Bulwer-Lytton Prize winners - 02/27/03 05:24 AM
I've never been able to see what's actually wrong with "It was a dark and stormy night." myself, but be that as it may, here, copied from another board I frequent, are this year's winners of the Bulwer-Lytton prize for worst opening sentence of a novel:
| >
| > 10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to
| > break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it."
| >
| > 9) "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens."
| >
| > 8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a
| > tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair,
| deep
| > azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that
| vied
| for
| > competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that
| defied
| > description."
| >
| > 7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he
| > crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre
| creep.'"
| >
| > 6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of
| narcissism,
| was
| > about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon
| > to become the woman he loved."
| >
| > 5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her
| from
| > eeking out a living at a local pet store."
| >
| > 4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then
| penguins
| > often do."
| >
| > 3) "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese,
| > the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
| >
| > 2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the
| > meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of
| danger
| and
| > spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal
| tendencies."
| >
| > AND THE WINNER IS...
| >
| > 1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept
| > along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the
| castle
| > window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown
| asunder,
| > gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside
| her,
| > disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly,
| 'You
| > lied!'"
Bingley
| >
| > 10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to
| > break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it."
| >
| > 9) "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens."
| >
| > 8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a
| > tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair,
| deep
| > azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that
| vied
| for
| > competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that
| defied
| > description."
| >
| > 7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he
| > crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre
| creep.'"
| >
| > 6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of
| narcissism,
| was
| > about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon
| > to become the woman he loved."
| >
| > 5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her
| from
| > eeking out a living at a local pet store."
| >
| > 4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then
| penguins
| > often do."
| >
| > 3) "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese,
| > the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
| >
| > 2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the
| > meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of
| danger
| and
| > spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal
| tendencies."
| >
| > AND THE WINNER IS...
| >
| > 1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept
| > along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the
| castle
| > window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown
| asunder,
| > gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside
| her,
| > disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly,
| 'You
| > lied!'"
Bingley
, I think they're a pretty funny dumb laugh.