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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819 |
ahhh, but you failed to mention how delectable his three comrades tasted...Ahhh, b96, since you've obviously read this obscure footnote to ancient English history, why don't you tell us?  It is, after all, a story into which we can sink our teeth. Well, so much for biting remarks... However, my mother, a prudish English teacher, would take umbrage to my suggesting that you do this, since she always told me never to end a sentence with a proposition 
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819 |
This hairy hound thread started with a story I sent privately to Jackie. Now here's one she sent to me privately. It's not original, but it, awful enough to print: A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you." They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ...and stay for breakfast the next morning. She cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings, makes mad, passionate love to him, and prepares a sumptuous breakfast the next morning. The guy is amazed! Everything had been incredible! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she replies......... "You just happened to catch my eye."
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 771
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 771 |
I used this as the toast at my cousin's wedding reception... apparently I sold it pretty well, because for the remainder of the evening, guests were approaching my cousin trying to appear casual in assessing which of her eyes was fake.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
And hoping for a chance to catch it?
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 771
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 771 |
> And hoping for a chance to catch it?That would have provided an interesting variant on the tossing of the bridal bouquet...
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 609
addict
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addict
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 609 |
Over many years BBC radio had a literary quiz game called "My Word" in which two teams of two were posed questions. The regular team captains were Frank Muir and Dennis Norden. One of the regular questions involved each team being given a quotation at the start of the show, and the guest team member having to give the correct source, while Frank and Dennis would provide a shaggy dog story ending up with the quote. I have the utmost admiration for their skill, because the audience knew the punch line all the way through and yet the stories were so constructed as to hide the pun. Here are two examples (both I think from Frank who was the master). These are a lot shorter than the originals (which I shall now have to track down in the BBC publications, having been reminded of them).
Two Romans competed against each others at growing flowers. One of the Roman's gave strict instructions to the slaves that the roses be tended carefully, but while he was away, a lazy slave did not water the line of plants allocated to him and they shrivelled up in the sun. Realising he would get into terrible trouble, he sneaked over to the neighbouring villa that night and stole a complete line of roses which he planted in place of the dead ones, not realising that the dead ones were white and the replacements red. The next day when the Roman came to view the display, he saw line upon line of perfect roses, all white apart from a single line of red, and was heard to remark "Our roses arose. Is a row Cicero's?"
Frank was concerned about his neighbour who had a splinter in her bottom, which she got while watching the play which his kids put on his garden. They had formed the seating from planks which they had balanced in rows of increasing height; the first row balanced on bricks, the second on orange boxes, the third on oil drums. Unfortunately the planks had been left out in the garden over the winter, raising the grain, so that when the neighbour shuffled along to make room for someone, she pierced herself on the splinter. It was explained to Frank and his children that this all could have been avoided if they had stored the planks in a dry place over the winter. So if you have tiers, prepare to shed them now!
Rod
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146 |
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,379
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,379 |
My aunt bought 25,000 tickets in the Florida lottery in the hopes of winning enough money for a geo-positioning-device to install in her desktop computer.
She didn't hit once.
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 609
addict
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addict
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 609 |
An article in the UK Times (?) this weekend bemoaned the new Sports Editor on the Sun tabloid newspaper having banned puns from the Sun's sports headlines. One example of their previous art (and it can be googled) was when Caledonians (unexpectedly) beat Celtic by a large margin in teh Scottish soccer league. The headline was: "Super Cally go ballistic, Celtic are atrocious". And they want to ban it?
Rod
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