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#41679 09/13/01 05:25 PM
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tsuwm Offline OP
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At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who
here has ever seen a ghost?" Most of the hands go up. "And how many
of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?" About half
the hands stay up. "OK, now how many of you have had physical contact
with a ghost?" Three hands stay up; there's a slight murmur in the
crowd. "Gosh, that's pretty good. OK, have any of you ever, uh, been
intimate with a ghost?" One hand stays up. The speaker blinks.
"Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've actually had sexual contact
with a ghost?"

The guy with his hand up suddenly blushes and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, I
thought you said 'goat'."



#41680 09/13/01 05:38 PM
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This reminds me of the story of the statistics lecturer at a major university, who was giving an intro stats course to a huge auditorium-full.

"To illustrate a bell-shaped curve," he said, "Let's do a little poll of the people in this room. All of you who have sex as frequently as once a day, raise your hands."

A count was taken, and he then moved on to less than once a day and more than once a week, less than once a week and more than once every two weeks, and so on. The bell-shaped curve began to take shape on the blackboard. "And finally, those who have sex only about once a year."

At the back of the room this little guy jumped up, waved, his hand, and shouted, "Me, ME, back here! Me! Count me!!"

The lecturer paused and said, "Thank you, young man, but why are you so excited?"

"Tonight's the night!!!"



TEd
#41681 09/13/01 09:01 PM
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tsuwm Offline OP
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Jimmy had newly arrived in New York from Dublin, and was applying for a
job on a big highrise construction project. The foreman asked him, "Have
you ever worked in construction before?"

"Certainly," says Jimmy. "Twenty years of it, in the old country."

"Well," says the foreman, "I'll have to ask you a few questions, seeing as
I don't know you at all. For instance," and he points, "what do you call
that machine over there?"

"Why, that's simple. 'Tis a loader, and it's used for moving great piles of
dirt about the place."

"Very good. How about that one," and he points the other way.

"Faith, why that's a pile driver. Used for driving bloody great steel
beems deep into the ground."

"Well," allows the foreman, "you seem to know your business all right. Just
one more question then: what's the difference between a joist and a girder?"

"Why, anyone knows that. Joist wrote 'Ulysses' and Girder wrote 'Faust'!"



#41682 09/15/01 06:31 PM
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tsuwm...that was so baaaa'd.


#41683 02/04/02 04:44 PM
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Regarding tsuwm's original post:
http://www.msnbc.com/news/698894.asp#BODY; scroll down to the final item.

Precisely what do you Brits do over there in Humberside, England?



#41684 02/04/02 05:44 PM
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I thought the policeman's statement surpising. No hint of disapproval. BBC this morning has story of teacher having sex with pupils in toilet. I thought they had more comfortable rooms for that. Incidentally, her title was biological supply teacher. Perhaps that was what she thought her job called for. Would it be an aptronym, if Gehring meant oversized G spot?


#41685 02/04/02 09:00 PM
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Precisely what do you Brits do over there in Humberside, England?

Well, before we get too judgmental, was the goat male or female?

Friend of mine, has a sheep station (ref Faldage's link to the Travels). Working in the yards one day, a dog gets overexcited and starts humping a sheep, not so unusual really. I swipe at him with the standard piece of alkathene pipe, and he stops, but Ross asks "What's your problem? He's a sheep-dog after all." Small pause, then "Dumb bastard though. That's a wether!"



The idiot also known as Capfka ...
#41686 02/04/02 09:27 PM
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Dear CK: when did it cease to be a capital offence in UK to have carnal knowledge of an animal?

PS I did find it listed as a crime in UK, but penalty was not stated. I did find a site that described death penalty in Philippines for bestiality two years ago.


#41687 02/04/02 10:16 PM
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PS I did find it listed as a crime in UK, but penalty was not stated.

I suppose that depends on whether or not the animal consented, Bill ...



The idiot also known as Capfka ...
#41688 02/04/02 10:26 PM
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I suppose that depends on whether or not the animal consented

What is the age of consent in England?

BTW, does England have an equivalent of the US's federal Mann Act [aptronym!], regarding "transporting a female across state lines for immoral purposes"?


#41689 02/04/02 10:36 PM
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I'm no expert - or even a tyro - at English criminal law. However, I think I can safely say that the answer is no. Counties are not the same as states. However, I think there is still a law against the Scots raiding northern England for cattle and women. Only they don't seem to want the cattle these days!



The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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but...BBC this morning has story of teacher having sex with pupils in toilet.

I had associations on the beach once, but never once with my head in the potty. Ewwwwww.......


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Or sand in the works. OWWWWW!


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Incidentally, I'll bet here in California, a proposal for legislation to institutionalize Ms. Gehring's advances in sex education could win substantial support.


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Psssst! Dr. Bill! You stay in the water to avoid getting sand in the works. Trust me, it's the only way. It also might keep you out of jail.


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