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Pooh-Bah
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Folks here at AWAD might enjoy some of the funny things that are occasionally heard here at our medical center. For example, I have been told more than once by a patient that he had been feeling "nauserated" before he actually "vomicked." "Fibroids of the uterus" has been transformed into "fireballs of the Eucharist" supposedly, although I have never heard anyone say this myself. And of course there's the reliable "Old Timer's Disease" (Alzheimer's Disease) which actually makes a lot of sense.
I wonder if anyone else out there has any other medical malapropisms to share?
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Carpal Tunnel
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"The room-attics" for rheumatism. "Arthur-itis" for arthritis and last but not least : "A cardiac fraction" for a myocardial infarction.  wow
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veteran
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I know I'll think of some when I have some time to think, but I have to share a peculiarity of Baltimorese: appendix is often a plural noun, as in, "She had to have her appendix out; they were badly infected."
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Carpal Tunnel
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a doctor told a story once (in an article in NYT) about being careful what you say as patients come out of anesthetic, since they often hear things before they are full conscious.
His patient had a "galloping heart" (rate) which the doctor mentioned-- the other doctors all nodded, and were concerned-- after open heart surgery "galloping heart" is not a good thing.
But a few days latter, the patient was fully recovered, and on his way home. He commented to the doctor that it was something he heard the doctor say as he was regaining consciousness that made all the difference. the patient knew going into surgery that he was high risk, and that there could be serious complications, but when he heard the doctor talk about his galloping heart--He knew he was a strong as horse, and was going to make it!
not quite a malapropism-- but a sort of "mis hearing"
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John Updike writes about someone suffering from "Al's Hammer Disease"
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Carpal Tunnel
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Many years ago, when I worked as a hospital chaplain, one fellow told me he had "a rhythmia" and asked me if it was bad to have one of those.
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old hand
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I wonder if anyone else out there has any other medical malapropisms to share?
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I thought that a medical malaprop had to do with being rushed to hospital after being struck by an airscrew.
Wherever did I go wrong?
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Carpal Tunnel
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Geoff asks, apparently bemusedly: I thought that a medical malaprop had to do with being rushed to hospital after being struck by an airscrew.
Wherever did I go wrong?Because there's actually much more chance of being struck by the air crew these days! You need to update your belief system. It's not a malapropism, it's a malaturbinism ... 
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Did you hear about the airline stewardess who backed into a moving airplane propeller? Disaster.
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Did you hear about the airline stewardess who backed into a moving airplane propeller? Disaster.Heard that one as "the butcher's wife who at on the bacon slicer".
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Fr Steve offered this: Did you hear about the airline stewardess who backed into a moving airplane propeller? Disaster.I had to read that twice to get the joke, not expecting such earthiness from a man of the cloth!<jk> I was also distracted by the resemblance the joke had to an incident in my grandfather's life. Once, as a guard on a train, he had to clean the wheels of what was left after a man's dhoti got caught in them as the train pulled out of the station. Some hours later, the offer of mince for dinner caused my grandfather to bushusuru. 
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old hand
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Heard that one as "the butcher's wife who at on the bacon slicer"
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It was my understanding that she was not fast enough, and got a little behind in her work.
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Says CK, It's not a malapropism, it's a malaturbinism ...
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Oh, silly me! I thought that referred to ill-fitting cloth headgear. And a gas turbine was what you had when vaporous emissions hit the fan instead of solid excreta.
Now, back to the doctor's original thread: Last night I had three dinner guests, two women and one man. We began discussing spinal injuries. I asked the man if he'd ever had any trouble in his cervical area, and he demurred, insisting that he didn't have one of those! Oh, well, he was a softwear engineer - what would he know! ;-)
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a gas turbine
Harking back to the opening question:
Re: if another type of engine got sick, it would
be a maladynamo.
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old hand
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be a maladynamo
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I wouldn't know; I'm maladept, maladroit, and malodorous from trying to make a gas turbine. Holding a pinwheel between my knees is exhausting, but, then, making it go around is "exhausting," too.
Does this bear any resemblance to the two winos from here (Portland, Oregon) named Walt Curtis and Gus VanSant who wrote and produced the cult classic movie, Mala Noche?
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Oh, well, he was a softwear engineer - what would he know! ;-)From what you say, if he is fairly junior that would either make him an under softwear engineer or a soft underwear engineer. Now that's really sick! 
