|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296
Carpal Tunnel
|
OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296 |
Dear wwh,
I think you could give James Herriot a run for his money, were he still here, with your own tales from the world of healers. Your tales would have a different twist, but creatures is creatures, and you've got awfully entertaining ones in your brain!
Best regards,
WordWon
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 872
old hand
|
|
old hand
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 872 |
Dear wwh,
I think you could give James Herriot a run for his money...
-wordwindYeah, yeah WW, your goodbuddy wwh's story was cute. But what about Capital Kiwi's great trifle story. I could edit it, give his ex-wife and his ex-mother-in-law a thick 19th century irish brogue, and make Capital Kiwi the staggering innocent victim of strong drink. Then me and Capital could split the two thousand dollars we would win in the Virtual Ireland Short Story Contest. Kiwi -45% Milum -55% 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 866
old hand
|
|
old hand
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 866 |
Nice one CapK Reminds me of my mum's aunt, my great Aunt Jess (rest her soul!) She lived with us for the last few years of her her life and was, on the whole, a pretty good old stick. Became a bit of a sponger  though - but I digress..... AJ was a very prim person who never swore, hated "new" music and so on. So, when she let rip with an enormous fart at the dinner table one night, you can imagine the delight of us three kids - heavily smothered of course!! She didn't miss a beat - looked up, glared at us all, and said, "Who did that?" just like a Victorian school marm. This completely finished us kids off, we laughed uproariously and my sister, ever the straight shooter, said, "You did Auntie Jess, you just farted - it was you!!" I'm grinning like a Cheshire cat as I write this - still funny 25 years later. (And guess what I say first thing every day when I greet the world in a male's time honoured way......)stales
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 55
newbie
|
|
newbie
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 55 |
I don't think Wordwind meant to slight CapK---she's just been starstruck by Dr. Bill's ongoing saga of patients and the personnel who sometimes exercise great patience with them.
Me and the wind be pretty close, you know...
OrB~
PS: Milum, I like your arithmetic! One for you and two for me, and one for you and two for me....
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
Dear Stales et al.: Here is a story by Mark Twain you might enjoy: http://www.mbay.net/~jmd/1601.html
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
Dear stales: Your story about jokes at formal family feasts reminded me of prank my father played on his mother one April first. The year before Grandmother had given him an elaborate cut glass tumbler which she had gotten at a Boston store, Daddy & Jacks, which specialized in items for playing tricks. The goblet had one of the flower leaves cut into the glass that would not leak when tumbler was sitting on table, but would leak a lot onto your necktie when you took a drink. When his tie got wet, my father did not say a word. But the next year when Grandmother came, when she sat down, there was a loud, prolonged rude noise, sounding very much as though she had passed a very large amount of flatus. She got very red.
My father had been to Daddy & Jacks, and bought a chair cushion which concealed a large airbag connected to a Bronx cheer razzer.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
First you would have to get the Irish editor to strain his belief to the point that he would think there actually was a teetotalling woman in Ireland.
TEd
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
In an editorial about "1601" I found a mildly amusing anecdote about flatus in Parliament:
"That certain types of English society have not changed materially in
their freedom toward breaking wind in public can be noticed in some
comparatively recent literature. Frank Harris in My Life, Vol. 2,
Ch. XIII, tells of Lady Marriott, wife of a judge Advocate General,
being compelled to leave her own table, at which she was entertaining Sir
Robert Fowler, then the Lord Mayor of London, because of the suffocating
and nauseating odors there. He also tells of an instance in parliament,
and of a rather brilliant bon mot spoken upon that occasion.
"While Fowler was speaking Finch-Hatton had shewn signs of restlessness;
towards the end of the speech he had moved some three yards away from the
Baronet. As soon as Fowler sat down Finch-Hatton sprang up holding his
handkerchief to his nose:
"'Mr. Speaker,' he began, and was at once acknowledged by the Speaker,
for it was a maiden speech, and as such was entitled to precedence by the
courteous custom of the House, 'I know why the Right Honourable Member
from the City did not conclude his speech with a proposal. The only way
to conclude such a speech appropriately would be with a motion!'"
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
The tale is told, too, of a certain woman who performed an aeolian
crepitation at a dinner attended by the witty Monsignieur Dupanloup,
Bishop of Orleans, and that when, to cover up her lapse, she began to
scrape her feet upon the floor, and to make similar noises, the Bishop
said, "Do not trouble to find a rhyme, Madam!"
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
"One day, while standing upright, addressing his prayers to Jupiter,
Aethon farted in the Capitol. Men laughed, but the Father of the Gods,
offended, condemned the guilty one to dine at home for three nights.
Since that time, miserable Aethon, when he wishes to enter the Capitol,
goes first to Paterclius' privies and farts ten or twenty times. Yet, in
spite of this precautionary crepitation, he salutes Jove with constricted
buttocks." Martial also (Book IV, Epigram LXXX), ridicules a woman who
was subject to the habit, saying,
"Your Bassa, Fabullus, has always a child at her side, calling it her
darling and her plaything; and yet--more wonder--she does not care for
children. What is the reason then. Bassa is apt to fart. (For which
she could blame the unsuspecting infant.)"
|
|
|
|
Forums16
Topics13,913
Posts229,328
Members9,182
| |
Most Online3,341
Dec 9th, 2011
|
|
|
0 members (),
691
guests, and
0
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
