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#200882 - 06/30/11 09:30 PM Re: a limerick [Re: Avy]
old hand
Registered: 05/10/10
Posts: 954
Loc: Alaska
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#200883 - 06/30/11 09:41 PM
old hand
Registered: 06/23/00
Posts: 724
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#200884 - 06/30/11 09:57 PM
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/06/01
Posts: 6798
Loc: Worcester, MA
No imagination, that's why.
Consider, for example:
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who would do anything for a ducat.
... He put lead in a mold
... Which he turned into gold
Because of the lightning that struck it.
It's grey, that's what it is. But not funny. And it scans, and it rhymes, and who cares? No cleverness, no double meanings, no unexpected wordplay, nothing interesting in structure or content, nothing ribald even, goes over like your proverbial gold balloon (once it's been struck by lightning, anyway).
Maybe this isn't the best medium for a limerick; one-line-at-a-time makes it very hard to set up a punchline that pervades the whole oeuvre.
[/whinge]
Thoughts, anybody?
Or maybe let's just try again, see what happens, and figure out the difference:
1) A parachute fell from the sky.
(Here's a thought: this invites/permits don't know why, walk on by, pigs may fly, much too high, cast a die, fish to fry, what a guy, wouldn't lie, me oh my, etc. How many things rhyme with bucket, anyway?)
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#200885 - 06/30/11 10:16 PM
old hand
Registered: 06/23/00
Posts: 724
I like it. I never thought of this line and was happy with what you got.
Yes there is no fun in the final product. There can't be.
I am intrigued by your change in the game. What you are doing is a kind of choice to the next player. The skill lies in not writing the line but choosing the choices. This way the first player has most control over the rhyme. (We might get a good rhyme out of this. Let's check)
Tried and failed do it. How can we give choices to the b rhyme. The whole dictionary is a choice.
Anyway here goes:
A parachute fell from the sky.
xxxxxxxxxxxa
xxxxxxb
xxxxxxb
Proving indeed that pigs can fly.
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#200887 - 06/30/11 10:24 PM
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 8438
Loc: Land of the Flat Water
----please, draw me a sheep----
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#200888 - 06/30/11 10:27 PM
old hand
Registered: 06/23/00
Posts: 724
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#200889 - 07/01/11 04:09 AM
old hand
Registered: 05/10/10
Posts: 954
Loc: Alaska
Underneath it a sixty-ton sty.
xxxxxxb
xxxxxxb
Proving indeed that pigs can fly.
I'm not sure it works to do the lines out of sequence. Or the person who starts could specify which position that initial line should occupy.
Edit: I suppose in some cases it would be obvious!
Edited by Tromboniator (07/01/11 04:12 AM)
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#200890 - 07/01/11 09:39 AM
Pooh-Bah
Registered: 09/21/10
Posts: 1706
Loc: down under
A parachute fell from the sky.
Underneath it a sixty-ton sty.
Baked Beans they had eaten was producing gas
Which exploded like gunfire from the swines ass
Proving indeed that pigs can fly.
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#200895 - 07/01/11 11:13 AM
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/06/01
Posts: 6798
Loc: Worcester, MA
"da BOM ba da BOM ba da A
ba da BOM ba da BOM ba da A
ba da BOM ba da B
ba da BOM ba da B
ba da BOM ba da BOM ba da A"
The first syllable of each line may be present or not, as long as the BOM is in the right place.
Like it or not that we have to follow Roolz, that's what a Limerick is.
Back to the Limerick Workshop:Quote:A parachute fell from the sky.
Underneath it a sixty-ton sty.
Baked Beans they had eaten was producing gas
Which exploded like gunfire from the swines ass
Proving indeed that pigs can fly.
OK, that works for rhyme scheme, -a, -a, -b, -b, -a. But it needs to conform to the rhythm scheme, and we're not there yet.
S'pose we change line 2 like this:
A parachute fell from the sky.
Below was a sixty-pig sty.
Baked Beans they had eaten was producing gas
Which exploded like gunfire from the swines ass
Proving indeed that pigs can fly.
Next challenge: shorten lines 3 and 4 to six syllables.
And looking ahead - we're going to want to introduce some sparkle somewhere. Otherwise it's just another juvenile Beavis-and-Butthead bathroom joke, exactly as humorous as "Ooh, ooh, he said fart! He said fart!")
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#200896 - 07/01/11 11:53 AM
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 8438
Loc: Land of the Flat Water
----please, draw me a sheep----
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