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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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I'm kidded or even criticized for my apparent lapses of memory, as I'm an old fart on the threshold of senility, per top entry at: http://mail.google.com/mail/?auth=DQAAAH...r3IFuRbiLkTGklA(In case you're wondering, I have this buddy Dan in Virginia who Gmails me interesting tidbits. But I don't use Gmail that often, I accessed it this morning to find 35 pages of listings I can see how the Internet can keep you busy and am beginning to understand the meaning of the expression
Last edited by dalehileman; 06/04/06 01:44 PM.
dalehileman
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Carpal Tunnel
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your link takes me to MY gmail page!
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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His link just links to Gmail. He probably meant to link to his page, but if you have a Gmail account and are still logged in, it'll render to your page. As it did for mine for me.
Ceci n'est pas un seing.
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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Sorry, Guys. Bill gates hates me and does anything he can think of to bollix, confuse, or delude me. Following is the hit in its entirety. Admin, if this is too much, feel free to delete it, but if you'd leave it a couple of days some of us might get a chuckle
But it sure does suffer from lack of typography:
Getting Old - from a friend Inbox
Kokopeli7 Dan @ Gmail
More options May 31 (4 days ago)
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She replied, "No peer pressure."
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
YEAH!!!
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour, but by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week "
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. (I'm working really hard on this...)
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief"
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
--- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I don't like, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
dalehileman
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I try not to pass along most of those pass-around e-mails, but this one is so apropos, I have to (plus, I thought it was pretty funny). One word changed so as not to offend the post-er.
==========================================================
This seems to be the way it is.
Let's see if I understand how the world works lately...
If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames the restaurant.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender.
If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.
If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.
And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.
I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore. So, if I die while my old, wrinkled backside is parked in front of this computer, I want all of you to blame Bill Gates...okay?
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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Why, thank you Jackie, I need a bit of encouragement from time to time. Let me see if I can address any of your issues:
"Let's see if I understand how the world works lately...
If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames the restaurant."
After I had worked in my youth as a butcher's assistant, I was horrified to look back and realize how easy it would have been to lose a finger
Casual observers deride the woman who spilled the hot coffee in her lap then sued the drive-in. What the media didn't tell you, however, is that that particular extablishment had by that time received 700 complaints about the scalding beverage and had done nothing to correct it
"If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company."
In fact they are blamed for covering up their knowledge of tobacco's effects and for that reason should have been sued if not put out of business
"If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender."
The barkeep is required by law to quit serving a customer exhibiting symptoms of drunkedness
It's apparent that the drinker should be required to prove he's not in charge of a vehicle; and in any case, that any such establishment having a parking facility should be required to maintain means for converying a drinker home
"If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television."
The Educational Establishment should institute liberal-arts discussions starting in first grade before they reach teenhood and it's too late), where issues of social behavior and morality could be discussed. It could be made clear to the kids that the behavior they see on TV is largely unacceptable. However, this will never happen on the watch of the Neocons and the Far-Right Evangelical faction
"If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer."
No, I don't
"And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline."
In fact after 9/11 I was appalled to learn (1) that the pilot doesn't have a gun, and (2) that it was so easy to get into a cockpit. To that extent the airlines can be blamed for masive incompetence and should be sued
"I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore. So, if I die while my old, wrinkled backside is parked in front of this computer, I want all of you to blame Bill Gates...okay?"
Okay with me
Last edited by dalehileman; 06/05/06 03:27 PM.
dalehileman
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addict
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Quote:
Sorry, Guys. Bill gates hates me and does anything he can think of to bollix, confuse, or delude me.
Rather than blame Bill Gates, perhaps you should thank whoever is actually responsible for preventing you from accidentally giving everyone on the Internet full access to your GMail account.  If we had been able to see that, we would also be able to use your account to send, oh, say, terrorist threats to Bill Gates.
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No,you'r mistaken, dale is so important, bill gates has a whole division of MScorp set up just to make dale's life miserable.
(or maybe bill gates is god, and has singled dale out at the new age Job.)
it can't be dale's fault...(he is the new age adam, and with out sin.. so nothing can be blamed on him.
(we are, obviously not a blessed, and we actually have to make a small effort to understand since Bill/god hasn't singled us out for special treatment.
remember, as soon as engineers make something idiot proof, god goes out and make a better class of idiot.
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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Quote:
No,you'r mistaken, dale is so important, bill gates has a whole division of MScorp set up just to make dale's life miserable.
******There's no question about it
(or maybe bill gates is god, and has singled dale out at the new age Job.)
********Yes, I'm sure I could have done a better Job
it can't be dale's fault...(he is the new age adam, and with out sin.. so nothing can be blamed on him.
***********That's not so. It was, as I remember, 1953 when I remember doing something very bad
(we are, obviously not a blessed, and we actually have to make a small effort to understand since Bill/god hasn't singled us out for special treatment.
*****Yes he has. All of us
*******Why does he hate us so
remember, as soon as engineers make something idiot proof, god goes out and make a better class of idiot.
************As a former engineer with a kind of pernicious ADD and at my advanced age with the onset of senility, I'm a candidate for the position
Last edited by dalehileman; 06/05/06 06:51 PM.
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formerly known as etaoin...
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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eta: Thank you as sometimes I feel unappreciated
dalehileman
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Bill/god 
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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Jackie: I asked Laverne, who is much smarter than I, "Without thinking about it, what is the first thing that comes to your mind when I say 'Bill/god'"?
Instantly she replied, "Gates"
dalehileman
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