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Not really a malapropism, but humerus (sic *s*) nonetheless. Doctor, having to resort to accessing the femoral artery to draw blood, "Just relax, you'll feel a small prick in your groin."
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And while I'm here...
Again, not a malaproprism, but one thing that always gets me - patient tautologies. My favourites are a coronary heart attack and a brain stroke.
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Ancient, but perhaps worth a small grin, the bimbo who told her friends the dermatologist had "ultraviolated" her.
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medical tautologies
and the southern American favorite, sugar diabetes.
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I really don't know whether this one is true or not, but one of my medical friends told me once that a husband had got up alongside a doctor's head when the guy's wife came home and said that the doctor had told her she had "a cute vagina". The medico was puzzled for a moment, but then realised it was malapropese for "acute angina", the real diagnosis.
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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>"Just relax, you'll feel a small prick in your groin."
Thank goodness that was in a jugular vein.
TEd
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Ted Sed: Thank goodness that was in a jugular vein.Are you ever threatened with physical violence over your puns?   It was a good one!
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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>Are you ever threatened with physical violence over your puns? No but my wife beats me every time
TEd
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Are you ever threatened with physical violence over your puns?
No but my wife beats me every time
If this keeps up, I may commit violence over someone's buns!
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In reply to:
If this keeps up, I may commit violence over someone's buns!
Well, Jackie, if you just can't bear it, remember the invitation to bare it!
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Well, Jackie, if you just can't bear it, remember the invitation to bare it! Oh, no, not again! There are polar conditions here. My browntruck slid when I hit the black ice in Las ko, alabama. The mechanic, teddy, informed me that I'd damaged the oil pan, dang it. His hair was grizzly, which matched the weather. I took his picture with my Kodak because he was missing an i.
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Not exactly a medical malapropism, but perhaps permissible. In some cases of very severe heart valve damage, leakage causes powerful eddy currents and vibrations that can be felt by the doctor's hand over the heart, and is called " a thrill." At a large city teaching hospital, over a hundred medical students were lined up to take turns palpating the precordium of such a female patient. The fiftieth student, bored by the long wait for his turn, put his hand in the wrong place, and said to the guy behind him. "I don't get any thrill." The outraged patient jumped out of bed and locked herself in the toilet.
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This one is from Geoff:
tautologies. My favourites are a coronary heart attack and a brain stroke.
"It's even worse- it's a pleonasmic tautology."
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Pooh-Bah
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"Ultraviolated" sounds like something out of an Anthony Burgess novel. I hear "sugar diabetes" or just "sugar" in place of diabetes all of the time. Actually, I heard not fifteen minutes ago. Use of "sugar" usually occurs in describing the past medical history, as in "Well, I've had sugar for 20 years."
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Kind of off-track but slightly related....
Two of my flatmates used to work as junior doctors in A&E. If they were having a slow day in A&E (unusual, but did happen occasionally!) they had a running game, which involved thinking of the most bizarre 'word of the day' and then seeing who could get it into the most charts during their shift! Maybe they should have tried this board for inspiration....
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Carpal Tunnel
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Dear Alex: I am unfamiliar with Anthony Burgess, and so fail to properly enjoy your post. Please give a few clues.
Do you acknowledge private wueries?
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Heavens, I just remembered one I hear all the time: Yellow Jaundice.
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Dear Bobyoungbalt: Forgive the quibble, but jaundice is not always yellow. I remember seeing cashier in Chinese restaurant with definitely blue-green jaundice,including sclerae, and doigts en baguette de tambour (drumstick fingers). Incidentally, the restaurant across the street in Boston's Chinatown was named Hung Far Low. wwh
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Pooh-Bah
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Anthony Burgess' novel _A Clockwork Orange_ features a gang of hooligans led by one named Alex, coincidentally, and they like to go around assaulting people, an act which they describe as "giving them a bit of the old ultraviolence." Thus "ultraviolated her" sounds like the character Alex describing a rape.
One thing about the novel that AWAD folks might appreciate is the way that the characters' slang is peppered with words borrowed or adapted from Russian.
Stanley Kubrick adapted the novel into a film, with Malcolm McDowell starring as Alex.
There are lots of websites devoted to the work, for example:
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/3111/aco.htm
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Dear Alex: Thanks for the information about Anthony Burgess. I had so much trouble keeping up with medical journals that I missed a lot of good novels. If I am not persisting in error, since you apparently do not answer private messages, is there any chance you might enjoy swapping medical anecdotes? Bill Hunt
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