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#159738 - 05/21/06 09:41 PM
Re: dook revu
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 275
GallantTed
enthusiast
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enthusiast
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 275
Ireland
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Howye fokes! How is things? Me little pal, MadDogTed, is just beside himself with the response what he got ta last week’s explanation a the Da Vinci code. A course, I’m convinced meself that haff a ye is only sucken up ta him fer ta get a slurp a the Holy Gray Ale what’s been hidden beneath Slasher’s Bar fer years.
I’ll tell ye, the hole thing about Jesus haven a wife and kids is mind blowen fer sure, cos that would mean that he wasn’t the divine sona God at all – just one a his regular children like the resta us. And sure where would that leave society as we know it taday? Fer starters, the Easter Bunny and Santy would be outa job fer sure and would probably be sued ta boot fer unfair traden. And no more Furst Holy Commumion would mean no more junior fake tans, lip waxes, ringlets, fancy frocks, limos, helicopters, posh nosh do’s and all that sorta stuff. And that would just cripple the economy – not ta mention the Joneses and all whose soul purpose in life is to keep up with them. And the govermint would have ta introduce a amesty fer ta get back all the Commumion money from them cute misers what still have it.
The shamrock and St Patrick would have ta go too, ya know - cos it would be just the Father and the Holy Ghost. Unless, a course, it’s the Father, Son, Grandson and the Holy Ghost, in which case ya’d have ta go fer a four-leaved clover but then again that would only cover the furst 3 generations – unless ya were ta go fer a genetically modified clover and keep adden leaves as each new offspring was born. But then again genetic modification is totally against relegion. But on the other hand, it looks as if there no longer is any relegion. A course, if there was and ya were actually parta this divine bloodline and God was yer granddaddy, then ya'd really cash in on yer Holy Commumion day.
Lissen, I’m off fer a sup a that Holy Gray Ale before me confused little mind explodes alltagather.
Be seein ya
GallantTed
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#159742 - 05/28/06 08:22 PM
Re: dook revu
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 275
GallantTed
enthusiast
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enthusiast
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 275
Ireland
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Howye fokes! How is things? Me post bag is only bulgen with all yer letters and queries on the Jesus and Mary MacDillon affair – or lack thereof as the case may be. Anyways, I got one very interesten letter from a reader what signs herself as Just Wonderen, from Back the Road what writes:
Dear Ted
I read your column with great pleasure and interest every week and think it’s the best thing since the sliced unlevelled pan. Keep up the good work and I have to agree with you, that Goldilocks is a proper galloping trollop without a doubt… (and all that sorta stuff – she doesn’t quiet stop there but outa modesty I’ll get ta her pint quick – GTed).
Ted, the other day when the sun was shining for 5 minutes, I took my little Joseph to the seaside to give him a chance to play with his new bucket and spade. It was while he was digging happily in the sand that he found these very old looking papers that looked like parchment or something. On closer examination, much to my surprise, I discovered that I’m a product of this Divine Bloodline that everyone is talking about. Yes, Ted, I have the evidence to prove that I am indeed related to Jesus and Mary.
Now Ted, it doesn’t take a great mind to figure out that if I am related, then I’m entitled to an inheritance. So my question to you is, when Jesus died, rose again and then ascended into heaven - did that make Mary a widow or a deserted wife? I mean which allowance was she entitled to? And as I’ve no doubt that in those days it probably took years to sort such claims out, there’s a good chance that it was never resolved in her lifetime and now her descendents are entitled to all the back pay – with interest, of course.
So Ted, I’d be most grateful if you or any of your loyal readers could answer my query as soon as possible. Signed, Just Wondering, Back the Road.
Well, there ye have it fokes. Apply within with yer answers.
Be seein ya
GallantTed
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#159744 - 05/31/06 08:43 AM
Re: dook revu
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Faldage
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
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Quote:
"our liturgious world."
Nice word, TEd, and so timely. A portmanteau?
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