|
|
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
|
OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
Updated 11:11 AM ET December 7, 2000
LONDON (Reuters) - The Plain English Campaign on Wednesday named a record 11 gobbledygook winners -- from the Ministry of Defense to an Internet provider -- who mangled their mother tongue and left readers utterly confused.
The independent organization, which tries to cut through a forest of verbiage, pointed the finger of blame at lawyers and financial companies as the worst offenders.
"Last year we edited more than 1,000 documents into plain English and there is still a lot of tripe out there," said campaigner John Lister.
Tonbridge Borough Council was mocked for a tree preservation order "a copy whereof together with the map included therein is enclosed herewith."
And the campaign spread its wings as far afield as Hollywood.
The "Foot in Mouth" bafflement award went to Hollywood star Alicia Silverstone who said "I think that the film 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
-------------------------------
OK, folks, it's past time for another contest. The rules:
1. Your submission must be less than 250 words. Real words.
2. If it is not your original "writing" you must give discredit to the source.
3. Judge will base his decision on the utter incomprehensibility of the submission. Remember, extra points will go to the person whose submission is utterly incomprehensible on a real level but is so surreally so that it appears to be comprehensible.
The winner will win something. After all, that's what contests are for.
In keeping with the spirit of the contest, the prize will be something intangible and incomprehensible.
TEd
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803 |
Dunno if this would set the wrong tone, but my (actually a co-worker of mine) contribution to the demonstration of the futility of the logical multiple negative:
"I couldn't fail to disagree with you less."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 56
journeyman
|
|
journeyman
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 56 |
I myself have also have begun to conclude that due to the shear weight of numbers its almost impossible to dig your way to the top of the pile of incomprehensible words that make no sense yet are no small part of the ever increasing form of gobbledygook that regularly confronts us each day in the nightly news. We're continually presented with no end of stringless communications which have no thread. Even the endless printed matter passing through our monitors generally fails to weave any magic.
Coming to grips with these intangibles is almost impossible, yet we're continually forced to wade through this river of rubbish confronting us. The incessant use of ineffective verbose communications circumvents the purpose for which it's intended. Literally mountains of words are flung at us daily and we're asked to grasp their essence. I give up, i can't take it anymore and i've decided to do something about it. It's time we all spoke up and said what we really thought. Let's no longer ramble on like politicians. We have to stop beating around the bush and cut to the chase. No longer should we be content to parry our thrusts. It's time we cut to the quick and let's not spare the gore. It's time we thought seriously about our personal procastrination got up off our butts and climbed our own personal mountain yelling from the top of our voices and depths of our hearts for and end to this needless prattle. I think we all firmly believe this.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409 |
I'm not sure that is qualifies, but I thought it was quite an impressive effort. I received it from one of those joke-a-day email lists:
When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write, if the
copy is right. If however, your copy falls over, you must right your copy. If
you write religious services you write rite, and have the right to copyright the
rite you write.
Very conservative people write right copy, and have the right to copyright the
right copy they write. A right wing cleric would write right rite, and has the
right to copyright the right rite he has the right to write. His editor has the
job of making the right rite copy right before the copyright can be right.
Should Jim Wright decide to write right rite, then Wright would write right
rite, which Wright has the right to copyright. Duplicating that rite would copy
Wright right rite, and violate copyright, which Wright would have the right to
right.
Right?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
Right?
Like that! Now if Jim was a right-wing judge, sorry cleric...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
Below is one note from a long document written for the Department of Continuing Education (DCE in the text) at Lancaster University. By way of explication OCNW is the Open College of the North West, an autonomous sub-section of DCE which is located away from Lancaster Uni's Bailrigg campus. "_Staff Entertaining_: Staff entertaining is when an employee entertains a University colleague at or near the employee's permanent workplace. There is no definition of "near", and it would seem that if even one person is present who is not an employee of the University, then that is Customer entertaining. (see above, #6) OCNW will count as employees. The element of expense which relates to an employee at or near his permanent workplace will be liable to Income Tax and National Insurance (NI). Any element which relates to an employee away from his normal base will be regarded as subsistence and therefore not liable to tax or NI. If a member of DCE takes a member of OCNW for lunch on Bailrigg campus, and the member of DCE claimed this back then the member of DCE would be liable for tax and NI on his/her lunch but not on the lunch of the member of OCNW. It is necessary to identify on claims forms which elements are taxable and which are not. Anyone like to join me for a meal? 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 2,891
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 2,891 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
]green]Ya but who pays? I can probably get European Social Fund money for it, bel - they pay for sillier things than that! I'm sure I could treat you to tea in Claridges in the interests of international co-operation and amitié (?) You'll have to find your own funding body for the fare from Canada, though!
|
|
|
|
Forums16
Topics13,913
Posts229,318
Members9,182
| |
Most Online3,341
Dec 9th, 2011
|
|
|
0 members (),
775
guests, and
1
robot. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
