to her needs.
"LOUD SIGH"
A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."
"SOFT SIGH"
"Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe.
"OH"
"Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get the raised eyebrows "GO AHEAD," followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.
"THAT'S OKAY"
This is one of the most dangerous interim statements. "THAT'S OKAY" means that she wants to think long and hard about appropriate retributions for what you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine," and in conjunction with the raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." At some point in the future, when she thoroughly discussed your callous deeds with all of her friends, and considered their combined input, you are going to be so sorry.
"PLEASE DO"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to change your mind and decide not to do whatever you were going to do. When making this decision you must combine it with statements about how much she means to you and how that influenced your decision to not do whatever she said to "Please do."
"THANKS"
It is counterintuitive but actually the woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just hug her and tell her you love her and remember to do the same thing again soon.
"THANKS A LOT"
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400 |
make the brackets square brackets..[ to open and ] to close..
and yes that is cute... i got in a email recently!
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 477
addict
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addict
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 477 |
Damn - that colouring process didn't work!
But this does... WELCOME  to you dxb - glad to have you with us.
For MaxQ's helpful hints about colours, idiosyncrasies etc., go to the Information & Announcements Forum, and go to the thread called Helpful Hints & FAQs Take 2
Hev
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 2,891
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 2,891 |
Rhu, to add to your post  SEAT n. Male: the open circle on the toilet that is always up leaning against the lid. Female: the open circle on the toilet that is always down, on which you lower the lid when company comes.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
Then there is the small male who has been taught not to pee on the seat, who leaves it up in middle of the night, where either mom or pop gets an unpleasant surprise in the dark a bit later.
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803 |
either mom or pop gets an unpleasant surprise
One would think that mom or pop would have learned by now to look before sitting.
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
have learned by now to look before sitting
Hades, no! At that time of night, a) you haven't the energy or wakefulness to open eyes and
b) if you did, "in the dark of the night", tha'd see nowt any road!
(and "touché", bel!)
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