Several subscribers out there are writers, I know, at least
in desire if not publication. I thought perhaps people would enjoy sharing some favorite similes that have been composed, or just read somewhere. I hate to start a thread with no example, but for the life of me nothing comes to mind.

Jacqui dearest, I am concerned about your desire to start a thread without fulfilling your full responsibilities as The Initiator. Perhaps this is a case of "The Web That Has No Weaver"?

Rgds, sakezuki lusy

Ok, you've shamed me into an attempt.
Pet names are to my heart as soft rain to wilting flowers.

Jackie - THAT is sheer Poetry! May all the similes hide their faces in shame.

I am honored, Avy. Thank you.

<Pet names>

which reminds me …

The new bloke in town was in his local pub when he met a shearer on leave. "I've got some sheep ready to be shorn", he said, "Can I get you to do them?"

"Sure", said the shearer, "How many have you got?"

"Four", said the new bloke and, after a very long silence, the shearer said quietly: "And what are their names?"

I'm going away for a few days soon to get all this 'sheep' nonsense out of my system.

here's one:

profanity flows forth from his mouth like cool, freshly melted snow from a spring.

tactful as an elephant in hobnail boots.

Also, not original, but I have always loved both
'as much use as a chocolate teapot' and
'as much chance as a snowflake in hell'.

BTW, what is the derivation of the much more common 'hasn't got a cat in hell's chance'? Just why should cats fare so very badly in hell?

>>tactful as an elephant in hobnail boots.

Gee, that's me at times! But I've never heard the
cat-in-hell one! Sounds catty-wampus to me.

While not a simile, I have always been very fond of the phrase "It was raining hammer handles."

Ted, I always heard it as "pitchforks and hammer handles".
Regional diff., probably.

gee, and I always though it was just cats and dogs. . .

It's raining cats and dogs
and pitchforks and assorted frogs...

oops, wrong thread.

Originally, I must have read it on wall, somewhere, and it stuck in my mind, contrary to most other things:
"A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle"

and speaking of writing on walls...

Hell hath no Fury like a Plymouth

>Hell hath no Fury like a Plymouth

Why this reminded me, I have no idea, but I did hear about the time Sherlock Holmes caught the man-eating Japanese car, which asked Holmes how he had figured out who it was. Sherlock responded, of course, "Elementary, my were-Datsun."

"Elementary, my were-Datsun."

under the circumstances, shouldn't that read "alimentary"?

This beautiful simile is from Yeats :

"Like a long-legged fly upon the stream
His mind moves upon silence."

I guess examples like these could go to disprove the idea -
the simile is the creatively challenged cousin of the Metaphor.

"A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle"

Isn't this usually the other way round? 'A woman without a man...' I can't for the life of me remember who said it - maybe Gloria Steinem?

>and speaking of writing on walls...<

I always liked:

les noms des fous
sont ecrits partout

(the names of fools are written everywhere)

There was a series of badges (buttons) in the eighties including:

"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle"
and
"A woman needs a man like a moose needs a hatrack"
(I assume the latter was American as we don't really have moose, only deer.)

this was my favourite way to begin an essay at school:

"businesses, like pizzas, come in three sizes; big, medium and small."

this invariably got me a good mark, possibly because the teacher could easily understand it.
by the way (BTW) you can substitute just about anything for "businesses".

One simile I only ever heard used by my grandmother and my mother both of whom alas no longer with us..

in describing a thin person... straight up and down like a yard of pumpwater

Not original, and not exactly a simile, but catchy:

"Benetton's ads using deathrow inmates are very well-executed."

"He now stands squarely in the president's inner circle."

"This deadlock has life in it yet."

I readily add that I am not prepared to offer any similes.

not exactly a simile, but catchy:

That phrase reminded me of one of the most descriptive sentences in the Hitch-Hikers' Guide to the Galaxy, one that has always been a favourite of mine: "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't."

moving at the speed of a pregnant snail

Or the scholar's favourite: a virgin field pregnant with possibilities.

Bingley

<"A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle">

Bridget, there's an article in today's Melbourne Age [from the Telegraph, London] about Gloria Steinem which attributes the maxim to her in the form "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle". It seems pretty tame stuff to some of the vitriol being squirted among feuding feminists (according to the article): "an imploding beanbag of poisonous self-pity" and "infirmary feminism … a catch-all vegetable drawer where bunches of clingy sob-sisters can store their mouldy neuroses".

an article in today's Melbourne Age [from the Telegraph, London] about Gloria Steinem which attributes the maxim to her in the form "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle". It seems pretty tame stuff to some of the vitriol being squirted among feuding feminists (according to the article): "an imploding beanbag of poisonous self-pity" and "infirmary feminism … a catch-all vegetable drawer where bunches of clingy sob-sisters can store their mouldy neuroses". <

Ah. Not sure whether I should be grateful to you or not for pointing out my apparent common ground with the Torygraph! However, the quotes sound much as I would expect from this particular newspaper!
(Whoops - politics! No offence intended to anyone!)

