A small book of maps sat in the bottom of a box of books at a Borderlines Book store. She wondered what would become of her. Would she stay forever in this box, would she be thrown away? Or would someone find her and put her on a shelf in the bookstore whence she might hope to end up a cherished possession of some kind child?

The other books mocked her. "You're just too small. People want big coffee table books, not small maps. You're not even fit for the remainder table."

But one day an employee began searching through the box, muttering to himself, "I know I saw that book in here."

Almost before she knew it, the little book was on her way out the door, a gift receipt tucked inside her centerfold. Then she was wrapped in bright metallic Christmas paper, in total darkness, though she could smell the fresh pine scent of a Christmas tree. Early the next morning she heard squeals of delight, and suddenly the wrapping paper was torn away from her spine. A small voice yelled, "Mommy, Mommy, look what Santa brought. Maps! This is what I REALLY wanted for Christmas. Santa Claus DID read my mail."

And the little book, knowing she would forever be a cherished book instead of stuck away in a box forever, said to herself, "Free atlas, free atlas, Thank God Almighty I'm a free atlas."

This came to me in a dream early this morning, probalby because today is the day that I am free, retiring after more than 30 years. I'm looking forward to puttering around the house, getting it ready to put on the market, building some furniture, and last but not least spending a bit more time with my wonderful friends here on AWAD.

Happy New Year to all!

TEd, free at last!

[envy-e] Good for you, TEd. I can only dream that someday I, too, can be free. Right now, I'm pretty costly.

And you'll have more time to dream up puns, TEd! Congratulations, man. Make the most of it.

congratulations, TEd! now you can spend your time looking at cardinals.

and now I'm a-gone-ic...

Congratulations TEd! A great way to start a new year, indeed! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

What a wonderful, sweet story! I love it. May I share it? And kudos, as well, for 30 years (of whatever it is that you have done)!

A great way to bring in the new year

mm

Whee indeed! Congratulations, TEd! It couldnae hae happened tae a nicer feller.

Congratulations, Sweet Thing! You have certainly earned this. Enjoy, enjoy! Cheers!

retiring?

Congratulations, TEd! But I'm sorry to hear that your treads are wearing out.

I can't see why he's retiring. He's always seemed to be a bit of a free wheeler...

Congrats, Ted. Sounds like you'll continue to be a threat to the Amazonian rainforests, though.

- Pfranz

What! If you've been tired in the past why would you want to be re-tired? You Re-mington's need to be made of sterner stuff, The original Mingtons never quit. Now go get your shoes re-tired and get back in the rat race. Where is it written that the Ted Remingtons of the world can sit around staring at their navel while the rest of us have to work?

(Sorry Ted I couldn't think of an appropriate bad pun so this is what you get)

couldn't think of an appropriate bad pun

That's OK. You done good, Opie.

Small wonder, thta. There might be inappropriate good puns, and there might be appropriate good puns, but there's no such thing as a bad pun.

Speaking of which:

My friend Michael Ritz has written an opera which features no less than 13 talking moose. He hired a bunch of very tall, very thin people to portray the moose, and they all arrive on stage by coming down a chimney at back center. Yes indeed, Mike Ritz's "Moose Talking" is sung by the Chimney Width Choir.

Thats OK Opie, you done good. ~ faldage

Aw thanks, Deputy Barney, from now on I shore am gonna watch my idioms so I can grow up and be word rudely just like you.

Mike Ritz's "Moose Talking" is sung by the Chimney Width Choir.

Fortunately, some of them are bad enough that with only a little effort one can not recognize them as puns.

Congrats on the freedom TEd. From what I hear though, retirement is a big mistake - NOW you're gonna get really busy! (My "Uncle" Peter, a non-smoking, non-drinking stringbean of a man had a heart attack after 10 years of retirement. He was working 12 to 16 hours a day to make all the wooden toys that'd been ordered, he was Captain of the local volunteer fire brigade and was a tireless worker at his church. Has since learned how to say, "No" sometimes and is all the more healthy for it).

So, I guess we see more of you on the Board?

(BTW, the pun didn't work initially in Straya - we don't pronounce it "lass-t", it's "larst".)

stales