>apparent common ground with the Torygraph

Sound's like you might prefer the Grauniad! I've posted a list of British newspapers in "Politics and the Press" in case anyone is wondering what we are talking about.

I found this explanation for "Grauniad" (or is it just another urban legend?): A while ago, the Guardian (which had not long ceased being the Manchester Guardian) was printing in London as well, but was having operational difficulties that meant that, as I understand it, all the text of the paper had to be re-keyed a second time, in a hurry. As a consequence, it became a by-word for typos. One day, they printed their own name as "Grauniad" in a classified ad. Private Eye took this up with amusement and has been referring to the organ as "Grauniad" ever since. -Ian Phillipps, Brass Band mailing list

"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle".

This week's Time magazine has a blurb mentioning Gloria Steinem. She's getting married. I guess she doesn't conform to her own sayings.

"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle".

This week's Time magazine has a blurb mentioning Gloria Steinem. She's getting married. I guess she doesn't conform to her own sayings.

Or, like so many of us, she spends a lot of time wanting (and chasing after) things she doesn't need...

>she spends a lot of time wanting (and chasing after) things she doesn't need...<

Hi Bridget,

Great! I think this is the original deep meaning of the phrase about the fish and the bicycle. Things that are needed cannot be the subject of fancy dreams.

Oh boy, this thread sure has turned a couple of corners! I
love this place!

Now--wsieber, Dearest, I have to say that there are some people, including right here in the U.S.--indeed, even
my own state--for whom the necessities are dreams.

And, Bridget, I think that first, those of us who have the
luxury of chasing after things we don't need should count
our blessings.

But also--I am very thankful that we live in a time and place where hunting and chasing are more usually done in fun, such as a guy sneaking up and grabbing his girlfriend
up off the floor, then carries her off for a screaming walk
around the room. Most of our hunting and chasing now have
far less serious consequences than civilization did hundreds and thousands of years ago.

What's this talk her quote being an analogy for chasing after your dream? Since when do fish yearn for and chase after bicycles?

Since when do fish yearn for and chase after bicycles?

Can you prove that they don't?

What's this talk her quote being an analogy for chasing after your dream?

After some creative interpretation, I think I understand
your question. He didn't say it was an analogy. It seemed
to me that he was taking the well-precedented license of
nudging the thread around a bend.

>taking the well-precedented license of nudging the thread around a bend<
You almost made it..I actually bent the thread around a .. nudge.

> Can you prove that they don't?

The last fish I spoke to had no revolutionary tendencies.

>Since when do fish yearn for and chase after bicycles?<
Amsterdam is known for its channels ("grachten") criss-crossing the city. Every year people throw hundreds of bikes into the channels. Why should the serious-minded Dutch do such a thing if not to cater for the need of their fish ?

>Every year people throw hundreds of bikes into the channels. Why should the serious-minded Dutch do such a thing if not to cater for the need of their fish ?<

Maybe they are under the influence of all those drugs so freely available in Amsterdam?
...maybe this is how they are able to communicate enough with the fish to know that they need bicycles?


(stepping into seriousness for one brief moment: Jackie, yes, there are people everywhere who are lacking necessities. That is one of the reasons those of us who have them should stop once in a while and think about 'need' versus 'want'. My post was flippant, but any punch it had came from the fact that much of the time we don't really bother to distinguish and this time I did. ..oh my God, I wanted to be serious not pious, but I think I failed!)

The last fish I spoke to had no revolutionary tendencies.

Yes, I imagine they would find it difficult to pedal!
Man, I LOVE this place !!

From "The Further Adventures of Nick Danger, Third Eye":
'It all came back to me like a good snort of scotch.'
'Suddenly it hit me like the hot kiss at the end of a wet fist.'
- by the Firesign Theater

If I may skirt the scatalogical, here's a quote from Drill Sergeant Hendrix, whom we called "The Sergeant Hendrix Experience". You may think it's a metaphor. It's not:

"Charlie Battery, you been jerkin' me off - and I'm gonna come all over you!"

He really was one.

I want to die in my sleep, like my grandpa; not yelling and screaming, like his passengers.

Hey. . .Bobby went back on subject! He's not allowed to do that!

Bobby went back on subject! He's not allowed to do that!

Ah, but this group staying on topic would be as likely as a
fish riding a bicycle.

> this group staying on topic would be as likely as a
fish riding a bicycle

topic, schmopic - what does it matter so long as a fish loves his bicycle!

(ever notice how the feminists assume the gender of the fish...)

(ever notice how the feminists assume the gender of the fish...)

Oh, no, no, no, no, no--feminism is a YART. Trust me,
PLENTY has been said on this a'ready.

'Sides, you're the one who just said his
bicycle, so I reckon you as good as announced that you're
a feminist.

>..as likely as a fish riding a bicycle<
Now you are jumping to conclusions again, and making unwarranted assumptions. Who said the fish needed the bike for riding? (my neighbours most certainly have bought their bikes for showing off).

The last fish I spoke to had no revolutionary tendencies

Obviously not a Red Mullet

Who said the fish needed the bike for riding

Thus spoke Zarathustra?
Maybe they've been framed

I'll stop before you all get tyred of it, but I couldn't resist saddling you with that one.

While going round some bends, this thread reaches new heights !

or perhaps it was a red herring?

While going round some bends, this thread reaches new heights

Like when a fish cycles up a mountain road?

> Like when a fish cycles up a mountain road

John Denver's not good for the brain, Hilary!

John Denver's not good for the brain

Watch it, Bub--John Denver is my all-time favorite singer,
more really for his attitude and song-writing than voice, however. He was wonderful, and I mourn for all the songs
he'll never write.

John Denver is my all-time favorite singer, more really for his attitude and song-writing than voice, however. He was wonderful, and I mourn for all the songs he'll never write.

Your meat is definitely my poison, Jackie. What do you get if you play a country record backwards? You get your woman back, your job back, and your house back.

All right, Max, I am not--quite--bristling up, on account of you not only being so sweet, but not from the U.S.

This is the second time you have said that music I like is
"country" music, and I cannot let this one pass. Here, the
definition of country music is a song that consists of, but is not limited to, a twangy dobro (yuck), a nasal, twangy
voice (yuck), and some variation on the theme: "well she done gone and left me, and I'm cryin' in my beer" (double yuck).

'Cool water', and most of John Denver's songs are what I call folk songs or ballads, something altogether different. I will admit that some of my hero's songs could sound "country" if performed in a different way by a different vocalist, but the way he sang them was not country singing. He loved his family, he loved the earth,
he loved life, and his songs praised and glorified all of those, even the sadder aspects. Do you know the words to
"Matthew"? His lyrics paint crystal-clear pictures, and tell some very poignant stories.

I could go on, but this soapbox is starting to get slippery from my tears.

just a quick word of support for jackie here.

try "annie's song" out on your non-country speakers and then judge the man.

I thought perhaps people would enjoy sharing some favorite similes that have been composed, or just read somewhere.

Forgive me, all, for returning to the original subject, but I just rediscovered what purports to be a list of winning entries in a "worst analogies ever written in an essay" contest. Here are just a few:

"She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again."

"Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze."

"The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease."

"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."

this has been mentioned here before, but here is the "Lyttony of Grand Prize Winners"

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/lyttony.htm

"Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze."


Thanks, for that, Marty - a great laugh was just what I needed to help restore my bonhomie after a 12 hour blackout.

"Lyttony of Grand Prize Winners"

Brilliant! Thank you, tsuwm

Forgive me, all, for returning to the original subject

But the endless charm of this string is the tendency to lurch around a bend as sickening as a fairground ride, yet periodically return to topic with the sudden flick of attention like one of those strange sticky green things that grab your ankles when coming through a clearing in the middle of the jungle whilst on holiday but lost somewhere deep in the rainforests of South America.

>What do you get if you play a country record backwards? You get your woman back, your job back, and your house back.

Of course all art forms are open to a little un-ravelling.

Take some of these songs/genres backwards and insert the following phrase:

Opera – eg La Traviata
“So the doctor said, “take these new antibiotics, they will do you a world of good”…..”

Blues –
“So I decided that springing out of bed on a lovely sunny day was so important to me that I should give up women and alcohol …”

Folk – eg Simon & Garfunkle’s “Homeward Bound”
“I was always grateful that my parents steered me into a happy and successful job in the Civil Service …”

Stevie Wonder’s “Isn’t she Lovely?”
“My wife was very pleased with the new contraceptive prescribed by the doctor….”

Songs by Leonard Cohen
“So I took the Prozac and everything seemed a lot brighter …”

Songs by Barry Manilow
“Participating in team sports has always been very important to me, I’ve never had much time to spend with members of the opposite sex …”

Heavy Metal
“I grew to love quiet natural sounds, the bee humming as it hovered over the flowers, the gentle trickle of water in a stream ….”

Rap
“I’ve always found that speaking slowly and clearly is the best way to be understood …”

Country and Western – Eg Tammy Wynette
“The divorce was really quite straightforward ….”
or
“I headed off to the bright lights of New York to take up a career in banking … ”

>try "annie's song" out on your non-country speakers and then judge the man.

But his grasp of geography was suspect at best. His song about West Virginia implies quite strongly that the Shenandoah River is in WV. Take a close look at a US map. The total length of the Shenandoah, North and South branches and then Shenandoah itself, is about 300 miles. Only the last five miles or so is in WV. The vastly greater part is in Virginia.

Only the last five miles or so is in WV.

And the anchor man (cf YAT) holds only the last few yards of the rope. Nevertheless, he is still part of the team.

But his grasp of geography was suspect at best

GRR! Ted, I am definitely bristled up, now! SO WHAT???
If part of the river is there, then it IS THERE!!
Speaking of semantics: he didn't say the whole river was contained in WV, DID HE????

He certainly knew a lot about geography, sir! He wrote songs about Alaska, Africa, and did a TV special from Ayers Rock, because he had BEEN to these places, and more besides!

OOOOH!
Do NOT malign my hero!

Geez, I've bent 'round the nudge right along with my thread.

along with my thread

Jackie, this lil' thread is gonna to run and run like a...

I'd like to straighten out this thread by going back to the original subject of similes and then tie it in a knot with the Olympic (Australian) vocabulary.

HOw to do this? Insert one of my favourite pieces of Australian slang:

'I'll be off like a bucket of prawns in the sun.'

Yes, prawns, NOT shrimps.

Just watched film noir classic 'Out of the past' which included the line "A lady with a rod [ie gun] is like a man with a knitting needle". Your turn, Freudians!

"A lady with a rod [ie gun] is like a man with a knitting needle". Your turn, Freudians!

Vell, wat ve haf here iss de classic sexual stereotypink.

<Vell, wat ve haf here iss de classic sexual stereotypink.>

Welcome to the board, Sigmund. Heard any good dreams lately?

"A lady with a rod [ie gun] is like a man with a knitting needle"

Reminds me of the Good Doctor Johnson, who is alleged to have said, referring to the writing of Lady Novelists, "A woman writing (novels) is like a dog walking on its hind legs. One wonders not that it is done well, but that it is done at all"

It was actually a woman preaching . The full anecdote can be found here:

http://www.concordance.com/cgi-bin/letsr.pl

Bingley

< lady with a rod>

After watching the film again, I need to amend the quote to "a dame with a rod". I should have known better than to refer to a lady in a film noir!

i can't think of any appropriate similes. I'm about as sharp as a bowling ball ?

Welcome lapsus linguae.

A slippery customer like you would probably drop the bowling ball.



Bingley

It was actually a woman preaching

Abject apologies to all. It came from a teacher of mine from roughly a hundred years ago, who pointed out at the time that she was combining the wisdom of Johnson with the wit of Gilbert.

G'day
For a stranger in a strange land it's often a temptation to pick up loose threads and run with them, go with the flow or grab the bull by the horns but sometimes discretion is the better part of valour and one should look before they leap to avoid stepping on other peoples toes or getting run over by fish riding bicycles. This may all sound like some tyred old clique but what goes around comes around.
Which leads me to my point, fish can't ride bicycles, they don't have any hands to hold the handle bars.

fish can't ride bicycles, they don't have any hands to hold the handle bars.

They don't need hands if they've got good pectorals!

>For a stranger in a strange land it's often a temptation to pick up loose threads and run with them, go with the flow or grab the bull by the horns but sometimes discretion is the better part of valour and one should look before they leap to avoid stepping on other peoples toes or getting run over by fish riding bicycles. This may all sound like some tyred old clique but what goes around comes around. Which leads me to my point, fish can't ride bicycles, they don't have any hands to hold the handle bars

Well, I guess we can write fin(i)s to THAT one.

Well, I guess we can write fin(i)s to THAT one.

We'll just have to wait and sea, won't we?

wait and sea, won't we?

Shell we?

Sorry for jumping in so late, but I thought I'd share - not similes, but metaphors.

First favourite - surreal:

"Nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands."

(I shall leave it to the regulars to tell us where that is from - I have disguised it a bit...)

Second favourite - hard-boiled:

"It was the kind of neighbourhood in which they rolled up the pavements after dark."

(Can't remember which book, but anything by Chandler sounds favourite.)

cheer

the sunshine warrior

wait and sea, won't we?

Shell we?

You always have to mussel in, don't you mav?

You always have to mussel in, don't you mav?

Do you fin so? Cod be true, I suppose.

Do you fin so? Cod be true, I suppose.

I think that one's rather limp, et hoc genus omne